Turkey Condemns Violence Against Anti-Trump Protesters

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ANKARA – Following news of multiple shooting deaths of peaceful anti-Trump protesters in multiple cities across the United States, the Turkish Ministery of Foreign Affairs has condemned the United States’ disproportionate use of force against peaceful protesters.

Additionally, a travel warning has been issued to Turkish citizens in the US, advising them to return to the safety and stability of Turkey in 2016.

Across Turkey, MHP thugs in the process of beating Kurds in the street paused from their daily activities to comment on how this demonstrated the now 100% MHP-approved AKP government had finally restored Turkey to its rightful place in the family of nations.

“That sünnetsiz Trump is already brutalising his own citizens, in the same country that has for years tried to intervene in our democracy,” opined one Ahmet Bozkurt, referring to the years of CIA funding to his party and other right-wing forces of Turkish fascism which had suppressed the Kurdish national movement and various communist organisations.

Flipping his tespih with one hand while using the other to hold down Ali Savaş – a helpless Kurdish worker who had come to Bozkurt’s native Trabzon to feed his impoverished Mêrdîn family – Bozkurt continued: “This’ll really tell the west to stop meddling in our affairs and using their so-called ‘human rights’ against us and no other country.”

“İnsan olmayan Kürtlerin insan hakları yok ki,” he concluded, landing another blow to the worker’s face.

İzmir police officer and longtime MHP-voter Hakan Top agreed: “There’s definitely no difference in the level of repression of protests between our countries, they only hate us because we’re Muslims.”

“They’re all Kurd-lovers too,” he added, before pepper-gassing the interior of his police truck, which contained a sixteen-year-old girl affiliated with TÖPG youth wing Liseli Kıvılcım, as well two youngsters affiliated with the SGDF.

“The days of double standards are over,” explained Mardin native and state-appointed cleric Abdullah Çelikçioğlu. “In the old days, the US would invade Arab countries to fight people they called terrorists, and when Turkey did the same thing… I dunno what happened actually, but now presumably nothing will happen.”

MHP sources are still divided as to whether protesting Trump is actually desirable, with most insisting on “waiting to see where Trump stands on Kurds” before forming any opinion whatsoever.

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