PYONGYANG – Behind-the-scenes sources from the 7th congress of the Workers’ Party of Korea report that the party is far more interested in sub-state developments in anti-imperialist trends than previously thought. It seems that many members of the party have been feverishly discussing for days the popularity of the Kurdish liberation movement led by Abdullah Öcalan in light of their stunning victories in Rojava.
“Why didn’t we correspond with Bookchin? Then North Korea could have actual defenders in fashionable left circles around the world, instead of just the CPGB-ML,” said Hwang Pyong-so.
“Oh, and the RCPB-ML. HOW COULD WE POSSIBLY FORGET THEM?”
“These solidarity missions to Rojava really upset us, why can’t ICOR try and ‘break the siege’ on North Korea? We’re only up against the fucking UN!” seethed Kim Yo-jong as she paced back and forth before a Worker’s Spatula correspondent as he furiously scribbled notes.
“But it’s our fault, we cut ourselves off from developments on the ground in imperialist countries, and now we’re losing out. Other than that, we’re pretty much the same as the PYD: We both abandoned historical materialism in favour of a basically anti-imperialist state model, we both have our catchy name for it: Juche and Democratic Confederalism.
“We tried sending a delegation to Qamişlo to get advice. The Kurds promised to introduce us to their people in Berlin in exchange for mountains of aid. Again, being embargoed by the UN here.”
Sources report that Kim Jong-un is still optimistic. “It’s not too late. We have a lot of people in Japan. We can turn Tokyo into our Berlin,” he is reported to have told a close confidant.
“Oh, who am I kidding? It’s back to waiting for the economic crisis in the south to deepen.”