WASHINGTON D.C. – Following his monumental victory over the forces of Clintonite fascism, Donald Trump agreed to take part in a live discussion segment on Fox News earlier today with fellow philosopher, accelerationist, and known Slovene Slavoj Žižek. The topic, chosen by Trump, was “What does Hegel mean for politics today?”
Žižek began the discussion thus: “I think one of the most important moments in Hegel is where he identifies the importance of the French Revolution not in its mere overturning of the old order, but how its participants actually took active part in radical attacks on the very institutions they themselves erected in the pursuit of the ideals those institutions represented.”
“Philosophy of Right, a personal favourite,” interjected a nodding and dignified-looking Trump. “The best.”
“How do you think this conception of revolutionary change will apply to your presidency?” Žižek asked the president-elect, previously best known for his halal steak business, Trump Steaks.
“Slavoj, let me tell you, it’s gonna be huge. We’re going to negate all the negations. We’re going to sublate so much you’re going to get tired of all the sublation. We’re going to American manufacture multiple levels of contradiction and sell them to the Chinese.”
At this point in the discussion, Hannibal Buress appeared behind Trump and began clapping alone for several seconds.
“Make America dialectical again. We’re going to put America back to work more and more until the quantity transforms into quality and then right the fuck back into quantity. Big time.”
“Do you suppose that your victory signifies a success in appropriating fascism, but for the left?” asked Žižek, apparently in earnest.
“Slavoj, my good friend, and, hold on, I gotta say this, I really love this guy. Of all the Slovenes who have ever handled my genitals, he is easily in the top ten. Easily. He handles genitals big league. But to answer your question, if I were to say what my campaign was about, it wasn’t about freedom. That’s not the thing in itself. Because freedom isn’t free, but neither is necessity. Additionally, neither are, strictly speaking, necessary. And that’s the sort of America I want to live in.”
“That was an Engels joke, you see what we did there, right?” asked Žižek, breaking the fourth wall for the benefit of any CPGB-ML readers who may have stumbled across our liberal, bourgeois, Scottish nationalist page.
The last four minutes of the interview were dominated by both participants sniffing continuously and tugging at their own clothes, just looking very uncomfortable.