Re-Pakistanification of Turkey on the Agenda


ANKARA – The leaked minutes of a meeting of senior AKP officials from the inter-election period last year reveal that the previous plan for the “Malaysiafication” of Turkey have been determined to be a collasal failure, and all efforts henceforth are focused on the “re-Pakistanification” of the country.

“We set our sights too high, thinking we could totally obliterate any sort of militant left in our country, reduce the Kurds to snivelling subservience, and become an Islamist neo-liberal playground. Best to focus on achievable goals: We wave around Qur’ans any time we’re worried about the radical left in the West while we massacre the Kurds openly in the East,” said A. [redacted].

“Well,” responded M. [redacted], “it’s not like the Kurds are as weak internationally as the Baloch, and even they are holding their own against Pakistan. Barzani’s basically on our side, sure, but this Syria situation gives the Kurds an edge…”

“He’s right, if we’re going to be Pakistan under these conditions, we’ve got to grovel even harder than Pakistan.” responded E. [redacted]. “Get Tel Aviv and Jeddah on the phone right away, we’ve got to get things in motion.”

“Gentlemen,” interrupted R. [redacted], “I don’t need to remind you that if we can recreate the 1990s Pakistan-clone Turkey in 2016, there’s only one real threat remaining.”

All in attendance are reported to have nodded and murmured “the HTKP.”


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