Are you a hip young anarchist bent on overthrowing capitalism, the state, and all forms of oppression through the sheer force of your individual will? Have you often pondered how, given the immense importance you’ve ascribed to your own individuality, you need to work REALLY fucking hard to bring down the system all by your self?
Then come visit Anarchist Lifestyle Consulting Services! For a sliding scale fee, we’ll help you organise your life so that you can combat the capitalist state to your fullest potential without subordinating your unique self to some phony party or organisation with a dumb strategy or pointless historical analysis based on that mystical bullshit they call “dialectics”.
Among the areas of your special snowflake life we’ll help you streamline for changing the world:
-Time budgeting, so you make sure to be able to debate your professors, relatives, and suspiciously petty bourgeois friend circle proportionately. Everyone’s gotta hear about how oppressive all existing concepts are, except anarchism of course!
-Commune choice: Every real lifestyler needs a good commune. Will you go with the commune where everybody’s always fucking each other and the drama makes it impossible to get anything done, or will you go with the commune where people are so serious about their struggle that sex is basically banned? We help you decide!
-Shopping: Are you letting any of your money go to a multinational corporation just to save money, like a stupid, non-revolutionary poor person? We’ll examine your monthly spending habits and make sure you spend several times as much on the necessities of life to buttress up your delusions of extracting yourself from the system!
We’ll also help you choose music, clothes, accessories, and a reading list to give your anarchism a more personal touch. When we’re done with you, you’ll be the envy of all your hip friends! Guaranteed!