Sanders Fans in Shock: SEIU Endorses Clinton


WASHINGTON D.C. – Fans of the self-declared “socialist” and “independent” Democratic “candidate” for the 2016 U.S. presidential election, Bernie Sanders, have reacted with shock to the news that the SEIU is endorsing Hillary Clinton for Democratic candidate.

“But, but the SEIU is radical! As radical as Bernie Sanders! And Bernie Sanders wouldn’t endorse Hillary, would he?” said Samuel Horovitz, a member of the CPUSA and part-time communist from Berkeley, California.

Jennifer Payton, a “democratic socialist” and barista from Colorado, agreed: “I don’t understand. Unions are supposed to be socialist, and Bernie Sanders is socialist, and Hillary’s not a socialist.”

Reports of the SEIU’s endorsement have dealt quite a blow to the momentum of the “political revolution” sparked by Bernie Sanders’s declaration “candidacy” for president in 2016. Although Sanders intention is obviously to endorse Clinton himself and provide a “left” excuse for supporting the Democratic Party, his own cult of personality may have gotten out of hand. If he is not declared the vice presidential candidate under Clinton, many Sandernistas have threatened public self-immolation.

“Give us Bernie or give us death!” chanted a group of undergraduate students marching in front of an SEIU office in Manhattan. “Give us Bernie or give us death!”

Analysts initially mostly stated that given that Bernie Sanders was “honest” because unions supported him more than Clinton, now that the exemplary “honest” union organisation of SEIU has endorsed Clinton, Sanders had ceased to be honest and there was no reason to put faith in the 2016 presidential election.

However, many US social democrats, being naïve children (as is natural for Americans and social democrats alike), refused to accept such a bleak assessment of the campaign out of which they had come to expect “political revolution”, and some analysts have since come forward stating that the SEIU is still honest, just like Bernie Sanders, it’s just that Hillary Clinton is MORE honest, and in all likelihood more socialist than her possible running mate, Sanders.

“She’s a feminist, you know.”


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