DHKP-C Oddly Chipper about Potential Rise of Fascism in the US


GAZİ MAHALLESİ, ISTANBUL – The clandestine organisation of musical scamps known as DHKP-C are oddly upbeat about ongoing reports from the United States that a fascist movement centred around the personality of Donald Trump is gaining strength in that country.

“I mean, obviously we believe that it is the bourgeoisie which benefits from US imperialism, and not the people in the US. So it’s not that we wish fascism would emerge in the US in earnest per se…” explained “Hüseyin”, a masked man who agreed to meet with one of our correspondents behind [REDACTED] çay salonu in Gazi Mahallesi. “But there are already a LOT of guns in the US from what our people there tell us.”

“Hüseyin” then spent thirty seconds pantomiming the action of firing a machine gun.

“TIRRRRR! TAK TAK TAK! Take THAT, you fascist sons of bitches!”

His comrade “Nergis” was given comradely and not at all patriarchal permission to agree.

“Obviously DHKP-C has never really been that active in international organising, because you know, we can’t even get along with Kurds really. But if there’s one sort of international solidarity we would really pour our heart and soul into, it’s encouraging massive bloodshed in the United States,” she explained, nervously glancing over to make sure “Hüseyin” had not ceased nodding in approval while she spoke.

“After everything the Americans put us through, they kind of deserve their own bloody internal conflict that they can respond to with a disorganised band of rag-tag militants who lash out with violence at the right and the left equally.”

At press time, an agreement had been reached to obtain autographed copies of several Grup Yorum albums for the Worker’s Spatula Istanbul office, to be picked up from the local cemevi Thursday night.

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