Israel: “Please Barzani, Save Us”

 

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OCCUPIED JERUSALEM – Citing concerns that past statements had perhaps been too subtle, designed as they were to play off popular support for the PYD, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Tzipi Hotovely held a press conference today in which she directly addressed KRG President Masoud Barzani:

“Look Barzani, you know what this is all really about. You know our predicament. The KCK keeps gaining more and more power, and you’re just sitting there, letting them take it,” said Hotovely, referring to the Kurdish umbrella organisation born out of armed struggle, allied with the Palestinian liberation movement through the PFLP.

“We don’t know when you’re planning to step in and stop this, but terrorists are taking over Kurdistan, and this doesn’t just hurt us, but you too. Do what’s right, and invade Northern Syria and take over. The women of Kurdistan, by which I mean myself, demand this.

“Is this about ISIS? Does that really bother you? We can’t just call them off in Iraq with the Shi’as over there, being all… Shi’a. Why don’t you make friends with the Sunni Arabs, and then we’ll call them off. You guys are Sunni, right? Or is Kurdish a sect? How does that work? Can you be both? I’m extremely new to all this.”

In an unusual move, the PFLP responded by releasing its own statement directed at the increasingly unpopular US-backed puppet leader of Iraqi Kurdistan:

“Barzani, don’t listen to 7u6uwali, she’s drunk. We are your real bros, we speak the same language… Oh wait, you’re not happy about that. Hold up, I’m going to start over now.

“Hey Barzani, we assure you that we’ve spoken to some PKK guys in Beirut, and they swear they’ll give you all of Kurdistan as soon as they’re done beating ISIS. Honestly. They’re just being coy. So just let them do whatever they want, and the kingdom will be yours. It’s going to be great. Her bijî.”

The press statement was concluded with the PFLP spokesman fist-bumping Stefan Engel, who flashed the victory sign at the camera.

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