CARDIFF – “Marxist-Leninist-Maoist” organisations across Western Europe were shocked to learn that the organisation which had been in touch with them under the name “Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr” does not actually exist, having been set up prior to Worker’s Spatula by some of the original Worker’s Spatula writers as a foil for jokes about Welsh people’s war.
A group of Norwegian and French Maoists, intrigued by the group’s existence thanks to Worker’s Spatula’s references to them in their coverage of British politics, travelled to Wales to meet with representatives of “the Welsh Socialist Republican Movement” and Welsh Maoism.
“We expected some level of secrecy, since Marxism-Leninism-Maoism is a political tradition that actively preaches armed struggle as a ‘universal truth’,” explained Norwegian Maoist “Kjell” to our Cardiff correspondent. “So when ordinary Welsh people pretended to have never heard of Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr, the Great Unrest, or the Welsh Socialist Republican Party, we weren’t surprised.”
“We got our first lead when we mentioned the name at the Plaid Cymru office, and a young man wearing a Worker’s Spatula t-shirt, a red bandana across his face, and dark sunglasses stood up and bolted out of the office,” French militant “Fatima” recounted. “He escaped between some nearby fishmongers’ stalls, but we got the idea to ask a man selling bream for help. Fortunately, he trusted us. We were led down a shadowy network of bream sellers, fishers, and inviduals otherwise involved in the bream trade. Several sheep were shagged in front of us, and even by some of our comrades in order to earn their trust.”
“It was horrible,” confirmed “Pierre”. “I never wanted to shag that sheep, and I was worried the Welsh could tell, so I shagged it multiple times and in various positions so it would be convincing.”
“We found a lot of red flags and graffiti in weird locations, but we never found a rally or a meeting of any sort. The trail went cold in a small village on the Isle of Anglesey near Llanfairpwllgwyngyll,” continued “Fatima”. “An old man there saw us staring at some of the flags and graffiti and he started talking to us. We didn’t understand much of what he said, so we had to procure a Welsh to English interpreter, named Rhys. It turns out he was speaking English, but just had a ridiculous accent, but Rhys was kind enough to interpret anyway.”
“He said that the graffiti and flags had been put up by some Turks and Germans who had rolled into town, blasting American rap music and talking loudly about dialectics. Well we all know who that is. That’s you lot,” said Pierre, pointing an accusing and frankly awful-smelling finger at our correspondent as he finished his tale of woe.
“Yeah, so we did it. We made up a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist group in Wales for a laugh,” responded our correspondent. “But so what? Dych chi ddim yn angen grŵp Maoaidd Cymreig. Oedd maoaeth go iawn ynoch ar hyd!”