US Liberals Prepared to Uproot Whole Lives in Response to Possible Trump Victory

OCanada

PORTLAND, OREGON – Informal polls carried out by Worker’s Spatula correspondents in various cities on the West Coast of the United States reveal that the overwhelming majority of petty bourgeois US liberals, too busy to engage in concrete practice aimed at the rectification of the many injustices which perturb them, are prepared to uproot their entire lives and relocate across the border to Canada.

“When the whole Black Lives Matter thing got going, like, I wanted to do something, but I was really busy. I mean, I’ve got so much else going on.” 27-year-old Justin Cazden informed us, though he did not elaborate on what else he had “going on”. “Now I wish I had, because Trump’s going to be president, and racism will be legal again, and I guess I’ll just have to move to Canada, where racism doesn’t exist.”

33-year-old Peter Miller, who has threatened to relocate to Canada in the event of a Republican victory every US presidential election since 2000, but who has never threatened to abandon the Democratic Party, agreed: “It’s really scary to think that Trump might actually become president. I mean, not really scary for me because I’m in the tech industry and I’ll land on my feet in Canada, and I won’t really suffer if I stay here. But it’s scary for the people who already have it hard under Obama. Who I voted for, by the way. Tell the other Black people I voted for Obama, I want them to know I’m not racist.”

Private school-educated Karen Goldman, who was part of the “Tibetan Freedom Club” at university, and then was politically dormant until recently, claims Trump’s nomination would be “the last straw” for her: “Recently I shared some things about the public schools in Detroit on Facebook, but I think it might be too late. I think we’ve done all we can here, and it’s time for enlightened progressives to move up to Canada, where people will understand us.”

The Canadian Maoist group RCP-PCR responded positively to the idea that West Coast liberals would be relocating north of the border. Their Vancouver representative agreed to speak with our correspondent: “We’re pretty confident in our strength in Québec, and we’re starting to spread to Ontario, but we’ve got next to nothing here in British Columbia. If the Yanks are so disaffected by bourgeois politics that they’re ready to become refugees, I’m sure we can forge some of them into militants for our coming people’s war.”

“People’s war!” he concluded.

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