FARC: “No, that’s fine. Your funeral.”


SERRANÍA DEL PERIJÁ, COLOMBIA – Timoleón “Timonchenco” Jiménez agreed to an exclusive interview with Worker’s Spatula, following the shockingly close “no” vote on the peace deal in Colombia, as well as news that the Colombian state will be issuing rifles to every Colombian citizen so that they too can experience the feeling of shooting a “Castrochavist” terrorist.

WS: What do you have to say about…

TIMONCHENCO: Blah blah blah, we see who wants peace and who wants war, you know what I’m going to say. They know what I’m going to say. They know I’m right.

WS: Do you think that the role of…

TIMONCHENCO: You know, I really tried to… no, you know what? That’s fine. Your funeral. You absolute bastards.

WS: Do you see the long-term role of armed struggle as being more or less…

TIMONCHENCO: Bring it on, you know? Bring it on. We made it this far, in much worse conditions, to be honest. People’s army. We’ll outlast Cuba at this rate.

WS: Speaking of Cuba…

TIMONCHENCO: You think this vote reflected some sort of vote of confidence in the Colombian state? Have you ever had to live in Colombia? I had to live here as a child in the 60s. How much better do you think things have really gotten? Well we see, don’t we? This is your fucking Colombian democracy. First Uribe, and now this. Well bravo, ¡bravo! <begins applauding alone>

WS: How much do you think this vote actually reflects the popular will?

TIMONCHENCO: I spit on the son of a bastard fake popular will that shows up in this vote. I am ready to die for the people, comrade. Even many of the people who voted against this peace, one day they will see, as you see, and as everyone sees, that they were tricked by the people who really want war into calling the people who really supported peace “terrorists”. There’s your fucking interview.

WS: Thanks very much!


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