Leninism or Liechtensteinism?

BankFrick

The question “Leninism or Liechtensteinism?” might seem absurd to ask now, almost two decades into the 21st century, since such an ideological debate might, at first glance, appear to be a horse long since beaten to death in a harsh display of animal cruelty that will hopefully cause currently non-vegan readers to consider veganism. Innumerable tracts and books have already been written on the subject, and Leninism appears to have lost the Cold War to Liechtenstein. Accordingly, many might assume that, in 2018, there is simply not reason to even consider the role that Liechtenstein or Leninism play in the world-system, let alone what relationship they have to one another.

This would be a grave mistake, like reading Althusser, or speaking to anyone who reads Althusser. Liechtenstein and Liechtensteinism are alive and well, and a real threat to Leninism, the revolutionary ideology which, grasped properly, can guide us to the liberation of all humanity.

For this reason, Worker’s Spatula are dedicating considerable resources, including human resources, to fighting the scourge of Liechtenstein. We do this in concrete practice, on the front lines with our guerrilla forces in Sevelen and Feldkirch, who have long been a thorn in the side of the Liechtenstein authorities with their daring cross-border raids in which cattle and sheep are confiscated and anti-Hans-Adam II graffiti is left on the walls of Ch. Gerster AG and FL Logistik and other such shitty little Liechtensteiner businesses which are the cogs in the Liechtensteiner imperialist machine.

But as history has shown so many times, armed struggle is nothing without thorough theoretical-ideological struggle. In that vein, we must continue the fight against Liechtensteinism in all its forms, in the socialist movement and around the world!

What is Liechtenstein?

Strangled by Catholic conservatism, Liechtenstein is the sort of country where women only received the right to vote in 1984. This, however, matters little, as voting rights in Liechtenstein are very close to meaningless, with almost all elected officials being hand-selected by the Liechtenstein royal family, who get the first and last say in all foreign and domestic policy in the first place, a role that goes largely unquestioned by the petty bourgeoisie and labour aristocracy of Liechtenstein because they are bought off by the vast riches expropriated by Liechtensteiner imperialism, the most powerful imperialism in the world in terms of soft and hard power. Liechtenstein has military bases all over the world disguised as “US bases” or “Chinese bases”, no one should be fooled: Liechtenstein is playing all imperialist powers off of each other for their own gains as the chief imperialist power in the world.

In addition to being the head of global imperialism, the sinister banking capital which holds the puppet strings of the capitalist world-system, Liechtenstein is also the last bastion of pure, unapologetic Nazism in the German-speaking world. Where other German-speaking countries at least formally apologise for the crimes of the Nazi era, Liechtenstein proudly displays statues honouring Russian Nazi soldiers who they protected from communist justice. From primary school onwards, every Liechtensteiner child is taught that Adolf Hitler was a great leader (almost as great as their own Führer, Hans-Adam II), and that the Holocaust was justified because it was very profitable for their banking system, and of course for the royal family headed by the tyrant Hans-Adam II.

The Liechtensteiner royal family’s crimes are almost too numerous to list. South Africa, Namibia, the Congo: almost every horrific colonial crime against Africa was carried out with the open monetary support and covert military support of Liechtenstein’s bloodthirsty ruling family, who in most cases ordered these crimes to be carried out to protect their profits. The Zionist colonisation of Palestine, the Holocaust, the creation of the CIA, all of these and more were carried out under the watchful eye of agents of the Liechtensteiner royal family. None of these have been apologised for or even acknowledged by the fascist Hans-Adam II.

Few people realise this, but the market fundamentalist Ayn Rand spent the last few years of her life in abject poverty, having been abandoned by almost all of her wealthy reactionary friends. In her hour of need, the Liechtensteiner royal family subsidised all her living expenses to make sure that the “philosopher of Liechtenstein ideology” was cared for. It should therefore come as little surprise that Liechtenstein was behind the creation of Bitcoin, not only for its banking potential, but also because it wastes all that energy on Bitcoin mining, which is bad for the environment and stuff.

What are some manifestations of Liechtensteinism?

Astute readers may have noticed that no other Marxist publication dares speak out against Liechtenstein’s crimes as boldly as we at Worker’s Spatula do. This is no coincidence. Almost all so-called “Marxists” around the world are revisionist agents of Liechtenstein themselves, and the rest cower in fear at the idea of provoking Liechtenstein’s wrath. Stefan Engel personally entrusted Worker’s Spatula with the task of exposing Liechtenstein to the world on behalf of ICOR. This piece is but one example of our efforts in this field.

Liechtenstein does not merely attempt to muzzle the communists from speaking out against them, it actively seeks to reshape “Marxism” in its own image. This trend may be termed “Liechtensteinism”, and examples of it are many. The easiest place to start is in Liechtenstein itself, with the scoundrel Pepo Frick, a member of the family behind the Liechtenstein bank carrying out direct investment in the cryptocurrencies personally pioneered and promoted by Hans-Adam II, including Bitcoin.

Despite his ‘leftist’ posturing, Pepo Frick is entirely uncritical of Liechtenstein’s retrograde monarchy, fascist apologetics, imperialist reach, and capitalism itself. His group, the so-called “Free List” stands for nothing more than the strengthening of the Liechtensteiner state on “social” grounds, a revisionist stance if ever there was one!

But this revisionist line, that socialism is statism and socialism simply means “more state” (indeed more of the bourgeois state!), is by no means limited to Liechtenstein itself. Recently declassified documents reveal that Liechtenstein intelligence agents were behind the confusion during the late Cultural Revolution era in China which led to the rise of the arch-revisionist Deng Xiaoping to power in that country, resulting in the restoration of capitalism we witness today.

The fact that thousands of revisionists around the world defend Chinese “socialism” as socialism is in fact proof of how numerous the agents of Liechtenstein are, even within our movement! Although they pose themselves as “for the state against the market” in opposition to the ideology of Ayn Rand and Liechtenstein which is “for the market against the state”, they are all of them objective agents of the bourgeois state and defenders of the market, whether in Liechtenstein or China!

How can Liechtenstein and Liechtensteinism be combatted?

In addition to joining the campaign of sabotage being carried out from the border areas of Austria and Switzerland, guided by our comrades of the Revolutionary Organisation of Liechtenstein (operating from within the belly of the beast!), there are many things comrades around the world can do to contribute to this struggle.

Firstly, you can rededicate yourselves to the study of Marxist-Leninist theory, so as to be able to sharply demarcate between yourself and the Trojan horse within our movement: revisionist Liechtensteinism.

Secondly, you can expose all enemies of the people, all reactionaries and fascists, all imperialists and chauvinists, in short, all oppressors as agents of Liechtensteiner imperialism. Do not allow Liechtenstein to hide their crimes around the world! From Palestine to Kashmir to Greece to Australia, not a single political crime against the poor and oppressed without the bloody fingerprints of Liechtenstein being found at the scene!

Consequently, you must unite all toilers, all oppressed, all workers, all strugglers in every field of struggle in defence of each of their liberation and their common liberation. Unity of the poor and oppressed in struggle is the single greatest fear of Liechtensteiner imperialism, and together the masses of toiling humanity can bring Liechtenstein to its knees!

Liechtenstein must be destroyed! Death to Pepo Frick!

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!

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US Democrats Reconcile with History: Apologise for la Guerra Sucia

JKIII

BOSTON – Liberals across the United States are ecstatic about the speech given by Joe Kennedy III, not only for his bold stance against Donald Trump, but also because many analysts are hailing it as evidence that the momentum started by Bernie Sanders is finally bearing fruit, with the Democratic Party moving firmly to the left and reconciling with the US’s dark Cold War history.

“A lot of people have been claiming that our party stands for nothing,” explained Congressperson Kennedy in his latest speech in Boston, where several Beltway big shots, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the congressperson’s charismatic articulation of the youthful Zeitgeist in the US showed strong potential for a second Kennedy presidency soon. “Those people couldn’t be more wrong. We are a party of the 99%, we are a party of togetherness and fairness, we are the party of great Americans like Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Hillary Clinton.”

“A lot of people talk about making America great again. But those people have got to talk about what’s gone wrong in America in the first place!” shouted Kennedy to cheers from youthful supporters, taken with his handsome Kennedy face. “There’s a dark chapter in US history, where we let down the international community and our most deeply cherished values, and the current administration has done nothing to make this right!” exclaimed Kennedy, pounding his fist on the podium for emphasis.

“I’m referring of course, to the Dirty War in Argentina, and our other crimes against our Latin American neighbours during the Cold War. Oh, it was a dirty war indeed, my fellow Americans. Dirty because of the damage to the environment done by the bullets used to clean up the terrorists of the ERP. Dirty because of their filthy blood which dirtied the beautiful streets of Buenos Aires and the clean soil of Tucumán. And dirty because of the pollution of the ocean and air that resulted from Pinochet’s having to fly all those reds out in helicopters on the death flights.

“You want to make America great again? Let’s commit to our environment, and to a green, sustainable CIA! This is what the Democrats stand for! Let’s make it happen, America!”

The Boston DSA, which is widely suspected of having been converted into a front for the clandestine US ICOR affiliate ROL, were found protesting outside the venue distributing flyers with the following statement:

The workers and oppressed nationalities of the US shouldn’t be fooled by the Wall Street stooge Joe Kennedy, with his fake environmentalism and his fake overtures to Black Lives Matter. If Black lives are going to matter, to really matter, then we all have to strengthen the fight for the liberation of the oppressed Afro-American people by uniting their struggle with the other peoples oppressed by imperialism around the world. And that means first and foremost their brothers and sisters in Latin America! Black lives SHOULD matter, and they should matter just as the lives of Argentinians and Chileans should matter.

As our comrades in the PTP said to us at the last joint meeting of democratic socialists in the Americas, while addressing the fascist dictatorship which killed so many of their people in the years to which Joe Kennedy III refers: “We see no difference in the deaths of our bright Argentine youth disappeared by the fascist junta and those of the Afro-American youth being cut down in their prime in North America by the police of the great imperialist states. Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!”

That’s the spirit of proletarian internationalism that real democratic socialists like us or the PTP bring to the table. The workers and oppressed nationalities of the United States shouldn’t be hoodwinked by Kennedy’s flowery words! The real enemy is at home!

The local chapter of the CPUSA, for its part, were available for comment at the request of Worker’s Spatula. A suitably elderly man greeted us at the appointed meeting point in the Boston Commons:

“Sure we understand why the DSA kids don’t like Kennedy, they’re young and angry, full of fire. I like that. But the thing is, you’ve got to be wicked smart if you want to beat someone like Trump. You gotta let things go like the Cold War, or being able to pay for college, or whatever.

“It’s ultra-leftism to criticise Kennedy just because he wants to suppress and silence us and everyone like us, forever, and maintain every aspect of the status quo that we criticise. Because, if you think about it, he might run for president, and do you want Trump to win?

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Point/Counterpoint: Trotskyism

Trotskyism

Point: You’re a Trot!

by Communist Party of Australia Representative

Dear fucking God. I thought I had seen some Trots in my day, but this is a bridge too far: how dare you disagree with me, you fucking Trot! Only a Trot would question China’s socialism, only a Trot would imply something was wrong with the Soviet Union, and only a Trot would tell me to ‘read my Marx’! I know a Trot when I see one, you bastard, and you’re a fucking Trot!

We’ve had it up to here with Trots in Australia, and I can’t believe I’m wasting some of my precious time here in Germany, the land of Bertolt Brecht, heroic killer of Trots, talking to a Turkish Trot like you!

Off about your Trot business, you Trot!

Counterpoint: No, you’re a Trot!

by Maoist Communist Party (Turkey/North Kurdistan) Representative

You fucking Australian labour aristocrat pseudo-revolutionary! Clearly it’s YOU who is the Trot here. You are a representative of the modern revisionist Trotskyite Menshevik neo-opportunist front that must be brought down.

You aren’t struggling against fascism, you aren’t fighting in Dêsım, and Trotsky didn’t do either of those things either. Case closed, now do you have a cigarette by any chance?

Counter-counterpoint: Comrades, don’t you see who the real Trots are?

by Stefan Engel

Comrades, we all have our differences, and we should, nein, must struggle through them to reach a higher level of truth and unity. But for too long have we argued about who are the real Trots in our midst. We too have wasted precious hours attacking the DKP, but the real question is this: if Trotsky were alive today, which party would he support?

In their pseudo-radical posturing, in their empty anti-austerity politics that fail to confront the imperialist state which imposes the austerity, we all know who the real Trots are: Die Linke. Die Linke are the only Trots in our midst today.

So make haste comrades, tomorrow is for the debate, today is for the ice axes! Ice axes for Die Linke!

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Unclear if DSA Declaration of “Irony” as Highest Stage of Capitalism Itself Ironic

DSA

NEW YORK/CHICAGO – The DSA have stirred up great controversy in US left circles, still reeling from the discussions of “Marxism-Leninism-Maoism” as the “third and higher stage” of communist ideology several decades too late, with their latest declaration that capitalism itself has reached a qualitatively new stage of irony.

“If you consider Marxism primarily from the perspective of alienation, it’s actually quite obvious,” explained Michael Foreman, a Bronx native and DSA member, to our local corespondent. “Capitalism has advanced so far in terms of alienating us all that even our own internal mental processes have a clear dual audience. Commodification is so total that we can only articulate resistance to the profit motive in terms of ironic humour, even to ourselves.

“O shit waddup,” he concluded.

In the past few months, large numbers of young Marxists have joined local branches of the DSA, an organisation dedicated primarily to making the Democratic Party add “vigorous defence of the legacy of Comrade Stalin” to their Party Platform. Consequently, theoretical discussion at various branches of the DSA have become more rigorous than ever before, with the legacies of such US radical martyrs as Malcolm X, Michael Israel, and Bernie Sanders being mainstays of discussions at meetings. We spoke to Alfonso Casal, professional Malört sommelier and anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninist, about developments within the DSA in terms of theory and practice.

“Basically, it’s not untrue that our innermost psychological health is being harmed by capitalism, and that capitalism’s tendency to commodify all things has brought us to this point. The disagreement we have with the DSA is mostly over whether this process, which has been quantitatively increasing since capitalism-imperialism became globally hegemonic, has actually reached some new qualitative stage.

“There was far more merit to the discussion, very popular since the 2008 Crisis, of neoliberalism, with its basis in profit-exploitation, as a qualitatively higher stage of capitalism-imperialism. In this vein, it is our view that the DSA themselves represent a new stage of revisionism. We had the classic revisionists like Bernstein or Kautsky, and then we had the ‘modern revisionists’ of the 20th century that our ‘anti-revisionist’ Marxism-Leninism defines itself in opposition to. However, these have descended so far into revisionism that they are no longer central to our discussions as revolutionaries. In the place of CPUSA or the CPB, we are now primarily concerned with the revisionism of the DSA and Momentum.”

Asked how he perceived a coming struggle with the DSA, Casal responded: “It’s very difficult to say. Just as defectors from the CPUSA played an important role in the struggle with modern revisionism decades ago, I predict contradictions within the DSA will lead to new formations, some of whom will have ideas close to our own.

“Pretty IRONIC, don’t you think?” winked Casal, who, before an explanation could be sought, pulled out an air horn and blew it into the air multiple times. “Capitalism, more like CRAPitalism, AMIRITE?”

The ISO, despite being mentioned much further down the page than they would ever read on a website as “Stalinist” as this one, also had their own analysis of the DSA’s growth and development. We sat down with one of their representatives at Fanxi’s Famous Foods in Manhattan:

“The DSA are reformists, which presents a clear risk of Stalinist growth within their ranks. On the other hand, they call themselves democratic socialists, and we Trotskyists are the real democratic socialists, since we have always militantly defended democracy for the working class, so perhaps we’ll be able to recruit some of them or take them over from within.

“It’s difficult to say, because we always had trouble telling which of their public declarations were ironic, and their latest declaration hardly does anything to clear up that confusion.”

At time of press, the ROL.

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Erkan Baş Speech Briefly Interrupted by Splitters

Erkan

İSTANBUL/STEMBOL – As Erkan Baş, the leader of the Communist Party of Turkey (also known as HTKP), took to the stage at the International Workers’ Day celebration in Bakırköy (Kurdish: Gundê Bekir), a group of neo-Trotskyite splitters from the TKP calling themselves “KP” began jeering at TÖPG’s favourite Brezhnevite, doubtless driven by jealousy of Erkan Baş’s formidable moustache.

“This is truly unacceptable,” explained leader of the KP pack and occasional reader of Nazım Hikmet poetry Emre Tokatçı to an EMEP-affiliated* Worker’s Spatula correspondent in attendance. “We only came because we thought we were going to be the centre of attention. If anyone is going to mention any other communists in Turkey, we’re going home.”

Following the completion of this sentence, all assembled KP members indeed began marching home, to the comfort of the Nazım Hikmet Kültür Merkezi in Ali Suavi Sk. (AKA Sanatçılar Sokağı) in Kadıköy.

For our foreign readers, the NHKM is a magical place where nobody ever mentions Kurds or popular fronts or any other such right deviationist nonsense.

By sheer coincidence, this move to abandon the International Workers’ Day celebration also meant that KP avoided any confrontation with the fascist Turkish police whatsoever.

The KP’s sister party in Greece, KKE, responded immediately with a statement condemning the entire Turkish left for “failing to defend KP, at a time when the sharpest and clearest contradiction in Turkish society is the defence of Kemal Okuyan”.

The Turkish Ministry of the Interior has issued a statement encouraging all young communists who insist on wasting their time with “that nonsense” to side with KP against all rivals (whether HTKP, TKP 1920, or KP-İÖ, if they still exist). The Turkish Foreign Ministry, meanwhile, has issued a statement encouraging all foreigners to simply ignore the whole affair, and indeed, anything that is not printed in an official AKP-approved press release.

*ESP and Devrimci Parti were mostly embedded in the fight for Taksim.

News in Brief: February 1st 2017

Bidhya Devi Bhandari

KATHMANDU – A new Nepali constitution was introduced this week, which accidentally included the abolition of the institution of marriage: “I honestly cannot tell you how this happened,” said President Bidhya Devi Bhandari, when reached for comment by our Malaysian correspondent. “We’ve all been so distracted by foreign policy that I couldn’t even tell you where this latest proposal for rewriting the constitution originated. Maybe I did it? Maybe the Maoists? Somebody’s got to answer for this.”

Prime Minister Pushpa Kamal Dahal, better known as “Prachaveli”, strongly repudiated the claim in a televised interview conducted from his mansion: “I remember when the proposal first came up in parliament. It was the Trotskyites who proposed a new constitution. It’s always the Trotskyites, with their wrecking.

“I’m personally furious. What Maoist could oppose marriage, an institution in which our Chairprophet was an enthusiastic participant?”

İZMİR – Local DHKP-C cadres had a bit too much to drink last night, and announced themselves loudly as members to the police at the İZBAN, who proceeded to beat them silly, much to the horror of lookers-on.

Foreign sympathisers of the gun-wielding equivalent of the ÖDP are expected to get extremely drunk and provoke local police in solidarity. Haklılar, kazanacaklar.

17-Year-Old Building Own Cult of Personality

chaaron

CHICAGO – 17-year-old Aaron Gold, or as he has recently begun insisting his followers refer to him, “Chairman Aaron”, is hard at work creating his very own cult of personality at CICS Northtown, where he has been relatively successful at promoting a Marxist-Leninist approach to politics among his classmates.

“Today we’re celebrating Chairman Aaron’s birthday, which is also the anniversary of the beginning of dekulakisation” explained Chairman Aaron’s best friend and first recruit, Joshua Washington. “Not with a cake or whatever, that’s exactly what the kulaks would want. No, we’re going to screen a documentary I made on my laptop about the time Chairman Aaron won a debate with some old revisionist from the CPUSA.”

“Chairman Aaron is our only real teacher at this bourgeois school,” explained Sara Ahadi, who was drawn to Chairman Aaron’s ideas while seated next to him during a particularly boring maths lecture. “We were talking about Trump, and I mentioned being annoyed by these white women who are still wearing their Clinton buttons, who never joined in with Black Lives Matter. He said we should try to unite with them against this common enemy without granting them hegemony. He says that in many cases, our initial differences might be ‘subliminalated’ in a ‘populist front’, which we can use to win over some of the Meghan Trainor fans (Marxist-Leninists listen to Sia).

“My mom says he meant ‘sublated’, but Chairman Aaron says she’s a Brezhnevite, so what does she know?”

Chairman Aaron is constantly seen meeting with diverse groups of students, adopting their mannerisms and style of speech in an attempt to facilitate a more dialectical communication process. Among Jewish students, he is always to be heard mentioning his single Jewish grandparent, while also fasting for the entire month of Ramadan as part of his infiltration of Muslim student groups.

“Have y’all heard about this murder clown Michael Israel? Homeboy got killed by a Turkish airstrike while fighting ISIS with his crew, the IFB,” explained Chairman Aaron to a small huddle of juggalos in the corner of the cafeteria.

“That’s what’s up, ninja,” intoned “Axeboy”, one of three nodding juggalos at the table as they inspected Chairman Aaron’s rendering of YPJ guerrillas in clown makeup, splitting the skulls of those whack ISIS bigots.

“Exploitation, alienation, oppression, imperialism; all that shit is whack,” explained one of the juggalos, who asked that he be credited as “Homidical Nutt”. “When Chairman A gets to talkin’ ’bout the dialectic, it’s just like the Dark Carnival, yo!”

“Yo, Chairman A was telling us about this dope homeboy Stalin, from Atlanta or some shit,” chimed in “Nonprovocative Steve”, the third member of the juggalo crew. “This crazy ninja killed Hitler, that’s like the most fucked-up bigot of all time!”

“Word,” concluded “Axeboy”, as he poured his juggalo comrades and our correspondent some plastic cups full of warm, flat Faygo. “Chairman A knows everything. I’m going to tattoo his face on my shaft as the ultimate symbol of my dedication to a critical approach to all established conditions. It’s gonna stretch out when I’m thinking about contradictions and rapidly contract in the event of quantitative change effecting qualitative change.”

“Me too,” agreed the others.

TKP Name Contested Again, Zuckerberg Weighs In

howmanytkps

İSTANBUL – Following over two years of increasing distance between the originally relatively amicable split in the revisionist organisation that was at the time simply referred to as the TKP (Communist Party of Turkey), tensions have flared up between KP (Communist Party, which would usually append “Turkey”, mostly to remind Kurds that they were the anti-Kurdish group formerly known as TKP, and not the tiny Kaypakkayacı outfit known as KP-İÖ) and the HTKP (People’s Communist Party of Turkey, known for having less people), following the latter’s announcement that they would be reclaiming the name TKP for themselves.

The former HTKP have legitimised their decision to declare themselves TKP without consulting KP by stating that the latter had been engaged in secret talks with the state regarding reclaiming the name. Knowing KP, who are constantly engaged in talks with the state about how to be as against Kurdish nationalism as possible, this is indeed likely. HTKP have backed up their decision by registering themselves with a far more legitimate source: Facebook.

Zuckerberg was ambushed for comment at a local Chinese restaurant where he was enjoying his Christmas dinner: “As a Brezhnevite myself, obviously I’m deeply concerned with these developments. It is Facebook’s official position that HTKP is now the legitimate Communist Party of Turkey. Erkan Baş is a dear comrade, and I will stand with him against any force on Earth. Now can I finish my 三杯雞?”

However, other forces have aligned behind the KP, with the TKH claiming that the HTKP’s move was “opportunist”, “infantile”, and “revisionist” [Editor’s note: ???].

Reaction from Dersim, the most communist place on Earth, however, may indicate that the KP is outnumbered. DHF-affiliated “TKP” mayor Maçoğlu tweeted a multi-part reaction which said: “When I was elected communist mayor of this municipality, there was a TKP whose name we were using, and that was fine at the time. But I had since gotten used to the TKP’s split meaning that it was obvious even to İzmir kids that I was some kind of Maoist. If they’re going to fight over who gets to be the TKP, and I have to choose a side, I guess I’ll go with Erkan Baş’s side, just because of our shared top quality moustaches, and because he’s the only nice person to affiliate with ‘TKP’ in decades.”

With Hüseyin Karabulut remaining silent as of press time, no neutral arbiter could be found within the Brezhenvite camp to resolve this conundrum, and multiple voices from the associated Turkish left merely contradict one another. Worker’s Spatula, the only objective news source covering the world revolutionary movement, could not let down our loyal readers without resolving the important question as who will be the heirs to the name associated with Mustafa Suphi. Our German correspondents got a hold of Stefan Engel, who was already extremely drunk on account of all the Christmas, but managed to slur out a German saying which we are to believe was intended as a kind of Nostradamic prophecy:

“Wenn zwei sich streiten freut sich der Dritte!”

The dialectic, which reveals itself through German expressions slurred out by a drunk Stefan Engel, has therefore revealed that TKP-1920 are to be the official heirs to Mustafa Suphi’s TKP legacy. HTKP is to join TÖPG and the KP is to rename itself Vatan Partisi (Marxist-Leninist).

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world – unite! And Merry Christmas!

KKE Leaves Syriza

kke-syriza

ATHENS – Following a lengthy debate at all levels over the past four years since the declaration of Syriza as a “party”, the Brezhnevite organisation known as the KKE has finally decided to leave Syriza and consider other options of engagement with bourgeois elections:

“Obviously, at the beginning, during the protests in the squares, we just wanted to unite in principled struggle with the people, rather than standing on the sidelines and preaching insane levels of purity, including the scolding of individual protesters, like a bunch of Trotskyites. So naturally we were very close to Syriza in those days,” explained a party spokesman sporting an extremely stylish Fidel Castro shirt.

“When it came time for Syriza to take part in elections, well, since we’ve always emphasised the importance of elections on the one hand and the legacy of Stalin and Brezhnev on the other, we simply had to take part in this clear example of popular front action.

“But lately we’re starting to consider that Syriza might have outlived its usefulness, and so we’re looking into perhaps joining Popular Unity, or Antarsya, or perhaps hosting some talks about the terms of a possible electoral alliance between the two.

“Anything to move beyond the sectarianism we’ve long condemned and provide a real way forward for our beloved Greek people, for whom we would sacrifice our very lives.”

Reactions from the rest of the Greek left have been mostly negative, with Greek Prime Minister or whatever he is Alexis Tsipras condemning the action as “ultra-left deviation by our last real friends in the EU, and the group on whom all of our hopes were so strongly pinned.

“Also, Koutsoumpas’s hair looks fucking terrible. This is why I get to be in charge and nobody’s even heard of you. I look like a sexy oil wrestler’s wet dream and you look like some kind of uncle from one of those countries where uncles don’t even grow moustaches.”

From the other side, Popular Unity and Antarsya were able to unite, but only in the action of releasing a joint statement condemning the KKE’s attempts at moving closer to them:

“There will never be a place for the KKE in Popular Unity or Antarsya. Both of our principles of unity clearly state that you must believe the Soviet Union went bad when either Lenin or Stalin died. It is simply unbefitting a Greek communist organisation to be able to explain your position on the Soviet Union without reference to any specific years.

“Frankly, you’re just not dialectical enough for us.”

Like everything else the KKE does, it is expected that the anti-Kurdish hate group KP and various “parties” in English-speaking countries will fall over themselves in sharing this latest example of heroism by the last real proletarian revolutionaries in Greece, the KKE.