RURAL OREGON – Waving black flags and wearing black masks, extremely radical anarchists have elected to join the “anti-state” occupation of a federal building alongside the Bundy brothers and other assorted reactionaries.
“This is what it’s all about man, fighting the state!” said one Sean Winston from Massachusetts, waving his black flag. “Sure it’s not perfect, but at least this is some real anti-state action for once!” he said, motioning towards the crowd of reactionary landowners waving various American flags and other patriotic symbols of US imperialism.
“I hope we get to fight some cops.” agreed his comrade, Jack Kennedy, clutching his Molotov cocktail. “If they don’t shoot at our new comrades, who are standing up for farmers rights, we might have to just start chucking shit to start a fight. Gonna TAKE DOWN THIS FUCKING SYSTEM!” he bellowed, startling the crowd of “militiamen” alongside whom he was marching.
Asked about whether or not the Bundys were the best comrades in arms, Kennedy responded angrily: “Look, are you trying to prop up the US state and empire? Because that’s what the Bundys are about: Tearing down US imperialism. How can we NOT stand with them, knowing that to be the fact that it is?”
“You just gotta look at it like the settlers in the West Bank.” added another anarchist comrade, one Michael Gold. “They clash with the police too, so this shows that they recognise the evil of the state. Same thing with these militias here. They’re privileged and not totally progressive, but they see through the bullshit, just like us.”
Oregon state troopers declined to comment as to whether or not they viewed the Bundys, their militia allies, or the anarchists as an existential threat to the state or US imperialism.
Asked how they felt about their newfound allies, Ammon Bundy responded thus: “Well, I don’t know if they’re as patriotic as we are, but we guess they’re against big government. If they help us out in our goal of creating a god-fearing, farmer-friendly, small-government, very, very white new America, well I guess I like them.”
“But they better not play any of those punk rap bands I see them wearing t-shirts for, you hear me?”