LONDON – Following a frustratingly long process of undoing the damage of decades of New Labour, by which the Party of Labour abandoned not only its fierce, Albanian-inspired, anti-revisionist line in favour of abandonment even of the pet causes of the English labour aristocracy, the left wing of the Labour Party have taken to harassing Tory Prime Minister Theresa May at her home in Sonning.
“We know you’re in there Theresa!” shouted Diane Abbott towards a curtained window. “Your austerity is bad and you should feel bad!”
“I stand by all those things I said in the House of Commons!” agreed Jeremy Corbyn, to cheers from local students.
Street harassment of the Prime Minister is at an all-time high as Momentum’s momentum is at an all-time low. Twitter harassment of Tory accounts has remained more or less stable, witnessing only a slight spike after it was revealed that Tory youth group “Activate” have been WhatsApp chatting about whether Churchill was too hard on the Nazis when the Soviet threat loomed much greater.
“We never should’ve taken power,” moaned a visibly drunk Alexis Tsipras. “Labour can’t get a thing done either, but because they don’t get control of government, you forgive them for very similar failings to ours. Admit it, you’re still going to tell people to vote for them, aren’t you?”
Our local Athens correspondent confirmed that, yeah, probably, English people should still vote Labour, come the elections or whatever, what else are you going to do, launch urban guerrilla warfare?
“John McDonnell already tried that, anyway.”
John McDonnell and Diane Abbott were arrested last night, when their latest harassment of the Prime Minister went too far. Abbott drove herself and McDonnell to Sonning, where they blasted Ken Loach’s 2016 socialist realist film “I, Daniel Blake” over the car’s stereo system with the bass turned all the way up.
“Do you hear that, Prime Minister? This is the part where Katie eats directly out of the tin of beans at the food bank! It’s very sad and reflects the struggle of the poor under your austerity regime!” shouted Diane Abbott, shortly before the police drove up to take her and the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer into custody.
As of this morning, TKP chair (and generally nice guy among revisionists), Erkan Baş, had touched down in London to protest this suppression of the Party of Labour by the British state.
At time of press, Erkan Baş’s face–complete with that glorious, solidarity-worthy moustache–was being slammed into the pavement by the police.
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