SWP Releases Statement Calling for Morrissey’s Death

MuhammadMorrisey

LONDON – British IST affiliate Socialist Workers’ Party has shocked their Egyptian sister party, Revolutionary Socialists, by calling for the speedy execution of Morrissey.

“Morrissey is actually a counter-revolutionary, merely posing as a critic of the establishment, with his petty-bourgeois idealism and his empty words. We demand that the Egyptian state quickly chop his ugly head off, before any more Egyptian Trotskyists are tricked into supporting his dangerous rhetoric.”

Revolutionary Socialists, contrary to the reputation of IST affiliates to slavishly follow orders from London, issued this fierce response:

“Our message to Callinicos, you donkey: Morrissey is still the only democratic leader of the Egyptian people, ever. Every other leader of the Egyptians, from Nasser to Sisi, have all been Stalinists. We will never abandon Morrissey, even if the rest of the IST does. To die by his side? Well, the pleasure, the privilege, is ours.”

The Spartacist League of Britain, known in very hip circles for their artisanal paper, Workers Hammer [a name clearly chosen to capitalise on the popularity of Worker’s Spatula – WS], pointed out in a lengthy rant that “the Cliffites” had until recently supported Morrissey’s presidency, disrupted an SWP “Kill Morrissey” rally in order to demand an explanation.

“We, the Spartacist League of Britain, are the only real communists in Britain, and indeed, the world!” screamed the leader of the Spart gang, Linda Harris, through a megaphone. “We never supported Morrissey or any other popular leader ever! That’s how you know we’re pure! But still, these pseudo-revolutionaries should have to explain to the working class their unprincipled and opportunistic zigzags! Why are you all such fucking shits?”

An unfazed Callinicos quickly regained control of the rally, taking hold of an even larger and less bureaucratic megaphone, to respond: “You lot support ISIS.”

After the rally, a member of the SWP agreed to speak with Worker’s Spatula on condition of anonymity. “We did support Morrissey, we did zigzag, the Sparts are right on this one.”

“The thing is, we really liked his early work, back under Mubarak, with the Smiths.”

Image credit: “gleepii” on Reddit.

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