SYDNEY – Following a string of Yelp restaurant reviews by one “JungleTiger” which paid scant attention to the quality of food and service but dedicated paragraphs to non sequitur statements about the history of the international communist movement and the wait staff’s views thereon, it has become clear that the author of these reviews is pursuing a strategy of utilising Yelp reviews to further the accumulation of forces for a coming “People’s War”.
“Teras Bali is a decent restaurant. I particularly liked the seafood. Indonesia is a country with a rich and storied history and culture. But a part of it many Australians might not know much about is the way that the mighty PKI was unable to achieve victory despite what appeared to be quite favourable circumstances, because unfortunately the universal truth of Protracted People’s War had not yet been revealed by the RIM’s groundbreaking analysis of Mao’s contributions to the proletarian ideology. The result was the massacre of millions. And yet the bourgeois Peruvians over at La Perrillada want to tell me about how bad Abimael Guzmán was!”
The account has reviewed numerous Chinese restaurants in the Sydney area, and even other metropolitan areas of Australia, including Melbourne and Adelaide (which is a hole). Statistical analysis reveals a clear pattern by which restaurants whose wait staff recall the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution more fondly receive higher reviews. The account’s single five-star review belongs to a restaurant in Sydney where an older waiter joined the reviewer in singing along to Cultural Revolution songs on their iPhone:
A hole-in-the-wall Albanian restaurant was added to the web site by “JungleTiger” simply so they could review it. The review in its entirety reads “Bloody dogmato-revisionists”.