Are you a hip young communist, trying to stay fit and save money? Then may we humbly recommend the cadging of fags, or as our US friends call it, bumming fags, but that’s the subject of another paid advertisement: Our new app, Spatulr.
In the meanwhile, let us set the scene: You’re on the street, going about your anti-revisionist business, when your stomach starts to grumble. But you’ve barely got any money in your account for the next week, and you haven’t any cash at all!
Given that your impoverished lifestyle means that you survive mostly on cheap carbohydrates, you’re worried about your figure, which has to stay lean for running around at protests and jumping turnstiles at the train station. Our anarchist friends know this struggle well! Is there a way to eat fewer meals, thus saving money and staying fit, without being miserable? There is!
Simply walk up to any respectable bourgeois-looking person on the street having a smoke and ask them politely if you might have one as well, mate. You’re trying to quit, after all, and you wouldn’t want to have to buy a whole pack, thus tempting you back to smoking. Meanwhile, they, a lowly smoker, are in no position to judge whether or not you, one of the noble quitters, ought to be having this one cigarette! So cadge away, comrades! Cadge away!
Let’s hear some testimonials from satisfied customers:
“I often get hungry during the day, and I find that a cigarette staves off the hunger until I can get free food from an event at my school. Thanks, cadging!”
-Nigel Angliss, SOAS student
“That Nigel thinks he’s awfully clever, pulling that ‘Oh I’m trying to quit!’ routine. Next time I see him I’m going to charge him for a fag.”
-Jasmine Puri, SOAS student