Dersim to Secede from Dersim out of Frustration

DuzgunBaba

THE CITY THAT KNOWS NOT ITS OWN NAME – “We’re doing it, kirwe,” said Ali Mehmet, puffing on his Laz Marlboro, “it’s really happening this time.”

“You’re joking, abi,” exclaimed Mehmet Ali, his younger friend.

“May there be Düzgün Baba, kirwe.”

The Maoists, Dersim’s favourite tourist attraction, are hurriedly preparing for the upcoming independence referendum, in which Dersim will vote on whether to secede from itself, owing to the latter’s failure to defend the region’s supposedly long-standing aspiration for freedom from the Turkish Republic which presently occupies it.

“Dersim can never advance towards socialism so long as it’s still full of Dersimliler,” explained Dilan Akdağ, a local DHF member, to our corespondent. “Our people deserve better than to have to live under the oppression of the fascist Kemalist state that we routinely affirm our loyalty to with CHP votes.”

The campaign has won widespread acceptance from the largely apathetic population, with the most significant voice of criticism coming from the post-DevYol grouplets Halkevleri and Kaldıraç, local members of which have been meeting with one another to coordinate for the “no” campaign.

“Everyone attacks us as Kemalists, but our concern here is very genuinely socialist,” explained Fatma Demirkan, a Halkevleri representative at the meeting which our local correspondent attended. “Dersim’s love for itself is not necessarily progressive. We have real trouble getting people to do actual political work, and a big part of this problem stems from the heroic self-image our people have. If we secede, we’re probably the ones who stand the most to gain: a population like that of Dersim would love to be run by people like us, and we’d certainly be able to sign up a lot of people if the CHP didn’t exist, but the question is, are these people ready to fight for socialist values themselves?”

“Is Dersim actually worth liberating?” asked local Kaldıraç cadre Derya Kılıç to our correspondent. “Dersim should frankly be abolished, as it delegitimises its own existence in practice: claiming to be communist, most of us are actually supremely opportunist and reformist, and we all know it. May there be Düzgün Baba, Hüseyin Aygün is less opportunist than most of us, and he’s in the god damned CHP. Will secession change any of that?”

The Bolşevik Parti of Turkey, North Kurdistan, Occupied Hatay, Dersim, and the Black Sea hurried to release an extremely correct declaration of their views on the matter, to be read mostly by writers of Worker’s Spatula and ICOR affiliates from other countries. It concludes as follows:

The people of Dersim have every right to decide their own future. Nobody has a right to intervene in this referendum, although frankly, we would be impressed if they could: almost any conceivable position the Turkish state could push would end up being the position of some leftist group in Dersim who would seize the opportunity to further destabilise the region from the perspective of the state. Almost none of us will honestly notice if Dersim does secede from itself, or Turkey, or Kurdistan, or whatever it’s a part of now, any more than most of Turkey notices this declaration we’re writing right now.

In the event of a “no” vote on Dersim’s secession from Dersim, the Maoists expect an escalation of the people’s war. Incidentally, this is also their expectation in the event of a “yes” vote.

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Shock as DSA Establishes Fraternal Relations with CPC

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NEW YORK CITY/TWITTER: The US left is reeling in the aftermath of DSA’s announcement that, following their decision to leave the so-called “Socialist International”, they have established fraternal relations with the revisionist Communist Party of China.

“After internal debate, we are entering into fraternal relations with our comrades of the CPC. Socialist China is a beacon to the world and a shining example of what we want to establish in America, only without going through the tankie Maoist phase,” said DSA spokesperson and self described “Dengist Harringtonite” Brendan O’Grady.

“We want Socialism with Chinese Characteristics, only instead it’s Socialism with American Characteristics. There’s no real difference between the two, only instead of mass unemployment and environmental degradation being masked by singing ‘March of the Volunteers’, we’ll sing ‘This Land is Your Land’” added O’Grady.

The Revolutionary Organisation of Labor, the US ICOR affiliate and chief source of Marxist entryism into the DSA, released the following statement:

At the current stage, we have to accept this embrace of Chinese revisionism as a step forwards for the proletariat of the US (North) oppressor nation. Viewing Chinese social imperialism as a model deserves harsh criticism, but the objective conditions are such that anything that can stand in the way of warmongering against the DPRK is progressive. Further, it is our hope that by passing through the Three Worlds Theory, we might eventually be able to steer the DSA towards Marxism-Leninism.

But let’s give the kids some credit, they’re moving pretty quick. They’re kicking out cops and they support Chokwe Antar Lumumba. Remember when we thought the best we could hope for was Sanders?

Less critical self-identified Marxist-Leninists in the US, particularly those found on Twitter, were thrown into confusion by these developments, which pitted their uncritical love of red flags against their uncritical hatred of practical politics in their own country:

“DSA is a bunch of petty bourgeois cop lovers! How could they support China? How could China support them?” asked a confused @BeriasT34.

“DSA has broken with imperialism. Long live DSA, long live Socialist China” @NKVDfan replied, adding a rose emoji to his Twitter name.

“It’s another psyop, everything’s a psyop,” opined @DaddyStalin.

“Except me”, he hastily added in a follow-up tweet.

At time of press, the Bolşevik Parti of Turkey and North Kurdistan (one of the country’s three ICOR affiliates) had released a twenty-page analysis of the DSA and the YDS, comparing the former to TİP and the RSDLP, and the latter to DevGenç and the Bolsheviki. The long screed ended by imploring the “rebel youth” of the DSA to send a representative to meet them in Germany to coordinate declarations. Fellow Turkish ICOR affiliate TİKB have reportedly sent an enquiry to the YDS Twitter page enquiring about coordinating armed struggle.

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ICOR Descends on London to Talk Toblerone Tactics

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LONDON – ICOR, the international revolutionary solidarity organisation formed at the initiative of its most famous affiliate, Nouveau Parti Communiste Haϊtien (Marxiste-Léniniste), are ringing in 2017 with a newer, bigger solidarity project, even more important to the international revolutionary movement than the Kurdish liberation movement’s defence of Şengal and Rojava from the barbaric forces of ISIS.

As is known, the gaps in the Toblerone in the UK have been widened, provoking a strong public outcry, particularly from the petty bourgeoisie and labour aristocracy. Protests have broken out across England, leading ICOR to call an emergency conference in London to discuss strategy and tactics for the chocolate crisis.

“Toblerone is a blatantly petty bourgeois chocolate, and class dynamics must underlie our every discussion,” opined a representative of the Bolshevik Party (North Kurdistan-Turkey). “Standing with these petty bourgeois protesters, even if they should riot and fight the police, would be tantamount to supporting fascism. Our struggle against opportunism must definitely extend to Toblerone and all other chocolate confections.”

“Most forms of struggle in the UK inevitably possess some petty bourgeois character, on account of the strength of the labour aristocracy,” responded a KOE member in attendence, on break from organising the bream-fishers of Santorini. “What is crucial is that the rejection of the gap-widening of the Toblerone reflects a rejection of profit-motivated production as such and can be used to help the masses understand their interest in socialism.”

From the back of the room came a loud cough, as a representative of the MLGS (the Marxist-Leninist Group of Switzerland) stood to speak:

Comrades! As the only Swiss in the room, and the only communists in Switzerland, we are in a unique position to analyse the impetus for this chocolate-modifying: It is our understanding that the chocolate was modified not for reasons of the profit motive, which would be difficult to explain in light of this modification being done, as far as our investigations have determined, only in the United Kingdom.

Clearly our bourgeois compatriots in Switzerland modified the British Toblerone so as to teach the obscenely positivist peoples of Britain about Hegelian dialectics. As all Swiss companies’ boards of directors are predominantly Right Hegelian, this unfortunately does result in greater overall exploitation for the profit motive. However, as all chocolate under capitalism is effectively in the service of the profit motive, we must consider, contextually, what meaning can truly be derived from this latest Toblerone gambit:

Out of the being of Toblerone has come the nothingness of the gaps. Out of the nothingness of the gaps comes being. Without the gaps, you cannot conceive of Toblerone as such. When Toblerone ceases to exist, so too will its gaps.

Was it not Marx who said: “With Toblerone, class struggle is standing on its head. It must be inverted, in order to discover the dialectical chocolate within the vulgar paper and foil shell”?

The Swiss representative then proceeded to take a Toblerone bar, flip it over several times on the table, as its triangular shape made it difficult to precisely determine when it was standing on its head, before unwrapping it and eating it piece by piece as the entire room waited silently, with baited breath.

At time of press, the ICOR meeting in London had voted down TİKB’s proposal to “blow up a Toblerone bar in the middle of London as an act of armed propaganda”.

Liechtensteiner ICOR Affiliate Discovered

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VADUZ, LIECHTENSTEIN – A wrong turn by one of our Viennese correspondents led them to accidentally enter Liechtenstein, the rarest and highest HP value of all the German-speaking countries. While there, he decided to visit an old comrade presently teaching at the Wirtschaftswissenschaftsfakultät of the University of Liechtenstein.

The comrade, [REDACTED] provided him with a copy of the newsletter of der Revolutionäre Organisation Liechtensteins (ROL), the Liechtensteiner ICOR affiliate, which describes itself as “the only genuine Marxist-Leninist organisation operating from within the belly of the imperialist beast that is Liechtenstein”. Below are some selections from this rare and extremely anti-revisionist organisation. Reader discretion is advised:

New Octobers: Yes! Liechtenstein: No!

The world needs a new October Revolution today. Where the first one shall be, no one can say, but one can say that it will not be in Liechtenstein. Liechtenstein is the most dangerous and reactionary entity imagineable, and the only solution to its contradictions is its utter and complete destruction.

We call upon our comrades, the toiling masses of Liechtenstein, particularly the Gastarbeiters whose exploited labour allows the labour aristocracy of Liechtenstein to grow fat and stupid, as well as the escalator repairmens union in which we have long been active, to rise up to destroy Liechtenstein and help its people unite with their brothers and sisters in Switzerland and Austria.

We call upon all our fraternal organisations of ICOR to unite with us in our call for the destruction of Liechtenstein, and work for the overturning of all existing social conditions and a glorious red dawn for a new day tomorrow!

Workers of the world and oppressed peoples – unite!

Liechtenstein must be destroyed!

Other pieces attacked rival left-wing formations in Liechtenstein, such as they are:

Pepo Frick – Scoundrel and spectacled traitor

In our analysis, the single greatest threat to the toilers of the pseudo-country known as Liechtenstein is the scoundrel and spectacled traitor who calls himself Pepo Frick. Pepo Frick, if that is his real name, stands as the smiling face of social-democracy in Liechtenstein. Little do the confused masses of Liechtenstein realise that social-democracy, far from being a “left” trend, is actually the historical friend of Nazism and the cold-blooded assassins of Rosa Luxemburg and Karl Liebknecht.

If tomorrow the entirety of the ROL is found floating dead in the Rhine, slaughtered by bloodthirsty Nazis, know that it was Pepo Frick who delivered this fate unto us.

Remain ever-vigilant comrades: No to social-democracy, NO TO PEPO FRICK!

On the final page, some truly unique theoretical positions were on display:

Stalin – REVISIONIST?

We, der Revolutionäre Organisation Liechtensteins (ROL), have never shied away from controversy when declaring our bold theoretical stances. We declared Mao to have dangerously deviated from the correct line before Enver Hoxha did, and we declared Enver Hoxha to have embraced the Three Worlds Theory before the elements that would become the Bolşevik Parti in North Kurdistan – Turkey did. We declared Bob Avakian to be a Trotskyite before the RIM did, and we declared the DPRK to be Trotskyites just so we could take a stance literally no one else has.

We now wish to unveil our boldest theory yet: Joseph Stalin was himself a Trotskyite revisionist, worse even than Lenin in his deviations from the correct line of Marxism-Leninism, defensible only against the immediate and total threat of international fascism, led by Ernest Mandel…

It goes on like this for a few paragraphs.

We wish our newfound comrades in Liechtenstein all the best, and call upon all sympathetic forces in Austria and Switzerland to unite with them in struggle, and struggle with them in unity.

Joint Statement by the German Left Denouncing “Adventurism”

BERLIN – At a press conference in Berlin today, several organisations of the German left came together to release a joint statement denouncing “adventurism”. In an unprecedented case of left unity, the German Communist Party (DKP), Die Linke (The Left), the movementist Interventionistische Linke, as well as various Trotskyist groups denounced every attempt of using militancy in pursuing socialism. “It just doesn’t work,” said the DKP representative at the press conference. “I mean, have you seen a successful revolution in Germany throughout the last decades? No, you haven’t. So we’ve got to end this and find a new strategy.”

The spokeswoman of Interventionistische Linke added: “We fully agree with our slightly Stalinist comrade. Or were they bureaucratic reformists? It doesn’t matter, we are now objectively on the same side. See, we have seen all these protest movements in Southern Europe that turned violent. We get it, the people are angry, as they are impoverished by German politics. But they can’t simply attack police officers or occupy open squares. At the same time, we cannot simply confront the German state because of its politics. I mean, there is democracy here, so we have to participate in elections and hope the German people elect us, so we can end austerity politics. Sorry, friends in the South, these are the rules.”

Upon being asked if the Interventionistische Linke wasn’t in fact a movement-oriented organisation that did not particularly focus on electoral politics, she responded: “Sure, that’s the historical subjective difference, but there’s no objective difference between what we are and leftist groups that don’t get elected. So you know, we just follow trends now. For example: ever since Syriza, we’ve decided we want to be the German Syriza. Our members are all presently working on modifying their appearance and mannerisms to resemble Tsipras. We’ve already got the bad English down, now we’re raising money for plastic surgery so that all our members, men and women, will physically resemble him.”

Further statements from other groups were scarce. Katja Kipping, co-chair of Die Linke said: “Our politics have always been non-confrontational and cowardly, so this isn’t really a new position for us. We love calling everyone ‘adventurist’. We have nothing to add.” While a joint delegate of various Trotskyist groups added: “We, as Trotskyists, are always with the people. The German people today are in their great majority boring petty bourgeois hacks. And so are we.”

After the press conference a small tumult broke out among the Trotskyist groups, because while the one delegate was speaking as agreed upon by all the other groups, several groups changed their minds about the proper procedure. After the fight (itself repeatedly condemned as “adventurist” by its participants while they were delivering blows to their rivals), the representative of NAO (New Anticapitalist Organisation) spoke to us: “No, we all agreed on the message. But we discussed who should present it up until the very last minute. Then the press conference began and we sent the one guy up, but continued discussing the procedure backstage, per our understanding of democratic centralism. That’s how the confusion arose.” Asked if the issue had now been settled once and for all, he responded: “I really doubt it, that wouldn’t be consistent with our overall political line.”

Stefan Engel, the leader of the MLPD, the only notable absent figure of the left in Germany, said the following while drinking in a Bavarian beerhouse with one of our correspondents: “You know what Lenin said about German revolutionaries, right? About how they buy a ticket before occupying a train station? Well, there you have it. The only alternative is my party, the MLPD, and that the downtrodden German peasants will recognise the correctness of our line and join our ranks in masses. We are just months away from declaring an open protracted people’s war on the German state.”

International reactions to the shocking announcement were mixed. A joint response by Marxist parties from Turkey including EMEP, BDSP, Devrimci Parti, SYKP, SODAP and TÖPG read: “Fuck the German left.” The MKP, TKP/ML, Bolşevik Parti, TİKB, and MLKP issued a separate statement that noted it was in full agreement with the aforementioned statement while adding the caveat: “Except the MLPD and our comrade Stefan Engel, the only hope for the fucking Germans.”

Joma Sison, founder of the Communist Party of the Philippines, released a video message on his Facebook page in which he spoke for approximately 15 minutes about Chairman Mao and the great struggle of the CPP-NPA before asking the viewer “So, what was the topic of my message again?” Answering himself, he said: “That’s right, the Germans have done it again. They are Germans, what else is there to say? My good friend Stefan Engel is German and he is not German, but an internationalist at the same time. That is why he is not like them. Also note that this is a prime example of Maoist dialectics.”

Sison then repeated the word “dialectics” intermittently every few seconds for two minutes before the video abruptly stopped.

Didi Zach of the Communist Party of Austria (KPÖ) addressed the issue at his 11 o’clock beer breakfast, where he stated: “We feel a little bit insulted. Why did they not ask us to participate? I am absolutely sure that we would have managed to create a wonderful alliance representing Greater Germany on this issue. I mean, ‘the German speaking world’, or how do you say that these days? You know what? Let’s go with ‘Greater Germany’. After all, our sole mission is to expel everything the old KPÖ stood for from our party and as it was the only party defending the Austrian nation against the ‘Greater Germany’ concept, I think that’s the concept we’ll follow.”