Humourless Marxist Reviews: lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to

lofi
Other than the fact that it’s music which you’re listening to right now, there’s another reason why Worker’s Spatula had to review “lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to”: the PKK are behind this channel.

Oh yes, the PKK. The Workers’ Party of Kurdistan, whose leader and chief theoretician is Abdullah Öcalan. That PKK.

Öcalan determined that the PKK needed to operate a lo-fi chill beats radio channel on YouTube years ago while smoking on some particularly potent ganja and thinking about how the patriarchy is the basis for stratification, exploitation, and oppression in human society. His vision was clear: a channel with some of the chillest beats for the oppressed woman who is struggling to bring down the capitalist man-state to relax to after a mission.

The channel was also designed to serve as a soundtrack for revolutionary women studying or producing theoretical works directed at undermining capitalist modernity, as depicted in the channel’s video pane in the format of an anime. While Worker’s Spatula continue to advocate a boycott of all animes produced in Japan, as the anime factories exploit the labour of Zainichi Koreans, the victims of Japanese imperialism, and profits from all animes fund the joint Japanese-Yankee occupation of Okinawa, we are assured by our Kurdish friends that the heroic young woman in this PKK propaganda channel’s video pane was drawn by guerrillas in Rojava.

Dank.

The beats themselves are very relaxing and good for controlling the anxiety which all of us experience, suffering as we do from the trauma of capitalism-imperialism, the undemocratic civilisation. Many of them have elements of traditional Japanese music over lo-fi beats, despite having been produced in Diyarbekir. Others contain samples of classic jazz and hip-hop, television clips, and the sounds of ululating Kurdish guerrilla women firing Kalashnikovs into the air as they defy the man-state in all its forms.

In addition to the anarchists who already listen to this channel when they’re high on marijuanas (as far as we understand, this is their usual state), we would also recommend this channel to the cadres of the THKP-C/MLSPB, who really need to chill the fuck out.

Best songs: “Sunday Vibes” by wünsche, “I fall in love too easily” by StackOne, “Tola Salan”

Worst song: “Piano Man” by Billy Joel

Did you enjoy this piece, or anything else on Worker’s Spatula? Then consider donating as little as one imperialist Yankee dollar a month to supporting our work!

Advertisements

Japanese Communist Party Entering its Avant-Garde Phase

shii

OSAKA – Having long since abandoned any pretence of being a Leninist vanguard communist party, the Japanese Communist Party is now apparently experimenting with being an avant-garde communist party.

“work                            ers POLITICAL. political lacitilop L A B O U R ¿ J a           pan;;;;              elect      ion,” explained Kazuo Shii [No relation. –WS Editor in Chief] in the form of a poem recited in the place of a speech at a recent rally in Osaka, performed over a soundtrack of atonal guitar playing. “WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR!”

“Peace.” he concluded.

Michiro Endo, best known as vocalist for the seminal Japanese punk act ‘The Stalin’, hailed the change in presentation by the Eurocommunist party: “I’ve been saying for years that the party needs to rebrand itself in a bid to reach more people outside the traditional sites of industrial labour organising, and I’ve also for years endorsed the mentality reflected in their new slogan: ‘Humanity is naked with naughty bits a-floppin’, we are the communists, we won’t be stoppin’.”

Yasuko Onuki, of Melt-Banana fame, also expressed her hope that members of the Japanese punk scene would embrace the creative new direction of the JCP, and was enthusiastic about the idea of personally getting involved in helping to build the rejuvenated party: “I will play benefit concerts for them, just as long as I don’t have to shake hands with any of their friends from the CPUSA. There is not enough hand sanitiser in the world for me to do that.”

The Zainichi Korean community loyal to the Workers’ Party of Korea remains suspicious of the JCP. Although a recent protest was carried out “in support of the DPRK’s right to self defence”, our correspondent in Osaka found that most local Zainichi Koreans suspect this was done sarcastically, particularly after the protesters joined together in a song whose lyrics called on the DPRK to nuke Tokyo, Posadas style.

“This is Japan, you know?” explained Ms. Kim, head of a local youth organisation for Zainichi Koreans, “Even the communists talk about ‘Japanese sovereignty’ and refuse to acknowledge that Japan is still an imperialist country. We’re not hopeful that they’ll come to their senses.”

On the other end of the national question spectrum, there are the Ryukyu republicans, who have historically been warm to the JCP’s stance on the US military presence in Okinawa. However, the turn to the surreal has cost the party dearly, as an earnest march against the military presence was interrupted by local JCP cadres throwing noodles in every direction and screaming “LENIN WAS TAIWANESE! LENIN WAS TAIWANESE!” in the faces of the protestors, in what the JCP later described as “a biting satire about colonialism in the Asia-Pacific region”.

In response to this shocking turn of events, various Trotskyist groups around the world have released statements by their sister organisations in Japan who are literally better known in English language Trotskyist publications than they are in Japan itself. The Japanese people remain blissfully ignorant of the continued existence of Trotskyism.

Humourless Marxist Reviews: Pokémon Go

Pokeymans

Pokémon, the popular Japanese game about monsters fighting each other is now coming to the iPhone, which is just a collection of words that make me, as one of the geriatric members of the central committee of the CPUSA, extremely uncomfortable. “Popular”? “Japanese”? “Fighting”? “iPhone”? Count me out!

Back in my day, when we wanted entertainment, we went outside and played in the sun, like real proletarians, but now all kids want to do is sit inside and play videogames. As long as things like Pokémon Go are around, our young people will never have the energy for the sort of revolutionary work demanded by the CPUSA!

The only Japanese thing that young people should be getting into is our sister party in Japan, the Japanese Communist Party. They’ve run lots of successful electoral campaigns and maintain a firm line against the TPP. That’s what young people should be excited about. That’s what’s really kawaii.

But no, young people want to spend their hard-earned money on the goddamned Pokémon. Don’t they realise they’re just making giant multinational corporations rich? Don’t they see they’re wasting their precious lives when they could be joining in with me and making revolution? Well, this is what happens when the social programmes get slashed, I guess.

The other day I heard my granddaughter talking about her Charmimello and its “evolutions”. What about “revolutions”, huh, Julie? Huh?

Remember when you used to hang out with Grandpa, and we’d go fishing together, and I explained to you about dialectical materialism? How come Grandpa’s not a priority now that you’ve got your fucking Japanese toys?

Young people need to put down the Pokémon Go and start thinking seriously about the future of our world. Corporations like the ones that make your precious Pokémon are destroying the world for their profits, and then where are you gonna live?

It’s the world we must defend.