HAMBURG – A tense stand-off with some wolf-howling Turkish fascists counter-protesting a crowd of Kurdish and Turkish progressives who had been protesting the mass arrest of HDP parliamentarians ended unexpectedly peacefully today, thanks to the careful deployment of an unusual brand of reverse psychology by one Ronî Akbulut, a professional Kurdish troll.
The simmering tension between the two sides almost reached a head around 2:45 PM local time, when a particularly burly ülkücü positioned himself in front of Akbulut and a comrade and began cursing them as follows: “You PKK sons of bitches, I’ll fuck your cunts.”
While Akbulut’s comrade, who drew himself up so that his face was within mere centimetres of the face of his fascist foe, elected to curse back, Akbulut cleverly chose another tactic:
“No sir, I think you’ll find that it’s actually you who’s the PKK. You’re dividing Turkey.”
“What?” asked a nearby crowd of fascists, craning their necks so that they could better observe this startling turn of events.
“Yes,” explained Akbulut, “while I can see why you might think that we, with our Kurdish slogans and Apo flags and so forth, are the PKK, you’re the PKK. All of you. We’re actually Erdoğan.”
“You’re Erdoğan?” asked a confused bozkurt with a long ponytail.
“Yes. In fact, I am Turkey, and you’re dividing me with your terror. Türk ırkı sağolsun. Now go, and terrorise no more.”
Within minutes, all local MHPliler had returned to their animal skin-filled hideout in order to process their newfound identity crisis, while the Kurds and their red allies returned to protesting in peace.
“BIJÎ BIRATIYA GELAN! KURDISTAN GORISTAN JI BO FAŞÎSTAN!”