Pauline Hanson the Real Victim, Apparently


MELBOURNE – The entire Australian media, including supposedly “liberal” outlets, have united in their view that Pauline Hanson was the victim of an “abusive” “attack” by Aboriginal activist Murrandoo Yanner, wherein he slandered the known racist as a “racist redneck”, marking the worst incidence of abusive language in Australian politics since the last time Hanson or any of her supporters opened their mouths on any subject.

“It’s a fucking disgrace, letting these Abos run their mouths like that. You see why we had to send them away to them schools, eh? They’ve got no manners…” explained Hanson supporter Chris David, before he was cut off with a punch to the jaw by our local correspondent.

Hanson herself could barely hold back tears as she explained what had happened: “One of those people, you know the ones, the ones we never took a vote on whether we tolerate their existence or not, came up to me, in MY country, and told me to go back to my fish and chip shop. Everyone knows my fish and chip shop burnt down last year. We lost a lot of good bream in that fire. You know it was probably ISIS that did it. Comin’ over here…”

One more well-placed punch later, our local correspondent met with reasonable “non-racist” white Australian and proud owner of several Chinese friends, Karen Osborne, who tried to make sense of Hanson’s ideology for us:

“A lot of people claim she’s racist, but I don’t know. I mean, I don’t agree with all of what she says, but it just seems like common sense. This is Australia. Like we’re in Australia now. I’m Australian. And Australia is a place for Australians.”

Asked if there were different types of Australians, Osborne remained persistent: “It’s not a question of types. It’s a question of how long you’ve been here. The Muslims and so on, they’re new. We don’t know how well behaved they are, so we want to look at them a lot. We want to see them on CCTV cameras in the streets, in their mosques, in their bedrooms, ideally. Whereas me, I’ve been here for a while, so you don’t need to check in on me so much. Nobody needs to look and make sure I’m not causing any trouble.

“And the Aboriginals, they’ve been here forever, haven’t they? So I don’t know if we need to see them at all.”


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