Worker’s Spatula New Year’s Message and Self-Criticism

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“No, we see your point,” explained our host, politely. “His analysis of international relations IS good, but I don’t think we’ll be converting the entire party to Shi’a Islam on the basis of that alone.”

“We’re recording,” interrupted the Yank. “Read the statement.”

“COMRADES!” began a bearded comrade with an obnoxious English accent, drops of butter tea dripping down his moustache, “We, the central committee of Worker’s Spatula, the rebel base of Marxist-Leninist internet irony, are here in a mountain camp in Bhutan, in solidarity with the local Gonzalists and their popular war against Bhutanese happiness! MABUHAY!”

“Down with mirth! Fuck joy!” interrupted one of the guerrillas in the back.

2016 marked the first full calendar year of Worker’s Spatula activity. Despite a generally pessimistic mood in some corners, in many ways, we count this past year as a success: We successfully defended Jeremy Corbyn against the Blairites, we defeated Hillary Clinton through our accelerationist agent, the Donald, and we sold a few t-shirts.

Per our original self-description, we take no responsibility for the many setbacks the world revolutionary movement has suffered over the course of the past year. Further, we are responsible for all progressive motion and unity among the revolutionary masses and their vanguard. So one would think we have no room for self-criticism, but we do. And not only because we’re being hosted by Maoists.

First of all, during our New Year’s self-criticism last year, we promised video propaganda. We did produce one low quality video, and wrote two or three others, but we made the grievous error of trusting the Yanks with video production duties. Needless to say, we should’ve known from Hollywood that the US is the last country you can put your faith in for quality video work. Hopefully and إن شاء الله, 2017 permits us to produce those and other videos for your viewing enjoyment.

More importantly, if we’re perfectly honest with ourselves, Worker’s Spatula is altogether too accessible to people who don’t spend all day reading ROL newsletters and founding documents of Turkish Marxist-Leninist groups from the 80s and 90s. We are simply not weird and obscure enough. Sometimes we even catch anarchists reading our work. It’s extremely disheartening to see, and represents clear evidence of some deviation from the correct line handed down to us from the prophet Vladimir Lenin (SAW).

Prepare for a new year which is more brutal, more dialectical, and more materialist. Prepare for jokes that Die Linke people won’t get, and GegenStandpunkt will hate themselves for chuckling at. We’re going to make jokes about Hegel and Gramsci and Left Communism, we’re going to talk about the THKPC-MLSPB instead of the MLKP, and we’re basically going to make 90% of our readers and 50% of our own staff declare the Spatula to be a hateful, unreadable mess barely worth mentioning.

We’re going to make the RCPB-ML look like the fucking CPB.

And yet somehow we’re going to keep gaining followers, because this is the internet, and quality and quantity keep transforming into each other in the ways we least expect.

In this spirit, we call on all of you to make a New Year’s resolution with us: MAKE YOUR RESOLUTION, REVOLUTION. Resolve to join Worker’s Spatula in our regular reading of revolutionary texts, the Spatula Reading Group, and become part of the process of our interventions in practical politics by responding to them!

On the first and fifteenth of every month, we’re going to assign a different revolutionary text for collective reading. It may be from the Marxist-Leninist canon, or perhaps it will be Hegel, but we will provide a link to the text online.

We want you, the readers, to write a one-page summary, or response with your reactions, preferably in terms of how you were able to relate the reading to the material conditions in which you are doing revolutionary politics. Through this online reading and recontextualising, you will be taking part in the dialectic that underlies Worker’s Spatula. You can push the spiral upwards! Push it! Push it good! Push it real good!

Taking part in this campaign is a great way to improve your Marxist reading and help expand Worker’s Spatula’s collective consciousness of the theoretical and practical struggles in your life. We encourage all to take part, and to e-mail us at mastursublator [at] gmail.com

Finally, in spite of whatever setbacks may loom large in your sight, we hope all comrades will cling tight to hope and struggle on to great victories in the new year! In particular, we hail Oscar Temaru’s inevitable victory in the upcoming French presidential elections. When the power of the Spatula and the revolutionary masses are united, miracles are possible! We are right, we will win!

WORKER’S AND OPPRESSED PEOPLES OF THE WORLD – UNITE!

Upon completing the reading of the statement, all present raised their Kalashnikovs skywards and fired into the heavens whilst the Yank screamed: “DIALECTICS, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

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Ex-Soviets Resist “Queue Culture”

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TORONTO – As the post-Soviet economies continue to produce high unemployment, forcing many ex-Soviet citizens into the diaspora, cultures increasingly clash in major imperialist countries with a relatively high intake of immigrants, such as the United States and Canada.

“These fucking Russians and Uzbeks and whatever else they are, they don’t know how to line up!” exclaimed Karen Nestor, local student and Pierre Trudeau fan, while being jostled out of place repeatedly by old headscarved women, several of whom were multilingual, but not in any languages they speak in Canada. “This is what communism does to people, I guess, no civilisation!”

“Actually,” interjected Zəhra Kazımova, an Anthropology student at the local University of Toronto, “Lineups were a common activity forced upon my parents’ generation by the Soviet regime. Here in Canada, they are simply expressing the freedom that capitalism brings to not have to line up for goods and services.

“I’m not surprised privileged people like you would no idea about how far you have been indoctrinated by racist Cultural Marxism to believe that everyone has to line up behind you according to your standards of civilisation. It’s exactly your thinking that made the Soviet Union so oppressive to my people!”

“Wow,” exclaimed Nestor, shocked at her own un-unpacked privilege. “I had never thought about it that way!”

Our local correspondent spoke to Gurmat Singh, a local immigration lawyer, to learn more about the problems of queue culture:

“You have no idea the horror stories we hear from people who grew up under communism. Some of them had to wait in line for bread, and then wait in another line for various other goods, and then ride in a vehicle packed with other people on their way back to a small apartment. It was hell. I tell them: This is Canada. This is a free country. You don’t have to experience any of that ever again.

“But some of us who grew up here in Canada, they just can’t understand how important these freedoms are. We don’t appreciate the freedom from a crushing, alienating life of poverty that is the birthright of every Canadian.”

Despite the educational efforts of experts like Singh and community insiders like Kazımova, many people who grew up with English Canadian national culture still insist on imposing Cultural Marxist ideas on these people who have already enough suffered from Marxism and its unnatural ideas of equality.

“If they don’t want to wait with everyone else, they should pay extra for a delivery service! That’s what makes the system function so well: You pay the appropriate amount for the thing you really want. These queue-jumpers are trying to game the system!” explained Economics major, wannabe Austrian, and apparent “Cultural Marxist” Frederick Murray.

“What we need to do is introduce a more free market system into their countries, so if they immigrate here, they’re already familiar with what life is like in a developed capitalist country,” concluded Murray, clearly applying Marx’s Eurocentric standards of “development” to countries like Russia which have been denied the free market blessings the average Canadian enjoys so well.

However, not all ex-Soviet immigrants share the queue-jumping perspective of Kazımova’s elders. Some are resisting communism in their own way:

“YOU COMMUNIST WHORE!” screamed local “patriotic anti-communist” Yegor Nazarenko as he kicked an old Ukrainian man in the shins as he attempted to jump the queue, sending the latter’s plastic container full of roast chicken on a collision course with the dirty floor of the supermarket.

“How dare you jump a civilised, democratic queue as if it were one of those Judeo-Bolshevik queues back home!” he scolded the old man, grinding the roast chicken into the floor with his combat boot as the old man stared up at him, tears in his eyes.

Nazarenko then joined the queue himself, where he purchased a six-pack of “pyvo”, paid for by Canada Benefits.

Humourless Marxist Reviews: La La Land

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La La Land is a film about two bourgeois artists seeking apolitical success in the landscape of the post-2008 global financial crisis Los Angeles, and their oppressor nation heterosexual romance, and also there is some song and dance.

You would think Worker’s Spatula, a brutally honest Marxist-Leninist news source which starts every conversation about US politics with a statement about the centrality of national liberation movements against such parasitic class and national elements, would have no time for such flights of bourgeois fancy. You would think we wouldn’t like this film.

But you would be motherfucking wrong, comrade. Because Ryan Gosling is a Grade A dialectician, and has only acted in films which are in some sense designed to teach the masses about dialectics, ever since our people got the script for Half Nelson to his agent all those years ago.

Gosling, a real Hegelian, realer than that fraud Žižek for sure, only accepted this script because his character got to talk about jazz in a way that is but a transparent veneer for his real intended message, that things are always in motion, always changing, guided by internal processes which we characterise as “contradictions”. Gosling, a proper Marxist, only accepted the script because his character’s attack on the “samba-tapas” restaurant was clearly intended to explain the inevitability of the commodification of all things under capitalism.

Gosling, a philosopher king, would never act in a film, bourgeois or otherwise, that didn’t include such a magnificently dialectical conclusion as the final scene of La La Land, which we encourage you all to pirate and watch with your Hegel reading groups.

Apart from the unavoidable critique of its lack of overt themes of national liberation and class struggle in the largest city in Aztlán, and of course its lack of a groundbreaking approach to gender politics onscreen, our only substantial criticism of this film, extremely entertaining and dialectical for a Hollywood production, is that we did not even for one moment get to glimpse Ryan Gosling’s bumhole.

This particular factor was not only disappointing because the audience wants to see Ryan Gosling’s bumhole. It was disappointing because the audience needs to see Ryan Gosling’s bumhole. This unfulfilled longing haunts the viewer from the moment Gosling’s face is first shown onscreen until the credits are rolled.

Gosling’s bumhole could have been worked into the film any number of ways. It could’ve been snuck in during the credits, like the penis at the end of Fight Club, for which our team of reviewers waited anxiously after everyone else had left the cinema. It could’ve been worked in during Gosling’s predictable onscreen relationship with Emma Stone, with the latter prying it open with her fingers.

More daringly, perhaps Gosling’s bumhole could’ve been featured in an act of homosexual penetration. Or even more daringly, perhaps we could’ve simply been treated to a shot of Gosling defecating with a camera in the toilet, as his bumhole opened up to let out his excrement.

None of these options were apparently seriously considered by the studio, or if they were, they were foolishly prevented from finding their way into the final cut. More than the whitewashing of gender, national, or class relations in Los Angeles, this choice speaks to the disgusting lack of bravery on the part of director Damien Chazelle. Shame on you, Damien Chazelle. Shame on you.

Perhaps even this glaring oversight could be ignored if there had been a shot of Gosling’s urethra, or perhaps simply some close-up shots of his skin pores opening and closing, but alas, even this is too much to ask from the bourgeois hacks who waste Gosling’s amazing talents in the hollow pursuit of profits.

I hate Damien Chazelle and everything he stands for. I hope he gets hit by a bus. No matter how much I and the rest of the team enjoyed La La Land, nothing can fill in the hole left by the absence of Gosling’s hole in that film. Even a written apology clearly stained with Chazelle’s tears and with several photographs or even video footage of Gosling’s anus attached cannot make up for this slight, nay, this affront against art.

Go fuck yourself, Damien Chazelle.

Good film otherwise though.

George Michael Latest Casualty in War on Christmas

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OXFORDSHIRE – While 2016 has claimed the lives of many bourgeois celebrities, Worker’s Spatula notes with special sadness the passing of George Michael. George Michael’s music has long provided the soundtrack to our revolutionary activities, long before there was a Worker’s Spatula as such. Ever since he jitterbugged into the heart of our oldest member in the early 1980s, George Michael has been a glorious symbol of our fight against fascism. From his own public struggle against the Thatcherite and Blairite scum, to our use of his song “Freedom!” to celebrate the liberation of Kobanê from ISIS, few bourgeois singers more perfectly encapsulate the spirit of resistance that Worker’s Spatula seeks to raise up among the masses than George Michael, bard of the people’s struggle.

While our comrade Jeremy Corbyn is leading the public commemoration of this heroic anti-fascist troubadour, we at Worker’s Spatula wanted to discuss George Michael’s life and death, and what they meant for us.

Although we could never convince George Michael to write for or contribute financially to Worker’s Spatula (on the grounds of his support for TKEP/L in Turkey, as opposed to the strict anti-revisionism of Worker’s Spatula), many of our cadres were close to him due to shared interests, including cottaging, bursting into song, hating Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair, and bursting into songs about hating Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair whilst cottaging. On several occasions, the editor-in-chief of Worker’s Spatula was known to partake in one or more of these activities together with George Michael, who remained on friendly terms in spite of the aforementioned Brezhnevite/Hoxhaite issue.

George Michael’s untimely death caught us all by surprise, leading to the unavoidable conclusion that he was assassinated by the Tories. The Tory scum chose Christmas to assassinate him because they hate Christmas, and joy, and the laughter of children. In particular, the Tories detest the laughter of the working class children of England today, who are constantly to be seen on public transportation wearing Worker’s Spatula t-shirts and singing the songs of George Michael, like “Faith”, “I Want Your Sex”, and “Polyushko-polye”.

Last Christmas, we gave our hearts to George Michael’s best friend in the whole world, Jeremy Corbyn, when he quoted Enver Hoxha at the Labour Christmas party. But the very next year, George Michael was taken from us. 2016 has been nothing if not a difficult year for communist revolutionaries and George Michael fans alike. But we must stand tall and remain hopeful in spite of these setbacks. That’s what George Michael would have wanted.

After all, his last words were: “DON’T MOURN, ORGANISE!”

TKP Name Contested Again, Zuckerberg Weighs In

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İSTANBUL – Following over two years of increasing distance between the originally relatively amicable split in the revisionist organisation that was at the time simply referred to as the TKP (Communist Party of Turkey), tensions have flared up between KP (Communist Party, which would usually append “Turkey”, mostly to remind Kurds that they were the anti-Kurdish group formerly known as TKP, and not the tiny Kaypakkayacı outfit known as KP-İÖ) and the HTKP (People’s Communist Party of Turkey, known for having less people), following the latter’s announcement that they would be reclaiming the name TKP for themselves.

The former HTKP have legitimised their decision to declare themselves TKP without consulting KP by stating that the latter had been engaged in secret talks with the state regarding reclaiming the name. Knowing KP, who are constantly engaged in talks with the state about how to be as against Kurdish nationalism as possible, this is indeed likely. HTKP have backed up their decision by registering themselves with a far more legitimate source: Facebook.

Zuckerberg was ambushed for comment at a local Chinese restaurant where he was enjoying his Christmas dinner: “As a Brezhnevite myself, obviously I’m deeply concerned with these developments. It is Facebook’s official position that HTKP is now the legitimate Communist Party of Turkey. Erkan Baş is a dear comrade, and I will stand with him against any force on Earth. Now can I finish my 三杯雞?”

However, other forces have aligned behind the KP, with the TKH claiming that the HTKP’s move was “opportunist”, “infantile”, and “revisionist” [Editor’s note: ???].

Reaction from Dersim, the most communist place on Earth, however, may indicate that the KP is outnumbered. DHF-affiliated “TKP” mayor Maçoğlu tweeted a multi-part reaction which said: “When I was elected communist mayor of this municipality, there was a TKP whose name we were using, and that was fine at the time. But I had since gotten used to the TKP’s split meaning that it was obvious even to İzmir kids that I was some kind of Maoist. If they’re going to fight over who gets to be the TKP, and I have to choose a side, I guess I’ll go with Erkan Baş’s side, just because of our shared top quality moustaches, and because he’s the only nice person to affiliate with ‘TKP’ in decades.”

With Hüseyin Karabulut remaining silent as of press time, no neutral arbiter could be found within the Brezhenvite camp to resolve this conundrum, and multiple voices from the associated Turkish left merely contradict one another. Worker’s Spatula, the only objective news source covering the world revolutionary movement, could not let down our loyal readers without resolving the important question as who will be the heirs to the name associated with Mustafa Suphi. Our German correspondents got a hold of Stefan Engel, who was already extremely drunk on account of all the Christmas, but managed to slur out a German saying which we are to believe was intended as a kind of Nostradamic prophecy:

“Wenn zwei sich streiten freut sich der Dritte!”

The dialectic, which reveals itself through German expressions slurred out by a drunk Stefan Engel, has therefore revealed that TKP-1920 are to be the official heirs to Mustafa Suphi’s TKP legacy. HTKP is to join TÖPG and the KP is to rename itself Vatan Partisi (Marxist-Leninist).

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world – unite! And Merry Christmas!

Rive Gauche Impressions: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan Latest En Vogue Postmodernist Philosopher

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PARIS – Worker’s Spatula spoke with some hip students and intellectuals in Rive Gauche cafés about the recent events in Turkey, including several bomb attacks and the assassination of the Russian ambassador, which followed over a year of extraordinary events that have by now become ordinary including, yet again, several bombing attacks, war in Kurdistan, a coup attempt, martial law, and so on and so on.

*sniffs*

Among the jeunesse d’or of France there is a widespread admiration for the Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, particularly in poststructuralist and deconstructionist circles. François, philosophy student at Paris VIII told us: «Ever since the death of Derrida we have been thinking about how to develop his theory. I mean, what does it mean to develop a theory? Is there progress? Is there progress in theory? What about practice? I am very impressed by Erdoğan, he is a legitimate successor to Derrida. Even Derrida has only rejected the notion of the possibility of stability. He deciphered stability as an illusion on a conceptual level. But Erdoğan has deconstructed the notion of stability in practice, by proclaiming the unstable situation in Turkey as the manifestation of his stabilising effect. A deconstructive genius, using the material to tear apart the abstraction.»

Sophie appears to be a student somehwere, although she preferred to play coy when asked her precise academic affiliations, replying that she was «a student of life». She largely agreed with François’s assessment: «We always used to say that reality does not exist and everything is language and so on… but, let’s be honest, we say that because it is the cool thing to say. But with him, with my dear Recep, he actually lives the idea that reality does not exist. We could say, following Judith Butler, that there is a performativity involved, a performative negation of the notion of reality and illusion, dissolved into an infinite series of differences in his speeches. C’est fantastique!»

Mourad, a sociology student and a close observer of the Middle East, expressed his fascination with the fluidity not only of political discourse in Turkey, but of the ideology of the ruling party itself: «Also,» he added, «if their constant attacks on the intelligentsia aren’t postmodernist, they’re at least Maoist, so either way, a refreshing new approach to politics in the region.»

Local KCK enthusiast and weirdo Joseph pointed out to us that Abdullah Öcalan was the first one to assess Erdoğan’s thought in this fashion, and the former only fails to be recognised for his theoretical contributions due to the anti-Kurdish sentiments prevalent among the Rive Gauche élite.

«They’re all ironic Kemalists as well, you see.»

Corbyn Demands Loyalty to PYD

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LONDON – Despite claiming to be reinventing himself as a populist, Hoxhaite leader of the UK Party of Labour Jeremy Corbyn may find his new policy proposal to be less than popular with the still-unliberated British electorate.

The proposal, unveiled at a small press conference today at his Islington bunker, would see all new public servants having to take three months out of their first year in office to fight alongside the YPG/YPJ forces linked with the PYD in Syria.

Matt Zarb-Cousin, a spokesman for Mr. Corbyn, told the Spatula the idea shouldn’t be controversial: “Talk of ‘British values’ is cheap nationalist populism,” he said. “What we should be doing is trying to foster universal values. At the moment, it seems to us, no cause is more important than defeating ISIS and establishing Rojava as a beacon of women’s rights and other progressive values in the Middle East.”

But once ISIS is defeated, what then for the fledgling scheme?

“That’s the beauty of the whole scheme, its simplicity. At a moment’s notice we can have thousands of armed pen-pushers liberate Guantanamo Bay or back up the FARC in Colombia.

“They could even play the role of a praetorian guard for the coming revolutionary regime in the People’s Republic of Scotland. We’re only limited by our imaginations from here on in.”

Paid Advertisement: ROL Kwanzaa Benefit Album

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BOSTON – It’s the hottest-selling anti-revisionist gift item of the season: The ROL’s Kwanzaa benefit album “Umoja na Kujichagulia” is practically flying off the shelves. Indeed, scarcely a music store in the country can be found that still stocks it.

From the very first track, the album pulls no punches: a trip-hop soundtrack underlies a speech presumed to be delivered by Ray Light, mostly about unity of struggle between the Appalachian and Afro-American peoples.

While some critics have criticised the album’s musical quality and mish-mash of musical styles (from gospel to disco to hardcore punk), those critics are mostly national chauvinists and Trotskyites, and they’re probably into Kanye West or some shit.

The album closes with a stirring choral rendition of “Lift Every Voice”, the national anthem from the US which local Worker’s Spatula’s affiliates actually stand up for.

All proceeds from the album go to the National Black United Fund, to which you too should donate, in all seriousness.

First Annual “Stalin Did Nothing Wrong” Conference Organised

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ATHENS – In honour of the birthday of Comrade Stalin, the KKE has taken the initiative to organise a massive conference in Athens in honour of the completely error-free life of the nicest human being ever to be born: Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin.

The “Stalin Did Nothing Wrong” Conference will be held every year going forward, with possible candidate cities for next year’s conference including Volgograd (in Russia), and Gori (in Georgia).

Despite its decidely un-Soviet nostalgic location (the inevitable result of the material conditions under which the conference was planned), turnout was tremendous. Delegates arrived from countries as varied as India, Chile, Turkey, Togo, and the UK to offer presentations on the overwhelming rightness of Stalin in word and deed.

A panel was organised specifically for the UK defenders of Comrade Stalin, including the CPGB-ML, NCP, and the RCPB-ML. The NCP representative presented on “Frida Kahlo as Stalinist, de Rivera as Trotskyite”, the RCPB-ML presented on “Youth Culture: can Stalin be incorporated into it?”, and the CPGB-ML presented on “Please ignore the first two presentations at this panel, we are the only British people who defend Comrade Stalin”.

George Galloway was not invited to present, but had his own table outside the conference where he stopped women comrades entering the building to ask them if they thought he was more handsome than Stalin.

A representative of the Turkish party TKİP repeated its call, consistent in all international gatherings in which they are present, for all genuine Marxist-Leninists across the world to grow glorious Stalin-style moustaches. During the question-and-answer session for this panel, a Worker’s Spatula representative condemned the “butch dominance” of “formalistic Stalinism”, demanding a “femme equivalent to the Stalin moustache” be found. The TKİP responded that the Spatula correspondent was a “Foucaultite wrecker and clear agent of the MLKP”.

Despite tremendous disagreement on the most basic questions of history and current practice, a toast was held at the end of the evening to “unity in struggle, and struggle in unity”, at which point a giant mpaklavas, dyed so as to resemble a painting of Comrade Stalin, was wheeled out to cheers and the traditional birthday song of Georgia’s most famous native son:

Pauline Hanson after the Zoroastrians Now

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MELBOURNE – Following widely publicised failure to win over Melbourne’s generally liberal Jewish community to her fascistic rhetoric, Pauline Hanson and her unpretentiously named Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party are seeking out other non-Christian groups to jump on her bandwagon of anti-Muslim hatemongering.

“I thought for sure the Jews hated the Muslims even more than I do, but they’re not biting,” explained Hanson. “Good for nothing, frankly. We may have to deport them as well.”

“Anyway, I found a minority group that literally fled Sharia law to come here: the Iranians.

“I know, I know, that would sound like they’re Muslim refugees, which isn’t exactly our thing. But get this: There are non-Muslims in Iran. We’re going after the Zoroastrians.”

Hanson took our correspondent with her on her next campaign stop, a prayer meeting of Zoroastrians in a small house in Caulfield. We were escorted inside by a young man who explained to us that the fire ritual before us was a blessing for the home.

“Look at the fire, yeah? Just like a barbie. They’re real Australians, not like the Muzlims and Abos.”

“Muslims don’t like barbies?” enquired our correspondent.

“Nah, they hate ’em. Mostly curry and dim sum, that’s what they like,” explained Hanson absently, transfixed on the flickering flames before her.

Our correspondent, unsatisfied with Hanson’s criteria for accepting the Zoroastrians into Australia’s warm embrace, pressed on: “But aren’t they covering their faces? Isn’t that what you call…”

“It’s not a burqa!” snapped Hanson, suddenly turning her full attention back to our correspondent, who found herself backed up against the wall by a livid Hanson: “They’re not covering women’s faces, but men’s! In fact, I reckon they’re just doing it to upset the Muzlims.”

“I’m not sure that’s how this, or the world, works…” responded our correspondent, sceptically.

“Look,” said Hanson, pulling our correspondent by the arm into a side room, “I’ve had it up to here with all of you reporters, with your facts. Don’t you think I don’t know they’re all wogs? But so what, the country’s already mostly Asian, because you didn’t listen to me last time. The least I can do is get some of these Asians on my side before there’s a headscarf on you, young lady.”

Convinced by Hanson’s passionate convictions and consistent talking points, our correspondent sent a communique back to headquarters urging the editorial staff to endorse Pauline Hanson as the choice for Zoroastrians and all other non-Muslim Asian minorities in Australia afraid of wearing the headscarf.

The Central Committee responded with an e-mail containing only a link to this video:

At time of press, Hanson was on television addressing a hall full of non-Muslim Iranians: “My dear Zoroastrians,” she began.

A hand went up from the back of the hall: “Bahá’i.”

“Bye-bye to you, I’m just getting started…”