“Why are the Dumb Masses Abandoning Us?” asks CPI(M)

WestBengal

KOLKATA – “We’re suffering in the polls again!” cried local ‘communist revolutionary’ Laxman Chandra Pilao as he stepped out onto the street to meet with our local correspondent, whose hand he briskly shaked without stopping as he strode forward into the street. “I don’t know how we’re going to recover from the last election at this rate. Come quickly, don’t delay.”

“There’s only one thing to do” Pilao exclaimed as he grabbed a ‘chai’ tea from a chaiwala, forgetting to leave money. As our correspondent tried to quickly count out the appropriate amount for the chaiwala, he noticed that Pilao was escaping around the corner, styrofoam cup of piping hot tea in hand. “It’s clear that we just need to go to the masses and explain to them that we are still their favourite party, even if some of them seem to be forgetting it.”

“Why do you suppose they’re forgetting it?” asked our correspondent, quite earnestly.

“Modi magic is still alive, for one thing. Also, Congress types keep fiendishly running against us in elections. Elections are very important to CPI(M) because we use them to expose groups like Congress.”

His comrade, Dhanesh Kar, speaking to our correspondent at his union office later that day, concurred: “Congress are like Tito, they may look progressive, but given the slightest chance and they will completely sell their souls to imperialism. Unfortunately, for some reason people can’t see the difference between us and Congress, so we might as well run together to increase our visibility to the stupid, blind masses.”

“I’m out here, every day, trying to tell these people to stop abandoning us,” informed local ‘militant’ Raghavaram Khichuri. “They seem more interested in their everyday problems, which could easily be solved if the CPI(M) were given total power in West Bengal!” he said, referring to the party which dominated state politics for three decades.

“We are called the communist party! That makes us important, and if the people don’t see that, then they are objective agents of fascism!”