LONDON – Following the decision to deny candidacy in the NEC elections to Rhea Wolfman, the only Jewish person in the running, on the grounds that she is supported by the “anti-Semitic” organisation Momentum, Labour Rightists have begun their raids on Momentum offices and related targets around London in the hope of crushing the anti-Jewish menace which has infiltrated the party and seeks to pervert its core pro-Jewish British values with its dangerous internationalist commitments.
“Fucking Arab lovers!” shrieked Luke Akehurst as he torched a synagogue in Stamford Hill. “This’ll teach you to deny Israel the right to exist!” he bellowed as he jumped into his car and sped off down the street.
“You big-nosed anti-Semitic shit!” Tristam Hunt growled through his fang-like teeth at Jon Lansman as he pressed a sheet of plywood against Lansman’s neck, choking him against a wall.
At press time, Emma Reynolds could be seen kicking an already bloody Sam Kriss in the stomach over and over again behind a Tesco Express in Stratford.
“Damn Jeremy Corbyn’s divisive politics for driving me to do this!” she screamed before resuming with her healthy Zionist kicking.
The Nazi royal family of Britain could not be reached for comment.