LONDON – As the urban guerrilla campaign led by English Worker’s Spatula correspondents in defence of the Corbyn leadership draws closer and closer to victory, Corbyn’s enemies are trying ever more creative methods to outmanoeuvre the insane communist bent on the destruction of all that Britain holds dear.
“We’re very excited to announce that Comrade Tom Watson will be speaking at a fundraising night for CPGB-ML at the DPRK embassy,” announced Harpal Brar. “Tom Watson has been a great aid to us in exposing the dark reality of Trotskyites supporting Corbyn, and as we know, the principal task of revolutionaries is to crush Trotskyism, wherever it shows its face.”
“I think it’s great,” said Red Youth Chairman and membership Michael Hughes. “I’m glad we’re finally taking the initiative to unite with others to crush the fascist Trotskyite menace once and for all. I’ve been saying we should do this for years. Personally, I cross picket lines all the time just to see the look on the fucking Trots’ faces when I do it.”
Although Watson and the CPGB-ML are united in their hatred of Corbyn and their belief that their conception of “the Trots” are “behind” him, it is not at all clear that British Trotskyists themselves actually support Corbyn in any meaningful way. While groups like the SWP have come out in favour of Corbyn against Smith, they have failed to join us in armed struggle to defend his leadership, preferring to walk up to the trenches to sell newspapers and recruit people to the SWP:
“Excuse me, would you like to hear the Socialist Workers Party’s position on Corbyn? We think it’s very exciting to see young people so enthusiastic about fighting the Labour Right, and we want to explain how organisation is really the key to bringing that fight to its logical conclusion,” explained the SWP newspaper salesman as bullets whizzed overhead.
“Yeah, no, I’m just a bit busy right now, actually”, replied the masked woman returning fire at Jack Straw. “Could you come back later?”
“Oh yes, I will do,” said the newspaper salesman as he scurried out of the trench and into a nearby bus shelter.
The Spartacist League, for its part, has come out in favour of Owen Smith, reasoning that “Although we don’t ordinarily support anyone in Labour, it was nice to see him defend international socialism against the Stalinist Corbyn’s proposal for ‘Socialism in One Country’.”
A grouping of former members of the now-dissolved “Permanent Revolution” tendency have likewise offered Owen Smith “critical support” on the grounds that “We had one meeting with him which was quite fruitful, he seemed very enthusiastic about the idea of building a Seventh International together with us. We hope Owen Smith will do for British Trotskyism what Hugo Chávez did for Venezuelan Trotskyism.”