ISTANBUL – We have received shocking news that renowned Marxist professor and world famous stunt man in each and every Karl Marx action movie David Harvey has been detained at Istanbul’s Sabiha Gökçen Airport. Our local correspondent received a statement by the Turkish authorities accusing him of being the leader of not one but a whole range of illegal leftist groups. This follows news earlier this year that the Turkish authorities determined that Rosa Luxemburg and Clara Zetkin were members of the outlawed PKK after the Kurdish women’s movement printed their pictures on some of their banners for International Working Women’s Day.
Regarding the Harvey case a representative of the office of President Erdoğan stated: “You know, we had long wondered who that formidably bearded old man was that so many leftists seem to cherish. He was all over their books, their magazines, their banners. MİT worked night and day without success, but thanks to one outstanding officer at Sabiha Gökçen Airport, we were finally able to identify and detain him. This is a very important step for our country and its security.”
HPG leader Murat Karayılan issued a statement in support of Harvey from Kandil: “As you know, we are now currently under intense aerial bombardment by the Turkish state. Thankfully, the Turkish state’s intelligence is so weak that although I’m the target, I personally am not in any real danger. Actually we found some leaflets dropped by the Turkish state while they were bombing civilians stating that if they can’t kill our leadership by their bombing campaign, they’re hoping we’ll get bored to death. I mostly spend my free time reading some of Harvey’s books. Great theory, I like his exposition of the circuits of capital. The Turkish state has him, eh? Is he going to meet Apo? Lucky bastard.”
After Karayılan was informed that Harvey was detained on account of Turkish officials having confused him with Karl Marx, he responded with only mild surprise: “Oh, they confused him with Karl Marx? See, that’s the kind of idiots we’re dealing with here. At least before the AKP the Turkish state were clever fascists, look at what they’ve been reduced to.”
Harvey has received messages of solidarity from Marxists around the world. In one curious case, the ISO retracted their initial solidarity for Harvey after discovering his staunch support for the PYD in Rojava. “We call on the Stalinist tankie crypto-fascist Harvey to shut up about the stupid Kurds and talk about the real revolution in Syria: The FSA, and whatever it’s up to lately.”
MLPD leader Stefan Engel was at the airport around the same time Harvey was detained, on his way back to Germany from his Istanbul holiday, which has been extensively covered by embedded journalists of the party newspaper of Dutch ICOR affiliate Rode Morgen. Engel immediately posted this website to his personal website, along with some extremely flattering photos of the MLPD leader skinny-dipping on a Turkish beach: “This is just further proof of the absolute truth and validity of the political line of the MLPD. We are always where true revolutionaries have to be. We are in full support of Harvey’s support of Rojava. I haven’t read any of his books, but I suppose there is nothing for someone like me to learn from them. You have read my books, right?”
UPDATE: We have received information that Turkish officials have accepted the fact that David Harvey is not Karl Marx. However, a spokesperson for the Turkish Police announced that they were still not convinced of Harvey’s innocence. “Yeah, ok, so he may not be that guy with the white beard, what was his name again? Markus Merk? Oh that’s the commentator on Lig TV? Whatever, a German’s a German. And even if that’s not him, that’s no proof of his innocence. He has spoken at book fairs in Diyarbakır and Mardin. Diyarbakir and Mardin! Do I have to say any more?”