“Cops are Workers” Programme a Roaring Success


CHICAGO – Finally taking heed to the sage advice given by many reasonable, bourgeois, disproportionately white leftists, Marxists in the US have decided to start actively working to organise the police, as they are just workers, you see.

“Excuse me,” said Eric Cohen of the Spartacist League, as he stepped up to the front desk in the Cicero Police Department. “Have you considered the degenerated workers’ state in North Korea’s right to nuclear weapons?”

Forty-seven minutes later, Cohen walked out of the office, having sold seven newspapers and three subscriptions.

“What can I say?” said “new recruit” to the Permanent Revolution Officer O’Brien. “He was very persuasive. I hadn’t considered how we cops are being exploited, and how we are entitled to all the value produced by our labour of murdering black children.”

“Death to Yankee imperialism!” added his colleague, Officer Johnson.

On the south side, FRSO member Malcolm Jackson was being interviewed by the local Worker’s Spatula correspondent as he was brutally beaten by Chicago Police Officer King.

“In a sense, Officer King here is also a victim of the system. He’s also being exploited by the capitalist class as he beats me with this baton you see here,” Jackson explained, his fist raised defiantly in the air as Officer King mercilessly rained down blow after blow on his head.

Asked how successful he found the programme to be, Officer King smiled broadly and said: “Very successful. I really feel like my eyes have been opened now. Me and a few other guys from the Fraternal Order of Police, Lodge 7, are going on strike next week. We demand much higher wages to brutalise no-good troublemakers like this piece of shit here.”