BURLINGTON, VERMONT – Bernie Sanders surprised many today by announcing his candidacy for President of the United States in the 2020 election, running on a campaign to “Make America Great Again”.
“I think I speak for all Americans when I say that things were better in the ’50s, with the more Keynesian economic policies, and the post-war togetherness, that we all, equally enjoyed,” explained the presidential hopeful to an assembled crowd in his adopted hometown of Burlington, Vermont whose number dwarfs that of all genuine Clinton supporters the world over.
“While I did actually win the 2016 election, and remain the only politician who is actually popular across the United States, I think we can all agree that 2020 is the year in which we can make everyone recognise America’s potential. Trump didn’t have the guts to identify the era in which America was previously great, but I will: it was the New Deal, and post-WWII reconstruction, and the Golden Era of Browder and Browderism. That’s what socialism is about, that’s what America is about, and we can make it great again.”
The DSA have been bowled over the announcement, with three distinct trends emerging in response. The rightmost trend, representing the pro-Obama/Clinton trend within the DSA, have already embraced the coming 2020 Sanders campaign: “This is the culmination of everything the DSA have been working for. Socialism is now mainstream, Democracy is now mainstream, democratic socialism is mainstream,” explained a spokesperson for the “Old Democratic Socialists Caucus”.
“I mean, they always were, because the police are socialist.”
The bulk of youth supporters of the DSA have been less enthusiastic. We spoke to one Sandra Young, of the Georgetown DSA: “Like a lot of young DSA recruits, I consider myself to the left of Sanders?” explained Sandra Young of the Georgetown DSA. “But I have to recognise that the DSA, as legal and friendly and big-tent as it is, is actually quite far left as far as the general US trends go? So we should probably support Sanders, but really? Make America Great Again? Like actually?”
“I would say I’m glad we’re not automatically supporting whatever the Democratic Party supports, but I can’t guarantee that the Democratic candidate won’t run on a platform of Making America Great Again, and call this their lone concession to ‘the left’ now, so I’d say that’s a pretty hollow victory?.”
Asked who she would vote for in the event of a choice between Trump/Clinton and a Sanders who believes only in concessions to that camp, Young responded she would “probably just cast a protest vote for Assata Shakur.”
ROL units deep within the southern chapters of the YDS reported cautious optimism about the direction of the DSA following Sanders’s announcement. A young militant who goes only by “the Southern Hoxhaist” had this to say: “I’m not sure what’s so surprising to everyone. Sanders thinks FDR was socialist, half the DSA think Sweden is socialist, and it’s now an official DSA position that China is socialist. Everyone who isn’t Georgist is basically Keynesian, and this is a result of the US’s decades-long isolation from the world revolutionary movement and the lack of any single genuine Marxist-Leninist party.
“However, if you have a grasp of the totality of the process, you’ll see that the trend among the youth is towards us. All around the US, young people eagerly await the release of the latest ROL newsletter so we can debate the contents in Marxist reading groups and DSA working groups. Ray is looking into the future, comrades, and it is shining brightly thanks to the red sun of socialism
“Sanders is on his last legs, the future belongs to ICOR. Revisionism is over, if you want it.”
Did you enjoy this piece, or anything else on Worker’s Spatula? Then consider donating as little as one imperialist Yankee dollar a month to supporting our work!