ISLINGTON – Announcing what is already promising to be his most popular policy yet, Jeremy Corbyn says he plans to travel around in a “For the Many, Not the Few” bus and run over reactionary scum.
“The BBC cameraman’s foot was just the beginning. You won’t believe all the bastards I’m going to run over once I really get going,” the leader of the British Party of Labour explained, quite Hoxhaistly, to the assembled crowd of reporters.
“This is empty populism,” explained local Real Revolutionary™ and member of the RCG Sean Davies, “Corbyn’s just exploiting popular support for the reasonable policy of running down various imperialist warmongers and capitalist exploiters in a big red bus so that he can keep using the British state’s funds to maintain his Islington bunker.
“You can’t run down imperialists in an imperialist bus. It simply won’t work. It’s against the laws of dialectics.”
Critics within the Labour Party are concerned with the prospects for future electability presented by an election platform based upon the destruction of the bodies of various reactionaries under the tyres of a massive red bus, concerns Corbyn has refuted as “irrelevant” on the grounds that “This hasn’t got anything to do with the election in the first place, it is simply a principled stance.
“I intend to run over reactionaries no matter the result of this or any future election, because I believe in a Labour Party built upon principles of vehicular homicide for the enemies of ordinary working people.”
Jeremy Corbyn was last seen leaning out the window of the “For the Many, Not the Few” bus, feeling the wind and sea on his face as he drove across the English Channel, screaming “You’re next, Erdoğan, you ayran-drinking bastard!”