İSTANBUL – Following a speech delivered by CHP Leader Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu at the “Rally for Democracy and the Martyrs”, in which Kılıçdaroğlu articulated a great many positive views, including support for democratic institutions that would not exclude the Kurdish Movement or others from political discourse, Kılıçdaroğlu’s name was quietly removed from the “kill lists” of several illegal groups operating within the borders of the Turkish Republic.
“I mean, fuck him, but also, you know, not bad” explained a spokesman for the illegal Devrimci Komünarlar Partisi (DKP). “Now we feel even worse about making fun of communists who attended his rallies to try to win people over to our cause. Could we have been ultra-left? No, obviously our line is always 100% correct. But maybe we should be more quiet about our totally correct views on the CHP.”
“When Kandil said that we were entering a tactical alliance with the CHP, I didn’t realise this meant they would actually say some things we agree with now. I thought we were just going to glare nervously at one another while shouting ambiguous anti-AKP slogans. But, I guess if he doesn’t come to power and kill a bunch of our people, we’ll let Kılıçdaroğlu live,” said a spokeswoman for the MLKP.
Reactions from within the CHP are similarly mixed. “Does he want a split?” asked İzmir MP Selin Sayek Böke angrily to our local correspondent. “He thinks he can just promote women’s equality and a democracy that includes the Mountain Turks? Not on my watch. I’d rather rot in a fascist theocracy with Erdoğan as caliph than put up with this.
“Democracy schmemocracy” she concluded.
UPDATE: The DHKP-C has announced that they have added Kılıçdaroğlu to their kill list. DSİP likewise has formed an armed “Permanent Revolutionary Propaganda” wing, whose task is to assassinate Kılıçdaroğlu “and other fascists who oppose Erdoğan, our democratically elected leader, whether we like it or not.”