Podemos Formulating Secret New Strategy

iglesiasMADRID – According to several reports, the leadership of Podemos is developing a new strategy to combat austerity in the EU. Intense discussions among the leadership have been taking place almost every day since the defeat of Syriza, sources said. “It’s been really productive,” said one associate of Pablo Iglesias. “I mean, we’ve actually started discussing important topics. For the first week or so, it was all about Pablo’s beard and pony-tail. I am not sure what conclusions they reached on that, but I guess he’s not going to get a haircut. I’m really happy about that.”

Statements from Podemos in the wake of the Greek disaster have left supporters all over the EU with a profound sense of unease. Iglesias went on public record stating: “We can’t do more than that. We defend the same thing that Christian Democracy did thirty years ago. But in this chess game in which we have got almost nothing, there’s not much more we can do. Spain can do a little more than Greece.”

Subsequently, in a poll of Podemos supporters, 67% answered the question “Do you approve or disapprove of Iglesias’s statement… [above]?” with the phrase “So why should we vote for you?”

Podemos appear unfazed, however. A member of the Politbureau, who spoke on condition of anonymity, gave Worker’s Spatula some insight into their new strategy: “You see, most of us are political scientists. We evaluated years of research and experience and we have come to the conclusion that politicians never do what they promise before an election. In fact, they mostly do the exact opposite. Thus, we sketched out this brilliant new plan: Starting now, until the election, we will always say exactly the opposite of what we are planning to do when we get elected. And then, after we are elected, we will miraculously emerge advocating the left-wing politics our supporters craved in the first place. You get it? I believe this to be a quite sophisticated strategy. I just hope the people will understand it. Did you get it? You did, right?”

International reaction to the new plan was mixed. Former Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was videotaped downing enormous amounts of ouzo in his apartment by his neighbours, one of whom swore he heard him say: “Where did this grinning, pony-tailed Spaniard come up with this plan? That was it, that’s what we were looking for…”

Sebastian Budgen of Verso Books, and a regular reader of Worker’s Spatula, commented on Facebook that Verso is planning to publish a book on Iglesias and Podemos’s new strategy in their Radical Thinkers series. Immediately, an intense discussion ensued in the comments section of that post. With about 167 comments within 20 minutes, 123 of them from Budgen himself, Budgen’s last comment reads: “Yeah, sure, we’ll probably just offer it as an e-book at 50% off, 3 days after we publish it. After a week we’ll have to bring the price down to 90% off, and after 10 days we’ll give Iglesias the rights to offer it as a free download on his homepage. But you all should really buy it the minute it is out!”

MLPD leader Stefan Engel, apparently still on holiday in Istanbul, tweeted a picture of himself on a boat on the Bosphorus, enjoying raki and grilled fish. The text read: “@ahorapodemos, even I have nothing to say to your right now.”

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