YOUR FLAT – Months of research have finally confirmed your suspicion that Worker’s Spatula, the most popular source of anti-revisionist snark on the internet, is run by none other than your flatmate.
Your flatmate, who is always seen with a döner wrap in one hand and a Persian-language history of the Kurdish national movement in the other, is supposed to be doing a Master’s in Economics or some such, but actually spends more time smoking in your shared kitchen, mumbling about Turkish politics, a pastime which has been confirmed to be part of the Spatular lifestyle.
Attempts at broaching the subject of Worker’s Spatula with your flatmate have up to this point been fruitless, with the latter constantly brushing off the Spatula by referring to it as “that juvenile bullshit you keep sharing on your Facebook page”. These words, however, were in stark contrast to your flatmate’s deeds, including meeting up at odd hours with local breamfishers, calling Sarajevo, Ankara, and Liechtenstein.
The conclusive proof came today when you found your flatmate’s unlocked smartphone sitting on the table, with a group WhatsApp chat entitled “Dialectics Firing Squad” open to a vote on what the Spatula Reading Group reading for the second half of April would be, with your flatmate, referred to by others as the “editor-in-chief”, casting the decisive vote in favour of more Hegel.
When confronted, your flatmate responded that he was done with the Spatula now, as it wasn’t funny anymore, and was thinking of shutting the site down. Asked if this wouldn’t be a shame, given the Spatula’s broad following, your flatmate responded by saying “When websites are shut down there should be parties to celebrate the victory of dialectics, to celebrate the destruction of the old.”