CHICAGO – Following months of intensive research into “the clown situation” in the US, top dialecticians at Worker’s Spatula have tentatively arrived at the conclusion that the clowns are probably in the right.
“All we’re saying is, these clowns aren’t apparently exploiting or oppressing anyone. They seem to have rejected bourgeois society and taken to the woods in the dead of night. This places them somewhere in the range of Jill Stein or the Revolutionary Organization of Labor [sic] in terms of their praxis.
“Look, it’s not as if anyone else around here knows what they’re doing such that we’re in a position to criticise the clowns. We think they’re gathering forces for a Maoist people’s war?”
Evidence for this latter claim is largely found in news out of British Columbia that one “Subcomandante Bozo” performed a spooky pantomime at half three in the morning outside a reporter’s window, which depicted the surrounding of urban areas from the woods, and implying the occupation of larger parks within cities.
Reports of clown sightings in the UK have are on the rise, with a sighting in Durham confirming Worker’s Spatula’s suspicions that the clowns are on the right side of history: “If you’re going to be from England, at least be from the north of England,” opined our Glasgow correspondent.
“We call on these clowns to carry their reign of terror to the representatives of London rule in occupied Northumbria. Long live the clowns, death to England!”
Multiple instances of graffiti have been spotted in York’s Walmgate Stray, reading “DON’T VOTE THROW PIES”. Local police have taken to questioning suspicious-looking youth to determine if they are or are not “down with the clown”.
While initial opinion polls indicated a high level of fear and distrust of the clowns by the public at large, a spike in public sympathy for the clowns has been observed following reports of several clown sightings in Dublin prior to the disappearance of pop star and eyewear aficionado Bono.