LONDON – Following Harpal Brar’s recent public self-criticism where he confessed to not nearly being contrarian and aloof enough for his role as leader of the CPGB-ML, the only British Marxist-Leninist organisation which continues to defend Comrade Stalin , a public decision has been taken to officially respond to all matters of everyday British politics with the phrase “who cares?”.
“It was a grave mistake to so loudly defend the unity of the British nation, which put us in the same camp as the Tories, fascists, Liberal Democrats, and worst of all, the Labour Party, the worst servants of British imperialism,” explained CPGB-ML “Vice Chairman” Ella Rule in a telephone interview we requested in response to this decision.
“On the other hand, we obviously can’t accept that the Welsh or Scottish exist. That would be American imperialism,” she continued, leading to a very boring twenty-minute argument we won’t bother repeating here.
“The only reasonable course of action would have been to declare that we don’t care about the referendum. This is the stance we are taking on all political issues which are not related to socialism and anti-imperialism henceforth: the EU, we don’t care, Scotland, we don’t care, women’s rights, we don’t care, the NHS, we don’t care. Whatever happens: we don’t care.”
Asked what does count as “related to socialism and anti-imperialism”, Rule gave the closest thing to a reasonable response to a question thusfar: “Union struggle, unconditional opposition to British warmongering, and fighting the police.”
“Then we just tell everyone Robert Conquest lied and that Jeremy Corbyn is the enemy. Dialectics teaches us that this will lead to revolution.”