Study Finds US Millenials Prefer Stalin to Jesus

saintstalin

NEW YORK – A new study commissioned by the Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation and YouGov has revealed a very high level of support for the proletarian ideology, with the majority of young people responding favourably to Marx and Lenin quotes, and preferring the ethical teachings of Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin to those of Jesus of Nazareth.

While many of those interviewed for the study stated that they had not even heard of Stalin, many others appear to have wilfully responded in defence of the late Soviet leader. The report contains quotes from several young people to the effect of “Stalin did nothing wrong, that’s a bourgeois lie”, and “what are you, a Trotskyite?”.

Conversely, although the general trend was to ascribe a greater number of innocent deaths to the administration of George Walker Bush than that of Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin, most young people who opined that Stalin was responsible for more innocent deaths added comments to the effect of “I’m no tankie, at least Bush liberated Iraq from the Russian agent, Saddam”.

Christians and Republicans around the United States are vocally disturbed by the results. However Michael Wisniewski, a spokesman for the Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation, said that they were not altogether surprising:

“These days, most university campuses are biased in favour of communism and other totalitarian ideologies and against traditional values. This is because of the influence of tenured Marxist professors who gained their status thanks to covert Soviet funding and pressure from Soviet agents and their front organisations during the Cold War.”

Indeed, hardly a university in the northeastern United States can be found which lacks a so-called “safe space”, many of which house the Collected Works of Stalin, as well as the Qur’an, although several have a strict ban on the Christian Bible on the grounds that it is “cissexist”. We sat down with a representative of the Students for Justice in Palestine at Brooklyn College in New York, who asked that her name not be used because “you look like a cop”:

“The Christian Bible is a reactionary and Zionist document. The Noble Qur’an, however, was revealed to Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam without Zionist or TERF influence. It triggers no one.”

The “All Marxist-Leninist Union”, famous for its work with campus Stalin apologist Grover Furr, has also successfully petitioned Rutgers University, which has previously rejected public acknowledgement of the Christian Ten Commandments on grounds of “secularism”, to begin construction of a monument honouring the Ten Islamic Commandments.

This follows mere weeks after Harvard University ignored the ongoing protests and allowed a public talk by Ali Shariati, Iranian communist and proponent of the Vilayat-e Faqih, although the Harvard Hillel is currently on probation for a “culturally insensitive” event on the cuisine of Israel.

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