News in Brief: September 14th 2015

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CİZRE, TURKISH KURDISTAN – Masses of local people emerged defiant from an eight-day siege of the town by the Turkish State to greet Selahattin Demirtaş. The massive crowd reportedly dwarfed the number of members of Trotskyist organisations around the world. At press time, Stefan Engel was spotted in a Kurdish neighbourhood in Berlin asking if anyone from Cizre could contact their relatives to enquire if the entire town would like to join ICOR.

NEW YORK – US rapper and unquestionable trend-setter Prodigy has announced a new album which will be titled “the Hegelian Dialectic”. Inside sources at the record company report that it is “very undialectical.”

MANILA – A group of Dutch Trotskyists, including Alex de Jong, are being wined and dined by a tiny Trotskyist sect affiliated with the reunified Fourth International, at which they are reportedly discussing the irrelevance of the CPP-NPA.

LONDON – A debate about women’s issues jointly organised by several Marxist organisations at SOAS reportedly ground to a halt as someone in attendance thought it would be a good idea to quote Shulamith Firestone. After a sharp sucking of air through the teeth by approximately half in attendance, everyone was silent for about 45 seconds before the subject was awkwardly changed.

JOHANNESBURG – Julius Malema has roundhouse kicked a Worker’s Spatula correspondent in Johannesburg for asking him questions about his personal lifestyle and finances. The reporter was quoted as saying “He’s still probably the best we can ask for in South Africa at present.”

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA – DeLeonism apparently still a thing.

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