New “Communist Rap Song” Just the Phrase “Fuck Capitalism” Repeated 452 Times

Soundcloud

Leftbook and Left Twitter alike are abuzz with some stunning new SoundCloud content out of Gainesville, Florida. Rapper “Lil’ Che”, a high school student from the northern Florida town and self-described “Maoist insurgent”, has released his new track “Fuc* KKKapitalizm (the teardown)” to critical acclaim from the Facebook and Twitter commentators who constitute the closest thing he faces to actual criticism, in an artistic or organisational sense.

“This shit WHIP,” explained one of the many like-minded commentators. “I fuckin bump this at the police”.

“12 people are capitalists,” added a YouTube commentator, presumably commenting at a time when only 12 people, as opposed to the current 3079, had “disliked” the video upload which contains the track in question.

The track, which opens with the expected post-trap music beat which sounds fantastic if you have a rig with big woofers and like absolute garbage out of your laptop speakers, consists almost entirely of Lil’ Che muttering, shouting, and apparently asking if, and we quote: “fuck capitalism”. The phrase, which forms an even greater percentage of the lyrics than it does of the title, has been summarised by fans as “pulling no punches” and “in your face”.

“FUCK CAPITALISM! FUCK capitalism, fuck CAPITALISM… fuck capitalism?” exclaims and then subsequently enquires the rapper as the beat builds towards a never-quite-arriving never-quite-hook.

“FUCK CAPITALISM fuck CAPITALISM FUCK CAPITALISM FUCK CAPITALISM fuck capitalism? FUCK CAPITALISM fuck capitalism fuck capitalism FUCK CAPITALISM fuck capitalism fuck capitalism FUCK CAPITALISM FUCK CAPITALISM FUCK CAPITALISM” continues the song, which has been repeatedly described as “a big mood” by alienated proletarian listeners from Maine to Melbourne.

The white southern rapper turned down the Spatula’s offer an interview, replying to our question “Your hit song respells the word ‘capitalism’ to begin with three sequential K’s. How would you say that your work fits within the broader picture of rap as a commodity in the age of the internet, and of so-called ‘race relations’ in the imperialist United States, particularly in the south, whence you hail?” with “lol n**** wtf u jus say?”.

Did you want to read some reviews of formally less-Marxist art with essentially more Marxist content? Then check out our Humourless Marxist Reviews series!

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#SaveEBDSA

OccupyOakland

On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers:

We must begin by responding to the lies and the slander: Firstly, Hasan is not a member of Worker’s Spatula at any level, and is not responsible for anything that we write. Our only connection is an ongoing correspondence between some of our more open affiliates and Hasan which has resulted in our support for Hasan’s righteous campaign for East Bay DSA Steering Committee. We believe in Hasan’s sincerity (perhaps more than Hasan does!) in the struggle against the reformists and scoundrels who currently control the Steering Committee of the East Bay DSA, and we hope that Hasan likewise recognises our comradely intentions.

Likewise and secondly, Worker’s Spatula is not a part of or in any way organically connected to the DSA Communist Caucus, nor is the latter a project of Worker’s Spatula. While we have no problem continuing to engage with the DSA Communist Caucus on the basis of comradely criticism with our shared goal of rebuilding the communist movement in the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa, Worker’s Spatula has never had and will never, barring massive changes to Worker’s Spatula’s concrete position in the world, have organic connections to any particular DSA caucus.

The closest to organic connections to any political organisation as such Worker’s Spatula has ever had is that the entire central committee consists of individuals who are subservient to anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninist organisations.

We continue to appeal to all comrades around the world who, upon familiarising themselves with the Spatular line, feel close to us, to be in touch about real-world political campaigns, but this will not be a relationship in which either side is subservient to the other, and therefore will be one that can end at any time that serious disagreements emerge between the various camps.

ThizzInPeace

The ad hoc committee which has formed to write the draft of this letter which is to be edited by and published through the usual editorial channels are ALL from the San Francisco Bay Area. We shed tears when Mac Dre was shot. We have loitered at Revolution Books in Berkeley. We have blocked traffic in the middle of the intersection, trying to start up a sideshow.

Hyphy.

We are the workers at the Nation’s, the In-N-Out, and the Jack in the Box. We remember Wet Pets San Pablo, and we know a LOT of anarchists. We went to community college and not some UC bullshit. We say “hella” hella much.

Yee.

DSA Bread and Roses is none of these things. Jeremy Gong and Luke Thibault are none of these things. They do not speak for you, and they certainly do not speak for the invisible army of the poor and oppressed that is Worker’s Spatula. They have probably never even sucked a single dude’s dick to an E-40 song. They certainly don’t read ICOR press releases. In short, they can’t relate to you like we can.

There is less than one week until the April 29th DSA East Bay Convention at which the new Steering Committee will be elected. We must offer our self-criticism for the lateness of this statement, as all eyes are truly on us at this historic moment. Because we have the forces to intervene in this particular instance, we are particularly compelled to fulfill this duty, as the vanguard of the vanguard of the vanguard, and we fear that we may have done so all too late.

Nonetheless: we are rising to the occasion now, and no matter what happens with this election, our people hidden in the East Bay DSA and across the East Bay will not abandon our duty to organise and intervene in the Bay Area. We will continue to bring that pure uncut Colombian dialectical materialism to the table, and we will do whatever we can to use this lofty theoretical understanding to defend the practical needs of the poor and oppressed, for their common liberation, which is coming fucking soon, we hope.

For the next few days, however, our objective is clear: to rally all sympathetic forces within the East Bay DSA to take down the Bread and Roses clique whose dictatorial control of the East Bay DSA is now well known, whose wrecker intentions and base sectarianism have been exposed to so many in the DSA, and who are, all things considered, hecka bootsy.

SpatulaCity

All East Bay DSA members who are with us in this correct path forward are encouraged to bring a spatula to the convention as a symbol of the unity in struggle of all toiling fast food workers and all of those fighting against all forms of oppression from Istanbul to El Cerrito.

If you are a revolutionary in the East Bay and reading this and are not a member of the East Bay DSA, now is the time to join. Absolute reformist scum like Frances Reade have been allowed to seize control of this branch which could easily be the means by which revolutionaries could coordinate legal work in one of the more left-leaning parts of the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa. It is due to our collective failure that we have reached this “crossroads” where one of the paths is the path of Democratic Party apparatchiks can sheepdog young people full of hope in an area ripe for change right back into the same hackneyed pseudo-leftism which has characterised white Bay Area culture for decades.

At a time when the principled reformist demand for abolition of the police is being raised, this crypto-fascist neo-Menshevik wrecker clique, led by the cop-lover Jeremy Gong who has been harassing our correspondents in the area through his friends in the Oakland Police Department, are attempting to stand in the way of the heroic Working-Class Unity and Power slate, who, whatever their shortcomings, represent the most advanced mass development of true proletarian consciousness in the Bay Area at present.

We encourage all comrades to read the Priorities Resolution for this slate and compare its concrete grasp of the dialectical relationship between revolutionary and reformist politics to the opportunist phrasemongering espoused by the crypto-Clintonite trash and probable FBI agents in the Bread and Roses slate.

Now, it is possible that some people are reading this and thinking:

Yes, I am a revolutionary in the Bay Area, and yes, I fucking hate Jeremy Gong and all of his Bread and Roses friends who clearly don’t care about justice for Oscar Grant and who, if they even go to mosque regularly, probably go to some bullshit mosque funded by some reactionary CIA-backed regime instead of Masjidul Waritheen, like I do. But isn’t the entire DSA full of awful people like Zach McDonald? Is it even worth joining and intervening? Shouldn’t we just let them have control of the DSA?

Our dear, dear, dear misguided comrades. You are so fucking wrong and so goddamn stupid. Give your self-criticism at once. Allow us to quote Lenin speaking on “reactionary trade unions”, where you will clearly see your error and fall to your knees, tears in your eyes, begging for forgiveness from the Spatula:

We consider that contacts with the “masses” through the trade unions are not enough. In the course of our revolution, practical activities have given rise to such institutions as nonParty workers’ and peasants’ conferences, and we strive by every means to support, develop and extend this institution in order to be able to observe the temper of the masses, come closer to them, meet their requirements, promote the best among them to state posts, etc.

[…]

We cannot but regard as equally ridiculous and childish nonsense the pompous, very learned, and frightfully revolutionary disquisitions of the German Lefts to the effect that Communists cannot and should not work in reactionary trade unions, that it is permissible to turn down such work, that it is necessary to withdraw from the trade unions and create a brand-new and immaculate “Workers’ Union” invented by very pleasant (and, probably, for the most part very youthful) Communists, etc., etc.

[…]

We can (and must) begin to build socialism, not with abstract human material, or with human material specially prepared by us, but with the human material bequeathed to us by capitalism. True, that is no easy matter, but no other approach to this task is serious enough to warrant discussion.

Lenin is watching you from heaven! He wants you to do the right thing! ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING.

Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

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Humourless Marxist Reviews: lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to

lofi
Other than the fact that it’s music which you’re listening to right now, there’s another reason why Worker’s Spatula had to review “lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to”: the PKK are behind this channel.

Oh yes, the PKK. The Workers’ Party of Kurdistan, whose leader and chief theoretician is Abdullah Öcalan. That PKK.

Öcalan determined that the PKK needed to operate a lo-fi chill beats radio channel on YouTube years ago while smoking on some particularly potent ganja and thinking about how the patriarchy is the basis for stratification, exploitation, and oppression in human society. His vision was clear: a channel with some of the chillest beats for the oppressed woman who is struggling to bring down the capitalist man-state to relax to after a mission.

The channel was also designed to serve as a soundtrack for revolutionary women studying or producing theoretical works directed at undermining capitalist modernity, as depicted in the channel’s video pane in the format of an anime. While Worker’s Spatula continue to advocate a boycott of all animes produced in Japan, as the anime factories exploit the labour of Zainichi Koreans, the victims of Japanese imperialism, and profits from all animes fund the joint Japanese-Yankee occupation of Okinawa, we are assured by our Kurdish friends that the heroic young woman in this PKK propaganda channel’s video pane was drawn by guerrillas in Rojava.

Dank.

The beats themselves are very relaxing and good for controlling the anxiety which all of us experience, suffering as we do from the trauma of capitalism-imperialism, the undemocratic civilisation. Many of them have elements of traditional Japanese music over lo-fi beats, despite having been produced in Diyarbekir. Others contain samples of classic jazz and hip-hop, television clips, and the sounds of ululating Kurdish guerrilla women firing Kalashnikovs into the air as they defy the man-state in all its forms.

In addition to the anarchists who already listen to this channel when they’re high on marijuanas (as far as we understand, this is their usual state), we would also recommend this channel to the cadres of the THKP-C/MLSPB, who really need to chill the fuck out.

Best songs: “Sunday Vibes” by wünsche, “I fall in love too easily” by StackOne, “Tola Salan”

Worst song: “Piano Man” by Billy Joel

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[REDACTED]

REDACTED

[REDACTED] – According to [REDACTED], [REDACTED], a long-standing partisan of [REDACTED] active in [REDACTED], [REDACTED]:

“[REDACTED]”, explained [REDACTED], “almost all morning, we had to [REDACTED] to [REDACTED], but we all made it out okay, this time.”

Anonymous sources close to [REDACTED] corroborated this account, adding that [REDACTED]’s success in [REDACTED] had been greatly exaggerated: “Honestly, I would say that [REDACTED] months ago was probably the first time any of us ever saw [REDACTED].”

Back at [REDACTED], the discussion had returned to [REDACTED]:

“[REDACTED] doesn’t exactly mean that [REDACTED] or [REDACTED], but it is entirely possible that [REDACTED],” pointed out [REDACTED].

“We can’t possibly publish that on the page,” responded [REDACTED], “[REDACTED] will have our heads.”

“Do you suppose the anarchists will still say that [REDACTED]?” interjected you-know-who.

“Kind of an ironic inversion of Freud’s conception of [REDACTED],” responded one of the usual suspects.

Having consulted the German newspapers all morning, [REDACTED] was unable to determine if anyone had yet discovered that [REDACTED], or indeed, if anyone outside of Worker’s Spatula actually cared.

“Well, back to work then, comrades,” replied our fearless leader. “There’s bream grilling outside, [REDACTED]’s working on a [REDACTED] for the vegans.”

 

 

Marxist Condemns Anarchists for Not Purchasing Books He Hasn’t Read

CheGoethe

CHICAGO – Self-described “tankie” and Malört connoisseur Alex Schmidt exploded in a debate with his mostly anarchist friend circle today over the perceived theoretical shortcomings of the latter.

“Would you shut the fuck up about ‘dictators’? You don’t understand the way imperialism works! Read the State and Revolution!” screamed Schmidt, referencing a modest volume which sits untouched on his bookshelf since he first purchased it, six months ago.

“They’ve got no theory, they’ve got no theory,” lamented the angry youth whose bookshelf is positively brimming with interesting theoretical discussions spanning the 20th century whose covers he has yet to crack.

Following the heated discussion, Schmidt called up his girlfriend to complain about his problems articulating the ideology he doesn’t understand to his friends. Unbeknownst to Schmidt, his girlfriend, Jasmine, has her own problems, which she chooses not to burden Schmidt with.

“There’s a lot of trouble at home,” explained Jasmine to our local correspondent. “I really want to move out, my friend Ella even has a spare room I can afford, but I can’t leave my mom alone with my dad. She needs me.”

Schmidt, for his part, remains blissfully unaware of his girlfriend’s problems, being mostly consumed with his own continual struggle with every ideology which is not his interpretation of Marxism-Leninism cobbled together from Facebook memes: “It’s really hard being the only one with a clear view of what’s wrong with society,” he explained. “Sometimes Jasmine doesn’t even seem to understand me. She’s always hanging out with that feminist friend of hers, Ella, which is making us grow further apart.”

Asked if feminism was yet another ideology which failed to meet his rigorous theoretical standards, Schmidt informed us that he’s “not like a Men’s Rights Activist or whatever, but feminism really fails to account for class. It’s not a deep enough analysis of society for someone like me, you know,” concluded the isolated theoretical genius, as he shuffled to his favourite bar, which he has declared “really fuckin’ lumpen” for no apparent reason.

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Do you want some reading group recommendations for your own theoretical development? Might we recommend the texts of the Spatula Reading Group?

Anarchist Disappointed Sun Tzu’s “Art of War” Not as Metal as Expected

“It’s just some dumb book full of stupid words.”

ArtOWar

MELBOURNE – The Melbourne chapter of the Spatula Reading Group has recently gained a new member in local anarchist Kirk Jones from the Melbourne suburb or Northcote. Catching up on the reading has been tricky for the initially enthusiastic newcomer, who was suprised by the disproportionate emphasis on Chinese classics.

“Mengzi? The Tao Te Ching? Are these even words?” asked the incredulous anarchist to the reading group leader, who stared back blankly at him before returning to alphabetising the German idealism.

However, the brave anarchist has been soldiering on, attempting to discern the point of the pile of texts about contradictions and development which are the bread and butter of our satire page. Patience, however, has been wearing thin.

“The Art of War was one I was really looking forward to. I was hoping that would be the break from all this boring bullshit about ethics and spirit and whatever. It’s supposed to be a Chinese bloke going on about war, but it’s probably the most boring one of all!

“Fuck!” he added.

“First of all, it’s clearly written by some sort of cop, I mean, ‘you can be sure of succeeding in your attacks if you only attack places which are undefended’? Where’s the fun in that?

“Secondly, with a name like ‘Art of War’, you’d think it’d be really fucking metal. But it’s not actually, it’s just some dumb book full of stupid words. When I heard all the Vietnamese guerrillas read it during the war, I figured it was some sort of Maoist verison of ‘the Anarchist Cookbook’, but it turns out to be some Taoist version of ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’.

“A complete waste of time,” he concluded.

At time of press, Jones was critiquing the ‘art’ component of the title, given that the Chinese classic failed to include even one ‘gruesome picture of some guy getting his head chopped off’.

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New Zealand Left Relocates to Australia

Sheeps

AUCKLAND – Announcing that “we’ve had a good run”, the entire New Zealand left held a press conference today at which they declared their intention to relocate to Australia, gain Australian citizenship, and help foment socialist revolution in Australia.

“There’s not really much point in going on anymore, is there? We kept expecting to see a resurgent far right like they have in the rest of the Anglosphere, scaring massive… er… relatively massive numbers of young liberals into our arms, but that didn’t happen,” explained Sophie Brown, spokeswoman from the New Zealand ISO.

“Speaking for my own organisation, we were always internationalists, so we have no attachment to particular conditions, and anyway Australia’s not so very different to New Zealand. We have Socialist Alternative waiting to take us in with open arms.”

Ian Wilson, an Auckland-area anarchist, agreed: “One day we won’t have borders, but for now we reckon we’re inside the wrong ones for our ideology. Australia may not exactly be a  left-wing country, but us Kiwis are too moderate all around as things stand. Those of us who don’t have organisations or groups waiting for us intend to mill about for a while and see what suits us. I’ve got some friends in Sydney whose couch I can crash on while I go commune shopping.”

Asked if they were prepared for struggle against the rising tide of nativist chauvinism and fascism, all present answered in the affirmative: “Yeah man, Pauline Hanson, Malcolm Turnbull, bring it on! The people want some bloody action, and we can’t sustain that here in boring old Kiwiland,” reported “Adam”, a member of a tiny group calling itself the “New Communist Party of Aotearoa”, which will apparently be liquidating itself so it can join one of the many successful Maoist grouplets in Australia.

“Most of us won’t really be directly victimised, not being wogs and all”, explained OMU spokesman Alec Manson, “But we are ready to passively declare solidarity with those who are victimised by Australian racism, from refugees being abused in prison camps to the Aboriginal Australians, who clearly just take being angry more seriously than the Māori do.”

United Federation of Planets under Fire for “Social Imperialism”

ComradePicard

WHEREVER STAR TREK TAKES PLACE, SPACE OR WHATEVER, YOU GODDAMN NERDS – Despite claims made by the Federation to have abolished money, several former RIM affiliates have condemned the United Federation of Planets for operating in accordance with “capitalist logic” and having succumbed to the pressures of “space revisionism (the final revisionist frontier)”.

“The use of credits shows that contrary to the Federation’s claims of having advanced beyond socialism into full space communism, there is still some capacity for a descent into revisionism,” said a spokesman for the Communist (Maoist) Party of Afghanistan.

“Indeed,” concurred Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr’s spokesman. “It is our contention that old capitalist habits and relations have been sublated in the newly socialist Federation, but that lack of attention to this fact has allowed capitalist logic to reassert itself through the corrupt Federation bureaucracy. Combined with the Federation’s impressive military force, we are unfortunately beginning to see increasing violations of the Prime Directive, one of the first signs of social imperialism.”

When asked what they proposed as a solution for the dire picture they painted, the spokeswoman for the Communist Party of India (Maoist) prescribed “cultural revolution, by the bucketful. Just keep smashing old things until everything becomes new and good,” causing the other spokespeople to nod their heads in somber agreement.

While the intergalactic Trotskyist movement universally agreed that “degeneracy” was “inevitable” without Trotsky at the head of the Federation Council, they were divided on whether to critically support the Federation as a “degenerated workers’ space-althing” (per the Spartacist League) or whether to claim the Federation, like all practical efforts by anti-capitalists, was “worse than capitalism, which we wouldn’t want to be too hard on” (per Solidarity).

At press time, anarchists were still diving in dumpsters, even though we have fucking replicators now.

World’s Most Notorious Coffee Table Artist Apprehended

Banksy.png

İSTANBUL – Notorious coffee table book artist Banksy was apprehended midway through his latest piece on a wall in Istanbul last night. His trial at the Hague is expected to begin sometime in late 2016.

Banksy’s principal mistake appears to have been trusting the DHKP-C to cover his position while he worked. Rather than establishing a secure network throughout the area to signal when it was time to hide, the masked men of the DHKP-C simply waited until the police entered the area, before beginning to fire at random whilst bellowing: “YAŞASIN BANKSY, KAHROLSUN AMERİKA” in that annoying way that Turks chant at protests.

The piece, which was to take up the entirety of two corner walls of a vacant lot with letters at least two metres high, consisted primarily of the words “ALIŞVERİŞ KÖTÜDÜR” (“SHOPPING IS BAD”), and included stencils of anthropomorphic pigs in gas masks purchasing non-anthropomorphic pigs in gas masks outside of a mosque in what appeared to be a city in China.

US Secretary of State John Kerry called an emergency press conference, at which he largely articulated the views expected from a state organ of the chief imperialist country on Earth: “I don’t think I need to stress what an important capture this is. We can all rest easier tonight. I would like to thank our democratic allies in democratic Turkey for taking time out of their busy schedule of killing terroristic Kurdish children to capture Banksy, whose stencil art has created an environment of chaos and fear for the authorities all across the free world.

“Wherever Banksy’s work is seen, police officers clutch their weapons more tightly, knowing that his revolutionary message of vague dissatisfaction with capitalism was turning every passerby on the street and their mum into a violent insurgent bent on the overthrow of the capitalist state.

“Seriously, Banksy, you scared us so much. It’s off to the Hague with you now, where you can terrorise us no more.”

*Image stolen from demi adejuyigbe.