BERLIN – Die Linke has released a press statement explaining their longstanding support for the German bourgeoisie as an internationalist tactical line. “As Lenin teaches us, there are inter-imperialist contradictions, and we’re trying to maintain the strength of the German bourgeoisie as a bulwark against the UK, the US, Russia, etc., giving our comrades around the world more imperialist powers between which to navigate.” CPUSA is expected to release a comparable statement in the coming days.
LOS ANGELES – At a “Red Guards” meeting of the Maoist NCP-LC earlier this week, a member is reported to have said that Cambodian leader Pol Pot was “probably the best Maoist who ever lived,” resulting in his being taken out back and thoroughly beaten. This follows news of an inter-NCP-LC beating in the Bronx where a new comrade reportedly defended Ho Chi Minh over Mao Zedong. No word from NCP-LC as yet on whether or not a defence of Lin Biao is beating-worthy, but analysts advise against it, on the grounds that “that’s the LLCO’s guy.”
OTTAWA – The NDP announced their “critical support” for all leftist organisations in Canada offering the NDP critical support. Analysts almost universally agreed that the RCP-PCR, CPC-PCC, and CPC(ML) had made a huge mistake by not backing the NDP the way that the Canadian IST affiliate International Socialists did, as the latter will surely now be able to build a worker’s state out of Canada and “the Stalinists” will be left far behind.
PARIS – In a heated confrontation at a demonstration yesterday, members of the PCOF nearly came to blows with members of the sole ICU organisation Lutte Ouvrière after the latter refused to apologise to the Hoxhaite party for Trotsky’s betrayal of Stalin. The PCOF has stated that it “firmly believes all the bad blood can be put behind us if only the Trotskyites would confess to and apologise for their crimes.”
LONDON – David Cameron fucked a pig, apparently.