THE JOINT SECURITY AREA, KOREA – In what is being billed as a heroic gesture of good will by the Clinton campaign, and a poorly thought-through intervention in the internal affairs of another country which serves to foreshadow what Clinton’s rule will be like by nearly all sections of the US Left, Clinton supporters have travelled to Korea to reunite it through the establishment of a third state claimant to legitimate authority over the Korean Peninsula.
The Somewhat Popular, Somewhat Democratic Republic of Korea (SPSDRK), colloquially to be known as “Middle Korea”, was established in the dead of night by a crack team of Clinton supporters who constructed the various government offices and military emplacements in the middle of the Korean Demilitarised Zone under fire from both DPRK and ROK troops.
One 26-year-old “Hillary for America” supporter, Lorenzo O’Hanrahan, pointed to recent polls giving his preferred candidate “an unassailable lead over Trump”: “There seem to be no outstanding political issues in the US; the common-sense candidate is prevailing. So it seemed to be our duty to travel to a part of the world where pragmatism is less evident.”
Former Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been appointed the first President of the SPSDRK. Stating that “our Korea is already the most popular Korea” and pointing out that it was “clearly the Korea with the most experience in both foreign and domestic US politics, and far more moderate than the competition,” President Schultz predicted the new Korean state would control the entire Korean Peninsula by the end of Hillary Clinton’s second term.
Former Democratic Presidential candidate and born-again Independent Bernie Sanders hailed the new state as “an example of the sort of grassroots initiative that we need to bring about real change that people crave”. He called on his “comrades in the CPC to do everything possible to work with us to help turn Middle Korea into a Scandinavian socialist democracy”.
Not to be one-upped, Donald Trump has promised that in the event of his election victory, he will run for the offices of President of the Republic of Korea and Premier of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, on a platform of “mak[ing] Korea great again”.
Unfortunately, neither government of the two longer-established states on the Korean Peninsula responded favourably to the intrusion, with the DPRK announcing a series of military exercises and ballistic missile tests, and the ROK issuing a cryptic statement warning Hillary Clinton supporters not to leave any fans switched on any time soon.
UPDATE: UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has responded to the establishment of “Middle Korea” by stating that the entire international community should stand behind what is now clearly the only option for the reunification of the Korean Peninsula. Further, he has proposed solving the Cyprus problem by handing over control of the entire island to the Turkish Orthodox Church.