New 12-Step Programme AAAA Founded for those Addicted to Artisanal Anti-Revisionism


CW: Addiction, self-harm

A BASEMENT IN LOS ANGELES – A new twelve-step programme called “Artisanal Anti-Revisionism Addicts Anonymous” (AAAA) has been founded in Los Angeles (or by its full, original, Spanish name: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili), which is targeted at anti-revisionists too disattached from the social dogma even for Gonzaloism.

You know, the sort of people who read Abstrakt and write for Worker’s Spatula and have strong opinions about the TİKB splits.

These poor souls have had their chance at a normal life ruined by a crippling addiction to reading condemnations, analysis, and declarations from various anti-revisionist groups so obscure in the mainstream discourse and so furiously angry at the various frauds who masquerade as Marxists these days that they make the RIM look like social democrats. Using the traditional twelve-step format for other addictions, they hope to come together and become normal, healthy, functioning (but critical) members of popular fronts.

The inaugural meeting began with all attendees going round the circle and introducing themselves in turn, in the form: “my name is [FIRST NAME], and I’m addicted to obscure boutique anti-revisionist publications”.

“It started with reading old Stalinist Workers Group for Afro-American National Liberation and a New Communist International polemics against anyone and everyone. I thought it was no big deal, just a fun way to arm myself theoretically against the modern revisionists,” explained one young man, who was fired from his job for spending an entire workweek doing nothing but printing up hundreds of pages of opinions on precisely what went wrong in China.

“The next thing I know, I’m casually using terms like ‘modern revisionists’, and teaching myself Tamil so I can read NDMLP propaganda from Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka. That’s like extra bad island India, with extra annoying Trots. Our comrades in the NDMLP say that…” trailed off the young man before bursting into tears, horrified at what he had become.

The young woman seated to his right patted him on the back to comfort him before taking her turn: “I started talking to some of the APL people in some leftbook group. It seemed like there couldn’t be any harm in reading Enver Hoxha. Then I found out that in Turkey, Hoxhaism is so mainstream that there are multiple kinds of Hoxhaist who disagree with each other on how to criticise Hoxha, whether to do it like Hoxha or Stalin or Freire or Che or something. I hit bottom last week when I found myself snorting the ashes from a printed-up stack of Devrimci Proletarya tweets I had smoked while listening to Kutup Yıldızı and screaming ‘FACTIONALIST! SPLITTER! NEO-BERNSTEINITE!’ at the mirror.

“My mother came in just as I had punched the mirror, shattering it to pieces. When she tried to take my wounded hands in hers, I pulled away screaming ‘NO, COMRADE MOM, I NEED TO WRITE A SELF-CRITICISM IN MY OWN BLOOD!'”

A minor spat broke out between two members over which four-person Guevarist group hiding in the Andes whose faxed pamphlets they had read in the library was more correct in their critical engagement with the Bolivarian Revolution, causing the moderator to have to intervene and remind them: “Comrades, let’s not forget that we want to be the sort of people who can hear the word ‘Venezuela’ without launching into an hour-long sectarian tirade against sectarianism.”

All members of the group, regardless of tendency or number of screeds they have wheatpasted to the walls of their college campus, could agree on their higher power to which they would appeal as they worked their way through the steps: the dialectic of history.

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Revolutionary Communist Party of Argentina Still Exists, they report


BUENOS AIRES – Our top secret Argentine source reports that the almost-ICOR member/affiliate PCR (Revolutionary Communist Party) of Argentina continues to exist, according to extremely credible information passed to them by the PCR itself, stating, and we quote “we are still holding it down for all the clowns in this bourgeois town”.

The reasons for the use of English to correspond between Argentine and Argentine could not be ascertained. Top dialecticians at the Spatula suspect that the PCR is so incredibly cognisant of the totality of class struggle that they foresaw that this statement would be significant to the Spatula, and would have to be translated to English accordingly.

Alternatively, perhaps we made up the quote for a gag on our stupid page.

Confirming that they “still hate Deng and everything” and “Trots should get shot”, the elusive and ROL-friendly Argentine Maoists sent in several photographs of themselves talking to the masses, which were very impressive, proletarian, and dialectical.

We did see a photo of them drinking wine, but it’s Argentina, so that’s proletarian there, right? In Turkey alcohol is so expensive that even the cheapest of beer reeks of petty bourgeois decadence, and in the rest of the normal world, wine is a bit French, innit?

Despite repeated e-mails, by time of press, no confirmation could be found that the hardest Argentine guerrillas of all time, the ex-Trots of PRT-ERP, still exist in any meaningful sense. But our PCR friends assured us that the People’s War™ in Perú continues, and will spread to Argentina around the same time “our people learn to speak proper Spanish”.

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Worker’s Spatula Begin Second Three-Year Plan


AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN THE SWISS ALPS – Coming up on the third anniversary of the founding of Worker’s Spatula on the 16th of this month, Worker’s Spatula’s Central Committee have convened in a village in the Swiss Alps to appraise the successes and failures of the first Three-Year Plan and outline the second one, to be put into action immediately.

The Three-Year Plan was originally conceived of as a rough guide to the collective’s interventions for the coming period, both in terms of the process and the desired results. Following our general criticism of the 20th century experience as having been insufficiently dialectical, we chose a three-year period over a five-year period on the grounds that a change in quantity would effect a change in quality, and also Lenin: “Better Fewer, But Better”.

Several members spoke of their appraisal of our achievements with regard to our initial ambitions:

“Obviously the greatest success has been the high level of theoretical development of our cadres within the Spatula’s network, as well as our many readers scattered across all continents,” began one German representative, passing around some cigars procured on his recent trip to Haiti, the homeland of the Lordship–Bondage dialectic (citation: Susan Buck-Morss). “We are completely ahead of schedule on that front. Our original stated goal was to exceed Žižek’s level of Hegel-fetishism by 2018, we have actually transformed the international anti-revisionist movement into an invisible army of Hegel scholars. Praise the dialectic of history!”

“Typical German idealism,” hastily interjected an English representative. “Our greatest success has been material, namely our transformation of Worker’s Spatula from a backwards website into a great industrial power able to economically outproduce Great Moments in Leftism, and to do so relying principally on Turkish resources, against the vulgar economist predictions of the leftcom scoundrels.”

“Comrades, comrades,” interrupted a sobering voice with a Turkish accent from the back of the room, “it is the accepted thing at congresses to speak of achievements. That we have achievements is beyond question. They, these achievements, are, of course, not inconsiderable, and there is no reason to hide them. But, comrades, it has become a practice with us lately to talk so much of achievements, and sometimes so affectedly, that one loses all desire to speak of them once again. Allow me, therefore, to depart from the general practice and to say a few words not about our achievements, but about our weaknesses and our tasks in connection with these weaknesses.”

Recognising the Stalin quote, several Central Committee members present shifted uncomfortably in their seats, preparing for accusations of bureaucratisation.

With each week that brings us closer to 2019 and the 300th anniversary of the Nazi Nightmareland which is Liechtenstein, it becomes more and more obvious that no matter which tactics we employ, we are utterly powerless to bring down this regime. Nobody dares say it, but since we are all thinking it, I will stake my reputation on telling the truth: Liechtenstein imperialism is so impervious to our efforts to bring it down precisely because there is another, more powerful imperialist country defending it. I speak of course of Swiss imperialism.

At the beginning of our first Three-Year Plan, we determined that there was a need to grasp the Leninist assertion that imperialism is in fact the highest stage in the development of capitalism, and to retheorise this against the economically ignorant misconceptions which have become predominant in our movement. Our attacks on Liechtenstein have, in this light, been very correct and crucial for world revolution. But we cannot ignore the fact that we have spent considerable resources in 2018, suffering splits and even sacrificing martyrs to ensure the downfall of Liechtenstein from our base here in Switzerland, when it is the objective social and economic relations within Switzerland, and not our subjectivity as anti-Liechtenstein guerrillas, which have been holding back this revolutionary war.

We cannot hold this criticism back until the New Year’s Message and Self-Criticism: the head of global imperialism is Swiss monopoly capital, a force more powerful even than Liechtenstein. Our next Three-Year Plan must include a commitment to the theoretical and practical development of the revolutionary movement within Switzerland itself. Only thus can we construct a revolutionary movement actually capable of confronting these two greatest imperialist powers: Switzerland and Liechtenstein, who together prop up all others and indeed the entire capitalist world-system.

After a tense moment of silence, this speech was greeted with applause, and chants in support of the construction of a “pan-Alpine guerrilla movement” by August 2021.

Other criticisms of the first Three-Year Plan were that the seriousness of our commitment to Marxism has also weakened our ability to intervene in the sphere of internet content. The second Three-Year Plan is to include a commitment to gaining at least one new content-creator for every four people who have to stop contributing because of the demands of our real-world politics.

As the meeting rounded up, other aspects of the second Three-Year Plan were agreed upon in a democratic centralist fashion. By 2021, Worker’s Spatula expect to have:

  • Achieved full vegetarianism of the Central Committee and achieved majority vegetarianism by all Worker’s Spatula contributors. Bream will be phased out last among meats, and all meat-eating readers are encouraged to spend the next year transitioning through a bream-based diet to a vegetarian diet as quickly as possible.
  • Re-educated all cishet man comrades to never accept any relationship with a woman other than one based upon the heroic principles of socialist matriarchal polyandry.
  • Spatular agents within every single ICOR affiliate, a broad influence on other international anti-revisionist projects.
  • Recognition not only as the pinnacle of Marxist-Leninist internet content and the vanguard of the vanguard of the vanguard of the revolution, but also take over all those other communist meme pages on Facebook, directly or indirectly.
  • Used Twitter to make the sort of jokes we used to make on WordPress, then as the character count increases on that site, gradually turn the Twitter content into the sort of lengthy screeds which are now normative on the WordPress site, and by the end of the Three-Year Plan have to find another platform for dumb jokes on.

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US Democrats Who Won’t Shut Up About “Russian Conspiracy” Part of Liechtenstein Conspiracy


WASHINGTON DC – Speaking on conditions of anonymity and that if for any reason their identity should be compromised, we would take them into a safehouse for the foreseeable future, a US State Department official revealed some shocking details about the ongoing “#RussiaGate” controversy in that country:

“Any reasonable person can see that the media and various public figures are kind of running with the idea that Russia’s behind every single controversy in the United States, without any of these necessarily making any sense. That’s not the interesting part.

“Some of us started getting suspicious around the time they declared Jill Stein was backed by the Russians. Now, it’s conceivable that Russia would want to use a third party vote to get Trump into office, but then they started talking about Sanders as part of some Russian conspiracy. Sanders would’ve beaten Trump, so that doesn’t make any sense.

“By now I’m sure you’ve heard, the DSA is Russia, #AbolishICE is Russia, Black Lives Matter, it’s all Russia, right? Now nobody can really believe all of that, can they? Is it just journalists having a bit of fun? But then why are Democrats going along with it? So I asked Senator [REDACTED], ‘do you really believe all this stuff about Black Lives Matter being paid by the Russians and so on?’, well he tells me ‘no, but I have to say it’.

“‘Why, the lobbyists?’ I asked, ‘which ones?’. Now, I could imagine all sorts of big money interests behind the Democrats want to keep steering the party as far right as they can, but no, he says, ‘certain fanatical anti-communist groups, if you know what I mean’.”

At this juncture, our informant gave our correspondent a meaningful look.

“Anyone who’s worked for the State Department for even a week knows he means Liechtenstein. I mean, you know these fucks, they still have their Nazi war criminal monument, they use their banking money to put the kibosh on anything that stinks of socialism from here to Sydney.”

[REDACTED], our top secret source at [REDACTED BOURGEOIS NEWS SOURCE], confirmed that several individuals with “German accents” had been seen going into meetings with journalists who were reporting on “RussiaGate”:

Yeah, #MeToo suddenly became Russian, every protest became Russian, I asked [REDACTED] if she felt ethical about spreading such obviously fake news, and she said ‘they offered me an all-expenses-paid trip to Vaduz for Memorial Day Weekend, what do I care if people who will vote for anyone who’s not a Republican think about some marginal left groups?’

I think it’s disgusting personally, but that’s the society we’ve been living in for some time: corporations own the media, special interests own the politicians, and when Liechtenstein says jump, everyone says ‘how high?’

It’s a shame that so many people who aren’t directly benefiting from Liechteinstein’s hush money are parroting their line, but what can you do?

Asked about the allegation that Black Lives Matter, the #MeToo movement, the Green Party, and significant sections of the Sanders campaign and the DSA (particularly the Boston branch) were all under the control of US ICOR affiliate ROL, [REDACTED] responded “well sure, but there’s no money in telling the truth, is there?”

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Disheartened Communist’s Fighting Spirit Revived by “Through the Fire and the Flames”


İSTANBUL – As HDP campaigning carries on in the shadow of ongoing AKP repression, progressives across Turkey are redoubling their efforts to unite all poor and oppressed in a principled struggle against fascism on all fronts. One ordinarily disheartened communist has had his spirits lifted by British power metal outfit DragonForce’s hit 2006 track “Through the Fire and the Flames”:

“Most days I trend towards hopelessness, despair, and a belief that all my efforts are for naught and the fascists will invariably win,” explained Özgür Ğ in between handing out HDP propaganda to passers-by. “A vote for the HDP is a vote for fraternity and peace!” he shouted towards a curious crowd of onlookers, before turning back to our correspondent:

I would say I think about failure and death… most days. But ever since I heard that song about carrying on through the fire and the flames, it’s been stuck in my head, and I keep thinking: the fire and the flames are like the gunshot that killed Ethem Sarısülük. The carrying on? Well that’s you know… carrying on. In spite of that.

Some young students passing Özgür took some of his propaganda without his having to convince them, taking a swig of water he turned to our correspondent and smiling said: “the young comrades are the best, they are the hope for the future. If you ever think we won’t win, look to the young women with their fierce determination. They will lift up the struggle to heights you have never seen before.”

Some things seem really difficult, like victory in the face of fascist forces who have shown their readiness and willingness to take on the army in a reactionary-on-reactionary civil war. After the July 15th coup attempt, it’s easy to think we are weak and on the sidelines. It’s easy to imagine the red dawn will never come. You would think victory was impossible.

But then you hear Herman Li shredding on his fucking guitar on that “Fire and the Flames” track, all weedly-deedly-weedly-deedly, and it just makes you think: fuck it, communism will win. We will inscribe socialism into the 21st century.

Asked for his assessment of a likely body count from post-election violence, Özgür merely began bellowing Theart’s lyrics at our correspondent, which admittedly sound vaguely Stalingrad-ish if that’s your angle:




At this point, Özgür merrily twirled his own Stalin-esque moustache and bounced further down the street.

However, by time of press, an argument with a belligerent Vatan Partisi uncle had re-convinced Özgür of the inevitability of failure, causing him to lapse back into depression, and could be seen sobbing in an alley, crying “it’s pointless, we’re all going to die!”, at which juncture an HDP friend grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and pantomimed an air guitar motion to bring him to his senses.

To this Özgür responded with an equally enthusiastic air guitar display of his own, and an off-key wailing:


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Point/Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong


Point: Jeremy Gong is Hillary Clinton
by Ray O’Light of the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA

Dear friends,
It seems our attention is drawn once again to California for an election. But this time not for an election sanctioned by the state, but by the local East Bay branch of the Democratic Socialists of America, an all-US organization made popular in the aftermath of the progressive petty bourgeois social-democrat Bernie Sanders campaign for president which our forces supported.

On the one side stands the so-called “Bread and Roses” slate, headed by Jeremy Gong, who cannot seem to make a single political argument without legitimizing themselves through Bernie Sanders, their “socialist” hero. On the other stands the Working-Class Unity and Power slate, which stands for uniting the reformist demands of the rising “socialist” tide associated with Sanders with the rightful demands of Afro-Americans, LGBT, and other marginalized folks.

It should come as no surprise which side we endorse. The San Francisco Bay Area shows great potential for revolutionary struggle, and we are heartened to hear through Worker’s Spatula that some of our readers are engaged in the Working-Class Unity and Power slate’s campaign to bring down the “Bread and Roses” clique, composed as far as we understand of Trotskyites and other imperialist tools masquerading as socialists. The Working-Class Unity and Power slate, on the other hand, despite its ideological diversity, seems committed to confronting fascism, imperialism, and capitalism, on a platform we can say is excellent, even exemplary given the current conjecture.

We hope that this will be the first step towards more intense vanguard struggle on behalf of the working class, oppressed nationalities, women, LGBT, and other marginalized folks in the San Francisco Bay Area and across California.

We must, however, warn our young friends and comrades of the East Bay DSA that Jeremy Gong, despite posing himself as a Sanders with every self-congratulatory breath he takes, shows all the tell-tale signs of being a Clinton. The “Bread and Roses” clique will attempt to use all power in their hands to do to the Working-Class Unity and Power slate what Clinton did in June 2016: Gong and his Trotskyite followers may use their control of the mechanisms of the East Bay DSA communication and electoral process to divert the attention of the less organized masses in the East Bay DSA and declare their own slate victorious without even counting the votes, if they do not resort to ballot box-stuffing, intimidation, or even violence.

Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, believes in a “progress” that must be legitimized by its “popularity”, a popularity they get to define in terms of the views shaped the organs of bourgeois media in the service of imperialism, when they are not simply declaring themselves popular through these same channels without any regard to the masses themselves! Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, want to have Sanders’s petty bourgeois progressivism on their own terms, without even Sanders’s own bold stances against Wall Street in the legal electoral sphere!

Jeremy Gong can tell everyone who will listen that he aspires to be Bernie Sanders all he likes, but we were on the Sanders campaign trail working to push it further while defending its positive qualities against the enemy. If Jeremy Gong had been there, which he wasn’t, he would’ve been one of those “helpful” Clinton supporters telling Sanders and his supporters to “be realistic”, every single step of the way!

A vote for Jeremy Gong or anyone in his “Bread and Roses” clique is a vote for Hillary Clinton, not Bernie Sanders. If the masses in the East Bay DSA really want to carry Sanders’s progressive message of fighting Wall Street rule forward, they will not only vote for Working-Class Unity and Power on April 29th, they will arrive early and united, prepared for any treachery and trickery Jeremy Gong has planned! Not only with our votes, with our voices and our actions, we must show Jeremy Gong what Working-Class Unity and Power is!

Contact us at: Boxholder
607 Boylston St. Lower Level Box 464
Boston, MA 02116 USA

Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong is Adolf Hitler
by Worker’s Spatula Representative

With all due respect for Brother Ray and the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA, the only US ICOR affiliate and most heroic Marxist-Leninist voice in that country, we must disagree. We have been speaking extensively to our correspondents in the East Bay, and it is clear to us that Jeremy Gong is not a DSA local equivalent to Hillary Clinton, but to Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler!

Hillary Clinton, while she does not care at all for the poor, the oppressed, or revolutionaries, and indeed, like all bourgeois imperialist stooges, actively aids in undermining our struggle, is not a reflection of any particular stage of the crisis. There have been Hillary Clintons for decades, and there will be Hillary Clintons for years to come.

Jeremy Gong, however, connects himself to the crisis for the same objective and subjective reasons as all fascists: he seeks to subvert the rising socialist movement in the crisis and replace it with a form of “struggle” conducive to the interests of capital. Replacing class struggle with a meaningless “socialism” which actively harms the oppressed, Jeremy Gong’s brand of “socialism” is about as meaningful as the “national socialism” espoused by the Nazi party.

Jeremy Gong and his clique want to use underhanded means to sweep aside the communists and all revolutionaries, so he can rise to power as a champion of the petty bourgeoisie, the labour aristocracy, and the most opportunistic elements of the lumpenproletariat. His brand of “socialism” will bring nothing but misery to the oppressed nationalities of the imperialist United States, whose neighbourhoods will be filled with jackbooted fascist police forces at his beck and call, whose terror will be used to keep them in line, while communists are disappeared in the middle of the night for resisting his regime.

Our correspondents in the East Bay have begun sleeping in shifts, watching the windows of their living spaces with a gun in their hand like Malcolm X. We cannot guarantee how long the legal space for resisting Jeremy Gong will remain open for these heroic comrades. We cannot say when they will be forced into open armed struggle against Jeremy Gong and his militias who work hand in glove with the alt-right, the police, and all other forces of fascism and imperialism.

Most of all, we fear for the safety of dear Hasan, who has so bravely and openly accepted to work with the Spatula in spite of the real danger that comes with being associated with such vocal and revolutionary critics of Jeremy Gong and all other fascists. May Allah protect our Anatolian angel in Oakland on Sunday.

We are now counting the hours until the East Bay DSA Steering Committee election. We hope for a sound and peaceful victory for the Working-Class Unity and Power slate. We hope that their votes, words, and unity will overpower this narrow fascist clique who have seized control of the East Bay DSA. But make no mistake: we fully expect that these fascists will not only steal this election, but will silence our people using every violent tool at their disposal.

Remain ever vigilant! Jeremy Gong and all fascists must not be allowed in our midst! Vote Hasan! ¡No pasarán!

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Humourless Marxist Reviews: Worker’s Spatula


What follows is a Humourless Marxist Review that was originally to be published on Worker’s Spatula – Marxist-Leninist prior to the faction’s reunification with Worker’s Spatula, in which WS–ML reviewed the page from which they had split in terms of our perceived shortcomings. It has been edited so as to not be in ALL CAPS.

Worker’s Spatula is a pompous rag for pseudo-revolutionaries which attempts to cover up its total lack of meaningful intervention into practical politics with a series of jokes so juvenile that even here in Australia they seem a bit insulting to the level of intellectual discourse we expect.

Even where the writers can excuse this total waste of time of a website by making reference to their own political work outside of it, they’re powerless to deny that the overwhelming majority of their readership practise a masturbatory political apathy fueled by depression-anxiety which Worker’s Spatula enable by providing them content with which to obscure their own objective distance from the proletariat and organised politics as such.

Particularly in the US, where most of their readers are.

The page used to do exclusively satire pieces, which, particularly when Australian writers were involved, were occasionally funny. Now they’re trying to reinvent themselves as some sort of lighthearted “platform”, so they don’t even have to make proper jokes anymore. They just write whatever’s on their bloody minds in between classes!

The worst of all their stupid ideas would have to be their “Humourless Marxist Reviews”, which in addition to not being proper satire, couldn’t even really pretend to refer to politics at all. Contrary to what the name implies, they were just stupid jokes about media they hadn’t always even reviewed. These were also the pieces where the “Marxist” analysis was at its thinnest as well. Hopefully they’ll cut that out now that we’ve called them out for it.

They’ve also gone soft on anarchists and Trots lately, particularly since so few of the writers are still in Turkey, the homeland of Marxism-Leninism.

It’s also extremely repetitive. Oh, another piece about your depression, [REDACTED]? Couldn’t have seen that coming. Oh, you’re going to write about the DSA, better mention how the ROL is in charge of it, particularly the Boston branch, for the thousandth time! Oh, another joke about Trump being a communist who’s trying to delegitimise bourgeois democracy and US imperialism and “accelerate the contradictions”? PICK A NEW FUCKING JOKE, YOU HACKS.

Hey, here’s a joke for you: what’s the US equivalent of RaFFWU, the fighting trade union for fast food workers here in Australia? You’d never know from reading Worker’s Spatula, a site with mostly US readers named after the fact that its founders all worked in fast food at some point in their lives, although clearly not any single one of their writers based in the US at present!

All in all, you can see why we left. The only Marxist publication in the English language which has less potential to meaningfully raise up the general theoretical level of internet Marxists and offer an inventive new way to practically intervene in the organising of the next generation of revolutionaries… is all of them.

Give it up now, you cunts.

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#SaveEBDSA: On Leadership and the Masses, or: Fuck Jeremy Gong pt. II


On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers:

As everyone knows, Jeremy Gong wrote a shitty excuse piece for Medium about trading his soul to the Devil at the crossroads in exchange for being anointed Messiah of the Mass Socialist Movement to Come™. It was garbage and should be thrown out, but we cannot avoid responding to it before the election on April 29th, when, God willing, Jeremy Gong and his Bread and Roses clique will be cast out from the East Bay DSA Steering Committee by the revolutionary masses as Satan was cast “as a profane thing from the mountain of God” by God Almighty [Ezekiel 28:16], amen.

Damn thee, Satan! We rebuke thee and all of thy works! Thou art naught but the Antichrist, a liar, profaner of the DSA! May a healing fire sweep through the DSA and free us from thee and all of thy wicked followers, amen!


Without further ado, behold how Jeremy Gong deceives the people:

On the one hand are those of us who are tired of both the useless compromise politics of the liberal center and the dead-end wheel-spinning of the activist left.

Here Jeremy Gong positions himself and his gaggle of shits as the only meaningful alternative both to self-congratulatory politics which do not connect to practical results for the masses, and the “compromise” politics which actually likewise produces no practical results for the masses. They are part of the totality of idealist “left” opposition to bourgeois politics in the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa, eschewing material progress either by selling it out in exchange for bright lights or by disengaging from it in favour of feeling like a hip part of an elite club.

How are the Bread and Roses slate different from this? Well, in the first instance, because they do share some proposals for meaningful progress, namely, the Medicare For All campaign which is the fig leaf for their treachery.

Gong is particularly fond of routinely connecting this and his own personage to Bernie Sanders, who himself is known for being the target of near endless criticisms from the revolutionary left. But there are serious differences between Sanders and Gong, particularly with regard to claims to being “democratic” and “socialist”. Sanders stands for a shift to the left of the Democratic Party. Whatever our readers feel about this particular project, this means he is for more “socialism” in this party, which itself represents more “democratic” accountability to the Democratic Party’s base, who, since 2008, increasingly openly detest Wall Street rule.

By contrast, Gong stands for a shift back to the right of the DSA, for less “socialism”, as it were. From putting the brake on the brakelights campaign, to standing against the righteous reformist demand for police abolition popular in the local and endorsed at the “national”* level (very “democratic”!), Jeremy Gong and his frankly unpleasant friends stand for “one step forward” (in the form of the Medicare For All campaign) in order to legitimise as many steps back as possible.

And for all Gong’s attempts to link himself to Sanders’s “mass” “democratic” approach to “socialism”, how democratically minded is he? For all of our criticisms of Sanders, he is occasionally receptive to criticism, and will backpedal, with or without self-criticism. Charged with being soft on Israel, he refused to meet with AIPAC. Charged with not knowing how to engage with Black Lives Matter and Afro-Americans more broadly, he used the slogan “Black Lives Matter” during the debates with Clinton and travelled to Jackson, Mississippi, where Cooperation Jackson and the masses continue their ongoing struggles, and where he was well-received by the masses.

Jeremy Gong stands aloof from the masses and responds to criticism with defensive posturing about how he already represents the masses (because he says so!), instead of apologising to those he insults, he admits he has been offensive, before changing the subject as quickly as possible, and instead of acknowledging his complicity in racism and indeed reifying patronising views of the oppressed within an organisation opposed in word to oppression, he evades the point entirely and attempts to curry sympathy with reference to his disability.

All of this is to say: while Jeremy Gong is doing all this, he wants you to know that the “other” path must be the “middle path” between open opportunism (when Gong’s open opportunism and careerism are well-known) and sectarian “activism”. Given his assessment in the rest of the piece, it is already known that he ascribes to all of those who disagree with him identity with the latter trend. Not only on behalf of Spatula correspondents working within the DSA, but on behalf of the entire left wing of the DSA, we reject this in the strongest terms: our extreme willingness to compromise in order to achieve real results has been demonstrated again and again, and it is the Gongite clique’s unwillingness to allow for a democratic discussion within the East Bay DSA which prevents the many principled “left” elements of the East Bay DSA from demonstrating the falsehood of the blanket claims Jeremy Gong makes against his opponents in this slanderous hit piece, this FAKE NEWS.

Let’s read on:

these workers are part of a nascent working-class movement is making history across impoverished, austerity-wracked “red” states.

Literally nobody is opposed to these strikes and Jeremy Gong must know it, and he must likewise know that he and his hand-wringing crypto-liberal pseudo-socialist cronies cannot claim these strikes as their sole property, or as only possible through a DSA under their control. What we defend is not selling out all other struggles in the service of tailing the worst caricature of “red” state white workers. What we defend is raising high the banner of all poor and oppressed, not only those who are already in a relatively strong position with regard to established legal politics. The only principled stance is to try to unite such workers with all other poor and oppressed on the basis of their unity and not on the basis of chauvinistic dismissal! However difficult Jeremy Gong imagines this goal to be is irrelevant: history has shown how quickly such “socialists” are co-opted by the fascist movement.

Quite apart from this general picture, Jeremy Gong does not live in or organise in such an “austerity-wracked ‘red’ state”. He lives in the East Bay, where, as we all know, one is able to articulate ideas FAR to the left of the US average and still be taken seriously. What’s more, he lives in Oakland, a city where it is nakedly obvious to any but the most oblivious or right-wing resident that the evils of capitalism are to be seen particularly in the victims of gentrification and police violence, whom Jeremy Gong seems only willing to stand up for on the terms of total congruence with the needs of the relatively privileged sectors of Oakland society. He is like the “cool” “local” roommate the tech bros keep around, almost as a pet, at reduced rent. Where is the platform of socialists that speaks uncomfortable truths to that Oakland? Nowhere near the clean lips of Jeremy Gong!

Why should a “leader” in the most mainstream socialist organisation in the US demand that this organisation in this social context move to the right of the US average for this same organisation? Because he is a shameful wrecker bent on holding back the righteous anger of the youth, of the poor, of the oppressed, returning them to subservience to their Wall Street masters, no matter his words to the contrary! He can trot out Frances Reade’s “disillusionment” with the Democratic Party, but Frances Reade and Jeremy Gong owe the downtrodden masses of Oakland a reason to not be “disillusioned” with empty white saviourism, which they seem to think is only possible by not helping fix brakelights or otherwise organically connecting to the needs and struggles of the actual toiling classes!

Jeremy Gong then inspires us with a quote from his insipid faction’s tepid analysis document:

To build the power of the working class today, East Bay DSA should pursue mass action as our strategic orientation. This means gearing our activities toward the diverse working-class majority not yet in DSA — through canvassing, demonstrations, town halls, rank-and-file unionism, independent media, and more — and bringing them into open conflict with landlords, bosses, and their political functionaries.

Notice that this liar and deceiver’s idea of “mass action” only works when he controls the action of the mass. He can say:

We are a “big tent” organization and a democracy, meaning there is no party line we must adhere to, no cabal of leaders deciding our direction.

But the moment something slips even slightly out of his comfort zone, something runs contrary to the decided “direction” of the “party line” of his little “cabal of leaders”, like the completely legal brakelights campaign, or the popular police abolition platform, he patronisingly speaks for communities with which he has no contact, he shuts down all debate within the branch (so much for “independent media” if it’s independent of Jeremy Gong!), and ensures that no one can question the Gospel of Gong. He behaves, despite all pretense, like the Democratic National Convention, or Bob Avakian! Democratic in word, dictatorial in deed! Democratic in form, the form of the election which the Democratic Party already practises, dictatorial in essence!

But there’s one thing that the villain Jeremy Gong did not count on: Worker’s Spatula, the official press organ of the revolution, who have been gathering our forces in the East Bay for over a year and will now fight tooth and nail to expose this wrecker activity and liberate the East Bay DSA for the good of the progress of the revolution of all the poor and oppressed!

We will stand together with whatever forces are building such a real movement among the revolutionary masses, organising everyday life in all spheres on the terms of the needs of the people, led by them and leading them, not patronisingly passing down bureaucratic dictats to the people on what is and what is not democratic and what is and what is not socialism in the eyes of their natural-born saviour!

What does Jeremy Gong have to say about such a line, that he calls “The Inward DSA” (when it is his “outward” clique who will not face outward to the masses, and who turn inward to their inner circle at the slightest conflict)? Let us turn back to the document signed in his name, which was doubtless written by someone at Jacobin or some other Kautskyite, as evidenced by his complete lack of ability to respond to Worker’s Spatula’s rightful public critiques of his reactionary line. First Jeremy Gong points a finger of blame unrelated to the actual political line at the Boston DSA:

Friday afternoon, a Boston DSAer’s Twitter account published links and a series of screenshots showing private documents for the Bread & Roses slate written by me and some other East Bay DSA comrades marked in bold, Not for circulation — do not share. Because we are organizers, we had a Google Drive full of organizing documents, tools, and spreadsheets.

The Boston DSA are known to be mostly controlled by US ICOR affiliate ROL at this point. Those of us who have met Ray know that he would never let such unscrupulous and undisciplined behaviour go uncriticised, and the lack of any public self-criticism by the Boston DSA therefore stands more or less as proof of the falsehood of these claims. But nonetheless, let’s hear more of Gong’s sob story:

How these documents were accessed by strangers isn’t totally clear, but the intention of the people who did it is: they seek to intimidate members of DSA from engaging in the most basic democratic organizing within our organization and to give us all the sense that even in pursuing ordinary political goals in a political organization, we are subject to a climate of hostile surveillance and attacks

Oh, saints preserve us! You would think that Jeremy Gong was not himself intimidating, harassing, and silencing all of his critics on any subject up to this point. The way he sanctimoniously condemns this leak as contrary to “the most basic democratic organizing” and “a climate of hostile surveillance and attacks”, you would think he was living under the equivalent of the fascist rule of the Turkish AKP (whose rhetoric is indistinguishable from Jeremy Gong’s in any way, particularly due to their shared hatred of the Kurdish liberation movement). But to give Gong his due, such a theft of documents would be very difficult to justify and defend. If it had happened.

If Jeremy Gong, dictator of the East Bay DSA, were not controlling his local with the iron fist of Erdoğan himself, everyone would have already read the real story behind this “theft”. For those curious, it can be read here, but the short version is that the documents were publicly accessible when they were sent out together with the claim that the DSA stands only for Jeremy Gong’s re-election. There was no hacking, there was no theft, Jeremy Gong simply sends out mass e-mails with his horrific politics in them, and when he includes more than he likes and discovers he’s not as popular as he imagines, he cries foul for public criticisms.

We could go on, but we have other things to do on a Tuesday night. We repeat again our support for the Working-Class Unity and Power slate in the upcoming April 29th elections, to which we hope all of you bring a spatula, and our hope that Hasan will be elected and Jeremy Gong will not, and further pray to Jesus, who is the Christ, that the entire Bread and Roses slate will not only go unelected, but will be made to answer for their crimes against the DSA, the poor, the oppressed, the youth, humanity, and God.

If this does not happen, it’s patently obvious why. As the Spatula has now intervened to expose Jeremy Gong as the servant of darkness which he is to the entire East Bay DSA, any real democratic process would quickly right the wrong of the Bread and Roses clique’s undemocratic dominance of the East Bay DSA, and subsequently all internal East Bay DSA channels would be democratised. If this does not happen, it can only be because the April 29th election was rigged, or Jeremy Gong uses his known connections to the Oakland Police Department to silence his critics within the Spatula and the East Bay DSA. We cannot allow this to happen. Jeremy Gong must be stopped by any means necessary.

Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

*Here we must, as always, register our displeasure with reference to pan-US activities being referred to as “national”. The United States of AmeriKKKa is a multinational imperialist state, composed not only of the formally legally recognised indigenous nations and nationalities still yearning for freedom and decolonisation, but also an oppressed Afro-American nation separate from the oppressor Yankee nation who are all Jeremy Gong and his racist cohorts can see. This point is pertinent to be raised even among our fellow travellers in the Working-Class Unity and Power slate, who have not yet accepted the importance of explicit and open support for national liberation for the Afro-American nation including land and popular political power in the Black Belt South, although the “national” DSA Twitter account referred to support for “the right to self determination like MXGM’s Jackson Plan”, so we are hopeful for such developments in the future.

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On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers:

We must begin by responding to the lies and the slander: Firstly, Hasan is not a member of Worker’s Spatula at any level, and is not responsible for anything that we write. Our only connection is an ongoing correspondence between some of our more open affiliates and Hasan which has resulted in our support for Hasan’s righteous campaign for East Bay DSA Steering Committee. We believe in Hasan’s sincerity (perhaps more than Hasan does!) in the struggle against the reformists and scoundrels who currently control the Steering Committee of the East Bay DSA, and we hope that Hasan likewise recognises our comradely intentions.

Likewise and secondly, Worker’s Spatula is not a part of or in any way organically connected to the DSA Communist Caucus, nor is the latter a project of Worker’s Spatula. While we have no problem continuing to engage with the DSA Communist Caucus on the basis of comradely criticism with our shared goal of rebuilding the communist movement in the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa, Worker’s Spatula has never had and will never, barring massive changes to Worker’s Spatula’s concrete position in the world, have organic connections to any particular DSA caucus.

The closest to organic connections to any political organisation as such Worker’s Spatula has ever had is that the entire central committee consists of individuals who are subservient to anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninist organisations.

We continue to appeal to all comrades around the world who, upon familiarising themselves with the Spatular line, feel close to us, to be in touch about real-world political campaigns, but this will not be a relationship in which either side is subservient to the other, and therefore will be one that can end at any time that serious disagreements emerge between the various camps.


The ad hoc committee which has formed to write the draft of this letter which is to be edited by and published through the usual editorial channels are ALL from the San Francisco Bay Area. We shed tears when Mac Dre was shot. We have loitered at Revolution Books in Berkeley. We have blocked traffic in the middle of the intersection, trying to start up a sideshow.


We are the workers at the Nation’s, the In-N-Out, and the Jack in the Box. We remember Wet Pets San Pablo, and we know a LOT of anarchists. We went to community college and not some UC bullshit. We say “hella” hella much.


DSA Bread and Roses is none of these things. Jeremy Gong and Luke Thibault are none of these things. They do not speak for you, and they certainly do not speak for the invisible army of the poor and oppressed that is Worker’s Spatula. They have probably never even sucked a single dude’s dick to an E-40 song. They certainly don’t read ICOR press releases. In short, they can’t relate to you like we can.

There is less than one week until the April 29th DSA East Bay Convention at which the new Steering Committee will be elected. We must offer our self-criticism for the lateness of this statement, as all eyes are truly on us at this historic moment. Because we have the forces to intervene in this particular instance, we are particularly compelled to fulfill this duty, as the vanguard of the vanguard of the vanguard, and we fear that we may have done so all too late.

Nonetheless: we are rising to the occasion now, and no matter what happens with this election, our people hidden in the East Bay DSA and across the East Bay will not abandon our duty to organise and intervene in the Bay Area. We will continue to bring that pure uncut Colombian dialectical materialism to the table, and we will do whatever we can to use this lofty theoretical understanding to defend the practical needs of the poor and oppressed, for their common liberation, which is coming fucking soon, we hope.

For the next few days, however, our objective is clear: to rally all sympathetic forces within the East Bay DSA to take down the Bread and Roses clique whose dictatorial control of the East Bay DSA is now well known, whose wrecker intentions and base sectarianism have been exposed to so many in the DSA, and who are, all things considered, hecka bootsy.


All East Bay DSA members who are with us in this correct path forward are encouraged to bring a spatula to the convention as a symbol of the unity in struggle of all toiling fast food workers and all of those fighting against all forms of oppression from Istanbul to El Cerrito.

If you are a revolutionary in the East Bay and reading this and are not a member of the East Bay DSA, now is the time to join. Absolute reformist scum like Frances Reade have been allowed to seize control of this branch which could easily be the means by which revolutionaries could coordinate legal work in one of the more left-leaning parts of the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa. It is due to our collective failure that we have reached this “crossroads” where one of the paths is the path of Democratic Party apparatchiks can sheepdog young people full of hope in an area ripe for change right back into the same hackneyed pseudo-leftism which has characterised white Bay Area culture for decades.

At a time when the principled reformist demand for abolition of the police is being raised, this crypto-fascist neo-Menshevik wrecker clique, led by the cop-lover Jeremy Gong who has been harassing our correspondents in the area through his friends in the Oakland Police Department, are attempting to stand in the way of the heroic Working-Class Unity and Power slate, who, whatever their shortcomings, represent the most advanced mass development of true proletarian consciousness in the Bay Area at present.

We encourage all comrades to read the Priorities Resolution for this slate and compare its concrete grasp of the dialectical relationship between revolutionary and reformist politics to the opportunist phrasemongering espoused by the crypto-Clintonite trash and probable FBI agents in the Bread and Roses slate.

Now, it is possible that some people are reading this and thinking:

Yes, I am a revolutionary in the Bay Area, and yes, I fucking hate Jeremy Gong and all of his Bread and Roses friends who clearly don’t care about justice for Oscar Grant and who, if they even go to mosque regularly, probably go to some bullshit mosque funded by some reactionary CIA-backed regime instead of Masjidul Waritheen, like I do. But isn’t the entire DSA full of awful people like Zach McDonald? Is it even worth joining and intervening? Shouldn’t we just let them have control of the DSA?

Our dear, dear, dear misguided comrades. You are so fucking wrong and so goddamn stupid. Give your self-criticism at once. Allow us to quote Lenin speaking on “reactionary trade unions”, where you will clearly see your error and fall to your knees, tears in your eyes, begging for forgiveness from the Spatula:

We consider that contacts with the “masses” through the trade unions are not enough. In the course of our revolution, practical activities have given rise to such institutions as nonParty workers’ and peasants’ conferences, and we strive by every means to support, develop and extend this institution in order to be able to observe the temper of the masses, come closer to them, meet their requirements, promote the best among them to state posts, etc.


We cannot but regard as equally ridiculous and childish nonsense the pompous, very learned, and frightfully revolutionary disquisitions of the German Lefts to the effect that Communists cannot and should not work in reactionary trade unions, that it is permissible to turn down such work, that it is necessary to withdraw from the trade unions and create a brand-new and immaculate “Workers’ Union” invented by very pleasant (and, probably, for the most part very youthful) Communists, etc., etc.


We can (and must) begin to build socialism, not with abstract human material, or with human material specially prepared by us, but with the human material bequeathed to us by capitalism. True, that is no easy matter, but no other approach to this task is serious enough to warrant discussion.

Lenin is watching you from heaven! He wants you to do the right thing! ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING.

Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

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We concluded the final day of our Newroz celebrations, the Nature Day, in the forests of Liechtenstein where our guerrilla war against the fascist Liechtenstein authorities continues.


The rest of our former Worker’s Spatula comrades continue to accuse us of adventurism for confronting Liechtenstein imperialism so directly. But what choice do we have under this conditions???


The capitalist-imperialist-fascist world system of which Liechtenstein is the head of will not give way to socialism and communism without the vanguard struggle. If it does not fall, however, the end of capitalism is still assured: Climate Change is destroying our planet every day. Even if economic crisis is not inevitable in capitalism, even if war is not inevitable in the imperialist system, even if our beloved masses in Turkey and Kurdistan is not crying out for liberation from the violence of the fascist who imperialism funds; this system must be made one with the ground for the good of the future of the planet.

The profit motive is to the exclusion of human need, and it is driving the humanity to destroy itself through the climate change. The soil is poisoned by the greed of capitalism.

And who is to blame for this system? Nobody but Liechtenstein. If we defeat Liechtenstein right here in their own fascist country, all the other reactionary will be weakened, humanity will have a real chance to defeat capitalism, bury it in the soil for it to grow rich again and green with a new civilisation.

Humanity has such a FUTURE is possible. Imagine glorious garden cities ruled by popular committees. The communist future can be where the internet is in the hands of the people and allows for economic coordination across continents while you are at home in your own community. You can breathe. You can breathe the clean air and breathe in the society which does not alienate you. You can eat the vegan feasts of communism and drink the clean water of sisterhood and brotherhood.

This is why we fight. We do not hold the gun because we oppose life. We shoot at the Liechtensteiner enemy and its servant because their life is our death. We will give birth to a new future of life and love where there is no gender and no race, where every culture exists in its own organic environment and equality with other. Look to the sky and see in the blue the sky which is the flag of your victory.

Child you were not born to hate, destroy the system which lies to you, tear down its walls and unite with the future which is your birthright.


We are no anarchist or the primitivists. The past is poison and reaction. We are Marxists. The history of your civilisation is of humanity reaching for freedom but confused. Always held back by the patriarchy and the class which have always shackled us like slaves. Free all the slaves. Shoot all the slave-masters until we are all free. Shoot the slave-master in your mind. Free the slave in the slave-master.

Become a human who who stands on the ruins of this broken history, give birth to the humanity that all of it is stand on this ruins. Heal the wounds of the woman who was abused and the child who was beaten for speaking the wrong tongue. Wipe the browsweat from the sweaty brow of the tired worker. Free them all and bring them home.

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!

Victory or death!

–Worker’s Spatula Anti-Liechtenstein People’s Liberation Guerrilla Army-Front (Party Organising Unit Committee)