Subtitle of Grover Furr’s New Book Just Opening Statement for Speaking Appearances

Furr

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY – Reasonable man and friend of the Spatula Grover Furr is to release a new book entitled “Falsification of the Famine”, whose subtitle is obviously just the opening statement he will be making at all speaking apperances to which he is invited:

FALSIFICATION OF THE FAMINE: Anti-Soviet propaganda has become increasinly normalised since the fall of the Soviet Union after years of decline following the rise to power of the Khrushchev clique, and one can now find baseless slander with no basis in the historical record bandied about as if it were reputable information. Today, the idea that the Stalin-era Communist Party of the Soviet Union organised a genocide called the “Holodomor” is not only an acceptable avenue for historical inquiry and research, but an unassailable dogma. This is despite the known fact that these absurd claims were invented by the fascist Nazi regime. But tonight I intend to show not only that there was no such massacre of innocents, but that indeed the Communist Party of the Soviet Union heroically saved the lives of many Ukrainians from what would have been certain starvation prior to the establishment of the Soviet Union!
by Grover Furr

Sources close to Furr report that the book was the result of a fevered night of writing fueled by tobacco smoked out of a pipe and vengeful rage directed at “the Trotskyites” who wrote hatemail to the Montclair professor in response to his CounterPunch article on the subject of the so-called Holodomor published earlier this month.

The book is expected to be a niche hit in India and spur significant discussion among progressives in various Western European countries, but the English-speaking imperialist countries will likely ignore it as successfully as they ignore everything communists in those countries do.

In unrelated news, every ten seconds, a child dies from hunger in a world without actually existing socialism, a capitalist world in which the profit motive ensures a constant artificial scarcity, including of life essentials like food and medicine.

HDK Parties Courting Fired Academic

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ANKARA – Fırat Önder, a left-wing academic recently fired unceremoniously from his position at Ankara University for his opposition to the Turkish state’s war on the Kurdish people, has been without any faint hope of another job since his passport was cancelled by AKP edict. However, he has not wanted for friends in these trying times.

This morning, TÖPG cadres reportedly showed up at the former History professor’s apartment door with a bouquet of flowers to ask him if he wanted to consider going out for a date sometime: “Any day you’re free, we can go to the park and distribute propaganda, or we can talk about dialectics. Whatever you want, abi,” said the young man clutching the yellow roses close to his equally yellow TÖPG vest.

Önder’s newfound popularity is not limited to TÖPG, the only element of the Turkish left whose cadre read as much Hegel as the Germans. Nearly every HDK party or group has come to him, hoping to win him over to their line. We sat down with Önder in his apartment in Çankaya to discuss his situation.

“It started with the letters of support from my students,” explained Önder to our correspondent over tea in his apartment, as SYKP cadre outside his window knocked on it, waving around pamphlets. “A Kurdish student who lost her little brother in the attack on Sûr told me that I was in her prayers. It breaks my heart to think about that.”

“I guess my students really liked me, because before long, they started getting involved in the campaigns for academics who have been fired. One of them joined Partizan and kept ‘bumping into me’ in the street. Now it’s like I’m in some Turkish film from the ’70s, where instead of being courted by men representing different social classes, I’m being courted by a bunch of 20-year-old revolutionaries who started reading Marx because of me.”

Attempts at courtship have varied in their scrupulousness: “Halkevleri approached me the other night at a bar. It was a man about my age and three much younger women who seemed to be offering as some sort of socialist concubines. I told them to fuck off, and they asked me, ‘what are you gay or something?’.

“Then there was DSİP. They said they would ring Callinicos for money for myself and other fired academics if I would help them attack EMEP and ESP.”

When asked if he thought he was going to get organised in the end, Önder nodded eagerly and said “Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m going to start working with Devrimci Parti, but they need to get me a few pairs of their trainers to sweeten the deal. I’m not going to give myself away so quickly and look cheap.”

 

News in Brief: March 11th 2017

NormieBrother

MANILA -Reports indicate that [REDACTED], a Worker’s Spatula correspondent formerly based in Malaysia and now based in the Philippines, is hosting his fucking normie brother, who is in town on a business trip.

At press time, the former’s ideology was almost revealed when the latter burst into his room unannounced. Although the CPP propaganda was quickly thrown under the bed, our comrade’s normie brother still requested to see it.

An initial attempt to quell interest failed when being told it was “just my porn” only piqued the normie brother’s interest. Our comrade then calculated that choosing this moment to come out of the closet would result in less family strife than the revelation of his communistic views, and the subject was quickly changed.

OMAHA, NEBRASKA – Caleb Maupin is reportedly touring county fairs in Nebraska and Iowa, attempting to convince the local white population that imitating China today is the path to social harmony and progress for the United States.

While he has been largely unsuccessful at converting others to his particular brand of “socialism”, the mission has not been without incident: a 23-year-old man driving an SUV responded to Maupin’s request to “learn about Deng Xiaoping” by saying “I don’t really like Chinese food”. Maupin later barely escaped a beating by a Trump supporter by informing the latter of his close ties with the Donald.

STEMBOL – As PKK leader Abdullah Öcalan’s isolation continues, sources in touch with his lawyer have become increasingly concerned that he may have been replaced by an “Ölacan” figure.

“I mean, my god, I have spoken to my good friend Abdullah Öcalan quite recently *sniff*,” explained Öcalan’s lawyer. “And, this is to say, as we used to say in Yugoslavia, you know, the thing is, he is writing a new book.”

The reported title of the book, apparently about the Imagined, the Symbolic, and the Real of Kurdistan, is “the Mirror Stage: Libidinal Dynamics of Anatolian Resistance”. Öcalan’s lawyer also shared with us the following “very dirty joke, but also, it is completely true and serious”: The cover of the book will be the famous painting from the İmralı cell, of a labia shaped approximately like the map of Kurdistan.

BRIGHTON, ENGLAND – Local teenage Marxist Frank Hobbes has elected to join the SPGB, making him the first young person to join the party in decades.

“I just wanted to be part of a party that understood that everything literally and immediately reduces to class, in the first and final instance, and no other discussion of theory or practice is helpful, or even interesting.”

Tragically, his best internet friend, Mark Anson, another teenage Marxist from Florida, is unable to find a local equivalent organisation in which to act out the part of the caricature of Marxism that anti-Marxist liberals believe the rest of us actually are.

Humourless Marxist Reviews: Kedi

kedi

My name is Ceyda Torun, the director of the Turkish documentary film about cats, “Kedi”. Had I known that producing this film would result in my imprisonment, I very likely would not have made it. But what’s done is done, and now I have to live with the consequences.

I continue to encourage everyone to see my film, proceeds from which will go to my legal fund. In the meantime, I am writing this review of my own film in the hope that it may aid in my defence.

The claim which the AKP regime has made is that my cat documentary is “propaganda for a terrorist organisation”. While this claim might appear bizarre, this is actually quite difficult to refute in the Turkish context, as a clear precedent has been set that everything good and hopeful and joyful in Turkey is in fact “propaganda for a terrorist organisation”, and accordingly punishable by imprisonment.

Therefore, I have no recourse but to resort to post-structuralism.

Erdoğan would concede that terrorist propaganda does not become such through the act of writing, but through the act of reading. It is by the intervention of the reader (the reader in question of course being Erdoğan) that terrorist propaganda emerges as such. But what Erdoğan doesn’t realise is that this understanding of textuality is derived from the writings of famous Frenchman and non-Muslim Jacques Derrida.

The French, for their part, have long been aware of Erdoğan’s post-structuralism. The fact that Erdoğan is ignorant of his own post-structuralism might appear at first glance to be a major obstacle to using post-structuralism to free myself from prison. But this would be an ignorant structuralist error: In the false binary between scholars of French philosophy and non-scholars of French philosophy, we must privilege the non-scholars before we can arrive at the truth beyond this oppressive binary, the truth being something vaguely Fichtean.

I can understand why Erdoğan would see in my film many signifiers which indicate HDP-like values that are of course terroristic to articulate. The film contains women talking about their alienation in patriarchal society, workers being humanised and allowed to speak, and most horrifyingly of all, the implication that massive construction projects are not necessarily improving İstanbul.

I can certainly see why the authorities would view any film which depicts the social life and values of İstanbul society as being predicated upon concern for the well-being of others instead of the profit motive as dangerous communistic propaganda, an obvious recruitment ploy by the HDP and their various subversive affiliates.

If I were in Erdoğan’s shoes, I would certainly ban this film, arrest its director, and probably kill several dozen cats just for good measure.

But meanings shift, and signifiers are ultimately meaningless. While it is a well known fact that cats are a symbol of Devrimci Karargâh (who recently united with DKP), they are also a symbol of the famous dancer Adnan Oktar. The same signifier can signify multiple, contradictory things. And while clearly it is up to the viewer, and more specifically Erdoğan, to determine the meaning of my film in the context of the layers of meaning that led up to my film, it is also the case that if Erdoğan rewatches my film, he will be able to overcome the subversive elements which he thought were so essential on first viewing. In a new context, my film may be about something entirely different.

Consider the theological motif in the film. What could be more wholesome than ordinary İstanbullular discussing the piety of cats, a species known to have been beloved by the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)? We even had a fisherman who used the word “kâfir”! Viewed in a particular context, my film could practically be an advertisement for the Türk-İslam sentezi for YouTube cat video-addicted gâvurlar!

While I understand the offence caused by having a film in which women wear dreadlocks or laugh in public must have been great for our president, I hope that he of all people understands that interpretation of my film, like anything else, is continuously deferred, and that perhaps now might be an appropriate time to focus on its more theological themes and let me out of jail?

Our president is the most committed to différance of any in the world. Praised for his piety and constantly to be heard referencing God, he does so with the full knowledge that even this supposed transcendental signifier is in a constant state of flux, and may be interpreted however the AKP needs it to be. I too am willing to opportunistically use religion for my own personal ends, in this case, being allowed out of the prison that I, like thousands of others in Turkey today, was so hastily thrown into.

In conclusion, I wish to assure readers, particularly the judge who holds my fate in their hands, that my film “Kedi” is not communist propaganda.

I mean, come on, nobody even speaks Kurdish in it.

Ex-Soviets Resist “Queue Culture”

"•ëåáíàß " î÷åðåäü ⠗èòå, 1991 ãîä

TORONTO – As the post-Soviet economies continue to produce high unemployment, forcing many ex-Soviet citizens into the diaspora, cultures increasingly clash in major imperialist countries with a relatively high intake of immigrants, such as the United States and Canada.

“These fucking Russians and Uzbeks and whatever else they are, they don’t know how to line up!” exclaimed Karen Nestor, local student and Pierre Trudeau fan, while being jostled out of place repeatedly by old headscarved women, several of whom were multilingual, but not in any languages they speak in Canada. “This is what communism does to people, I guess, no civilisation!”

“Actually,” interjected Zəhra Kazımova, an Anthropology student at the local University of Toronto, “Lineups were a common activity forced upon my parents’ generation by the Soviet regime. Here in Canada, they are simply expressing the freedom that capitalism brings to not have to line up for goods and services.

“I’m not surprised privileged people like you would no idea about how far you have been indoctrinated by racist Cultural Marxism to believe that everyone has to line up behind you according to your standards of civilisation. It’s exactly your thinking that made the Soviet Union so oppressive to my people!”

“Wow,” exclaimed Nestor, shocked at her own un-unpacked privilege. “I had never thought about it that way!”

Our local correspondent spoke to Gurmat Singh, a local immigration lawyer, to learn more about the problems of queue culture:

“You have no idea the horror stories we hear from people who grew up under communism. Some of them had to wait in line for bread, and then wait in another line for various other goods, and then ride in a vehicle packed with other people on their way back to a small apartment. It was hell. I tell them: This is Canada. This is a free country. You don’t have to experience any of that ever again.

“But some of us who grew up here in Canada, they just can’t understand how important these freedoms are. We don’t appreciate the freedom from a crushing, alienating life of poverty that is the birthright of every Canadian.”

Despite the educational efforts of experts like Singh and community insiders like Kazımova, many people who grew up with English Canadian national culture still insist on imposing Cultural Marxist ideas on these people who have already enough suffered from Marxism and its unnatural ideas of equality.

“If they don’t want to wait with everyone else, they should pay extra for a delivery service! That’s what makes the system function so well: You pay the appropriate amount for the thing you really want. These queue-jumpers are trying to game the system!” explained Economics major, wannabe Austrian, and apparent “Cultural Marxist” Frederick Murray.

“What we need to do is introduce a more free market system into their countries, so if they immigrate here, they’re already familiar with what life is like in a developed capitalist country,” concluded Murray, clearly applying Marx’s Eurocentric standards of “development” to countries like Russia which have been denied the free market blessings the average Canadian enjoys so well.

However, not all ex-Soviet immigrants share the queue-jumping perspective of Kazımova’s elders. Some are resisting communism in their own way:

“YOU COMMUNIST WHORE!” screamed local “patriotic anti-communist” Yegor Nazarenko as he kicked an old Ukrainian man in the shins as he attempted to jump the queue, sending the latter’s plastic container full of roast chicken on a collision course with the dirty floor of the supermarket.

“How dare you jump a civilised, democratic queue as if it were one of those Judeo-Bolshevik queues back home!” he scolded the old man, grinding the roast chicken into the floor with his combat boot as the old man stared up at him, tears in his eyes.

Nazarenko then joined the queue himself, where he purchased a six-pack of “pyvo”, paid for by Canada Benefits.

Humourless Marxist Reviews: La La Land

lalaland

La La Land is a film about two bourgeois artists seeking apolitical success in the landscape of the post-2008 global financial crisis Los Angeles, and their oppressor nation heterosexual romance, and also there is some song and dance.

You would think Worker’s Spatula, a brutally honest Marxist-Leninist news source which starts every conversation about US politics with a statement about the centrality of national liberation movements against such parasitic class and national elements, would have no time for such flights of bourgeois fancy. You would think we wouldn’t like this film.

But you would be motherfucking wrong, comrade. Because Ryan Gosling is a Grade A dialectician, and has only acted in films which are in some sense designed to teach the masses about dialectics, ever since our people got the script for Half Nelson to his agent all those years ago.

Gosling, a real Hegelian, realer than that fraud Žižek for sure, only accepted this script because his character got to talk about jazz in a way that is but a transparent veneer for his real intended message, that things are always in motion, always changing, guided by internal processes which we characterise as “contradictions”. Gosling, a proper Marxist, only accepted the script because his character’s attack on the “samba-tapas” restaurant was clearly intended to explain the inevitability of the commodification of all things under capitalism.

Gosling, a philosopher king, would never act in a film, bourgeois or otherwise, that didn’t include such a magnificently dialectical conclusion as the final scene of La La Land, which we encourage you all to pirate and watch with your Hegel reading groups.

Apart from the unavoidable critique of its lack of overt themes of national liberation and class struggle in the largest city in Aztlán, and of course its lack of a groundbreaking approach to gender politics onscreen, our only substantial criticism of this film, extremely entertaining and dialectical for a Hollywood production, is that we did not even for one moment get to glimpse Ryan Gosling’s bumhole.

This particular factor was not only disappointing because the audience wants to see Ryan Gosling’s bumhole. It was disappointing because the audience needs to see Ryan Gosling’s bumhole. This unfulfilled longing haunts the viewer from the moment Gosling’s face is first shown onscreen until the credits are rolled.

Gosling’s bumhole could have been worked into the film any number of ways. It could’ve been snuck in during the credits, like the penis at the end of Fight Club, for which our team of reviewers waited anxiously after everyone else had left the cinema. It could’ve been worked in during Gosling’s predictable onscreen relationship with Emma Stone, with the latter prying it open with her fingers.

More daringly, perhaps Gosling’s bumhole could’ve been featured in an act of homosexual penetration. Or even more daringly, perhaps we could’ve simply been treated to a shot of Gosling defecating with a camera in the toilet, as his bumhole opened up to let out his excrement.

None of these options were apparently seriously considered by the studio, or if they were, they were foolishly prevented from finding their way into the final cut. More than the whitewashing of gender, national, or class relations in Los Angeles, this choice speaks to the disgusting lack of bravery on the part of director Damien Chazelle. Shame on you, Damien Chazelle. Shame on you.

Perhaps even this glaring oversight could be ignored if there had been a shot of Gosling’s urethra, or perhaps simply some close-up shots of his skin pores opening and closing, but alas, even this is too much to ask from the bourgeois hacks who waste Gosling’s amazing talents in the hollow pursuit of profits.

I hate Damien Chazelle and everything he stands for. I hope he gets hit by a bus. No matter how much I and the rest of the team enjoyed La La Land, nothing can fill in the hole left by the absence of Gosling’s hole in that film. Even a written apology clearly stained with Chazelle’s tears and with several photographs or even video footage of Gosling’s anus attached cannot make up for this slight, nay, this affront against art.

Go fuck yourself, Damien Chazelle.

Good film otherwise though.

Rive Gauche Impressions: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan Latest En Vogue Postmodernist Philosopher

erdog%cc%86an

PARIS – Worker’s Spatula spoke with some hip students and intellectuals in Rive Gauche cafés about the recent events in Turkey, including several bomb attacks and the assassination of the Russian ambassador, which followed over a year of extraordinary events that have by now become ordinary including, yet again, several bombing attacks, war in Kurdistan, a coup attempt, martial law, and so on and so on.

*sniffs*

Among the jeunesse d’or of France there is a widespread admiration for the Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, particularly in poststructuralist and deconstructionist circles. François, philosophy student at Paris VIII told us: «Ever since the death of Derrida we have been thinking about how to develop his theory. I mean, what does it mean to develop a theory? Is there progress? Is there progress in theory? What about practice? I am very impressed by Erdoğan, he is a legitimate successor to Derrida. Even Derrida has only rejected the notion of the possibility of stability. He deciphered stability as an illusion on a conceptual level. But Erdoğan has deconstructed the notion of stability in practice, by proclaiming the unstable situation in Turkey as the manifestation of his stabilising effect. A deconstructive genius, using the material to tear apart the abstraction.»

Sophie appears to be a student somehwere, although she preferred to play coy when asked her precise academic affiliations, replying that she was «a student of life». She largely agreed with François’s assessment: «We always used to say that reality does not exist and everything is language and so on… but, let’s be honest, we say that because it is the cool thing to say. But with him, with my dear Recep, he actually lives the idea that reality does not exist. We could say, following Judith Butler, that there is a performativity involved, a performative negation of the notion of reality and illusion, dissolved into an infinite series of differences in his speeches. C’est fantastique!»

Mourad, a sociology student and a close observer of the Middle East, expressed his fascination with the fluidity not only of political discourse in Turkey, but of the ideology of the ruling party itself: «Also,» he added, «if their constant attacks on the intelligentsia aren’t postmodernist, they’re at least Maoist, so either way, a refreshing new approach to politics in the region.»

Local KCK enthusiast and weirdo Joseph pointed out to us that Abdullah Öcalan was the first one to assess Erdoğan’s thought in this fashion, and the former only fails to be recognised for his theoretical contributions due to the anti-Kurdish sentiments prevalent among the Rive Gauche élite.

«They’re all ironic Kemalists as well, you see.»

Krugman Suing Hell over Trump Victory

krugman

HELL – Mephistopheles is in hot water today after Paul Krugman formally opened a court case against him and Satan, better known as the Devil™, over the non-election of Hillary Clinton.

Krugman claims that, following the sale of his immortal soul to the nether-beings as part of a signed contract, obligations on the part of the latter went unfulfilled. Krugman is also claiming that the reneged-upon contract cost him not only said soul, but additionally resulted in the loss of his dignity and likelihood of being taken seriously in academic circles ever again.

A spokesperson for the Devil™, one Paul Ryan, denied breach of contract: “The small print explicitly stated that our party would ensure that Hillary Clinton would win the election by at least two million votes, and we delivered on that promise.

“We see Mr. Krugman’s objections as nitpicking and thoroughly reject the idea that he was in any sense deceived.”

Meanwhile, the Nobel Prize-winning economist continued fulfilling his side of the bargain, trashing his own reputation by endorsing conspiracy theories about Russia and whining endlessly on an unpopular website for losers known as “Twitter dot com”.

Humourless Marxist Reviews: Bee Movie

bee

The astute reader might note that Bee Movie, a Dreamworks film in which bourgeois stooge Jerry Seinfeld (no relation) stars as a talking bee, was released a decade ago and that, typically, film criticism focuses on films released more recently than a decade ago. This reader would be correct in these suppositions, but wrong in their implicit conclusion, namely, that we should refrain from reviewing this film simply because it was released a decade ago.

In case you have not noticed, o astute reader, Bee Movie has become something of a “meme” as of late, meaning that this film has garnered a great deal of attention among the masses. As Marxist-Leninists, then, it is our duty to address this film and to interpret it in appropriately rigorous fashion.

What’s that, o astute reader? You have further objections? You note that Bee Movie has already received sufficient academic attention from bourgeois scholars such as the late Jack Halberstam? That in his book, the Queer Art of Failure, Halberstam interprets Bee Movie as a transgressive children’s film, but under a toothless postmodern rubric? All the more reason for us to intervene with the correct analysis! Halberstam’s analysis of Bee Movie may be prominent, but we would be remiss to abandon the working class to it, with all its glaring insufficiencies. Halberstam even identifies Bee Movie, quite incorrectly, as a Pixar film! This should not surprise us; were Halberstam able to attend to concrete matters in their specificity, he would not be a postmodernist.

In any event, Bee Movie is invaluable as a tool for understanding the inevitable failure of “progressive” liberal responses to exploitation. The film’s main character, Barry Benson, discovers with horror that millions of bees worldwide are crowded into bee farms, worked to exhaustion, only to have their honey expropriated at the end of the dreadful process. This is a clear analogy to the expropriation of surplus-value from productive labourers by the bourgeoisie. So clear, in fact, that I found it a bit on-the-nose. Such clumsy analogising would not feel out of place in the Trotskyite, imperialist spy and propagandist George Orwell’s book about pigs being more equal than sheep or whatever.

(I don’t recall the title – I’ve never read it.)

What happens next is of far more interest. For what does Benson do when he becomes conscious of his fellow bee-letarians’ exploitation? Does he form a party and organise for a bee revolution? No, dear reader, he does not. He instead brings a lawsuit against the beekeepers in a doomed attempt to resolve the contradiction through recourse to bourgeois “justice”.

After eking out a legal victory, Benson returns honey to the bees, but we can easily infer that much of the honey is promptly appropriated by a small caste of bourgeois bees (or bee-geoisie), among whose ranks Benson may count himself. This leads to maldistribution of resources and mass unemployment, which in turn spurs a massive environmental crisis. Sound familiar?

The lesson of Bee Movie, properly interpreted, is thus a Leninist one: the corridors of the bourgeois state offer no route to true emancipation: “The working class cannot simply lay hold of the ready-made state machinery and wield it for its own purposes.” For this reason, we may understand Bee Movie as a progressive bourgeois film, one which may be repurposed as revolutionary propaganda in Marxist reading groups across the globe.

Patrick Warburton is also pretty funny in it.

Trump and Žižek: “Necessity isn’t Necessary”

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WASHINGTON D.C. – Following his monumental victory over the forces of Clintonite fascism, Donald Trump agreed to take part in a live discussion segment on Fox News earlier today with fellow philosopher, accelerationist, and known Slovene Slavoj Žižek. The topic, chosen by Trump, was “What does Hegel mean for politics today?”

Žižek began the discussion thus: “I think one of the most important moments in Hegel is where he identifies the importance of the French Revolution not in its mere overturning of the old order, but how its participants actually took active part in radical attacks on the very institutions they themselves erected in the pursuit of the ideals those institutions represented.”

“Philosophy of Right, a personal favourite,” interjected a nodding and dignified-looking Trump. “The best.”

“How do you think this conception of revolutionary change will apply to your presidency?” Žižek asked the president-elect, previously best known for his halal steak business, Trump Steaks.

“Slavoj, let me tell you, it’s gonna be huge. We’re going to negate all the negations. We’re going to sublate so much you’re going to get tired of all the sublation. We’re going to American manufacture multiple levels of contradiction and sell them to the Chinese.”

At this point in the discussion, Hannibal Buress appeared behind Trump and began clapping alone for several seconds.

“Make America dialectical again. We’re going to put America back to work more and more until the quantity transforms into quality and then right the fuck back into quantity. Big time.”

“Do you suppose that your victory signifies a success in appropriating fascism, but for the left?” asked Žižek, apparently in earnest.

“Slavoj, my good friend, and, hold on, I gotta say this, I really love this guy. Of all the Slovenes who have ever handled my genitals, he is easily in the top ten. Easily. He handles genitals big league. But to answer your question, if I were to say what my campaign was about, it wasn’t about freedom. That’s not the thing in itself. Because freedom isn’t free, but neither is necessity. Additionally, neither are, strictly speaking, necessary. And that’s the sort of America I want to live in.”

“That was an Engels joke, you see what we did there, right?” asked Žižek, breaking the fourth wall for the benefit of any CPGB-ML readers who may have stumbled across our liberal, bourgeois, Scottish nationalist page.

The last four minutes of the interview were dominated by both participants sniffing continuously and tugging at their own clothes, just looking very uncomfortable.