US Democrats Who Won’t Shut Up About “Russian Conspiracy” Part of Liechtenstein Conspiracy

Conspiracy

WASHINGTON DC – Speaking on conditions of anonymity and that if for any reason their identity should be compromised, we would take them into a safehouse for the foreseeable future, a US State Department official revealed some shocking details about the ongoing “#RussiaGate” controversy in that country:

“Any reasonable person can see that the media and various public figures are kind of running with the idea that Russia’s behind every single controversy in the United States, without any of these necessarily making any sense. That’s not the interesting part.

“Some of us started getting suspicious around the time they declared Jill Stein was backed by the Russians. Now, it’s conceivable that Russia would want to use a third party vote to get Trump into office, but then they started talking about Sanders as part of some Russian conspiracy. Sanders would’ve beaten Trump, so that doesn’t make any sense.

“By now I’m sure you’ve heard, the DSA is Russia, #AbolishICE is Russia, Black Lives Matter, it’s all Russia, right? Now nobody can really believe all of that, can they? Is it just journalists having a bit of fun? But then why are Democrats going along with it? So I asked Senator [REDACTED], ‘do you really believe all this stuff about Black Lives Matter being paid by the Russians and so on?’, well he tells me ‘no, but I have to say it’.

“‘Why, the lobbyists?’ I asked, ‘which ones?’. Now, I could imagine all sorts of big money interests behind the Democrats want to keep steering the party as far right as they can, but no, he says, ‘certain fanatical anti-communist groups, if you know what I mean’.”

At this juncture, our informant gave our correspondent a meaningful look.

“Anyone who’s worked for the State Department for even a week knows he means Liechtenstein. I mean, you know these fucks, they still have their Nazi war criminal monument, they use their banking money to put the kibosh on anything that stinks of socialism from here to Sydney.”

[REDACTED], our top secret source at [REDACTED BOURGEOIS NEWS SOURCE], confirmed that several individuals with “German accents” had been seen going into meetings with journalists who were reporting on “RussiaGate”:

Yeah, #MeToo suddenly became Russian, every protest became Russian, I asked [REDACTED] if she felt ethical about spreading such obviously fake news, and she said ‘they offered me an all-expenses-paid trip to Vaduz for Memorial Day Weekend, what do I care if people who will vote for anyone who’s not a Republican think about some marginal left groups?’

I think it’s disgusting personally, but that’s the society we’ve been living in for some time: corporations own the media, special interests own the politicians, and when Liechtenstein says jump, everyone says ‘how high?’

It’s a shame that so many people who aren’t directly benefiting from Liechteinstein’s hush money are parroting their line, but what can you do?

Asked about the allegation that Black Lives Matter, the #MeToo movement, the Green Party, and significant sections of the Sanders campaign and the DSA (particularly the Boston branch) were all under the control of US ICOR affiliate ROL, [REDACTED] responded “well sure, but there’s no money in telling the truth, is there?”

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NATURE – FUTURE – Past

NatureFuturePast

We concluded the final day of our Newroz celebrations, the Nature Day, in the forests of Liechtenstein where our guerrilla war against the fascist Liechtenstein authorities continues.

DEATH TO LIECHTENSTEIN!

The rest of our former Worker’s Spatula comrades continue to accuse us of adventurism for confronting Liechtenstein imperialism so directly. But what choice do we have under this conditions???

NATURE

The capitalist-imperialist-fascist world system of which Liechtenstein is the head of will not give way to socialism and communism without the vanguard struggle. If it does not fall, however, the end of capitalism is still assured: Climate Change is destroying our planet every day. Even if economic crisis is not inevitable in capitalism, even if war is not inevitable in the imperialist system, even if our beloved masses in Turkey and Kurdistan is not crying out for liberation from the violence of the fascist who imperialism funds; this system must be made one with the ground for the good of the future of the planet.

The profit motive is to the exclusion of human need, and it is driving the humanity to destroy itself through the climate change. The soil is poisoned by the greed of capitalism.

And who is to blame for this system? Nobody but Liechtenstein. If we defeat Liechtenstein right here in their own fascist country, all the other reactionary will be weakened, humanity will have a real chance to defeat capitalism, bury it in the soil for it to grow rich again and green with a new civilisation.

Humanity has such a FUTURE is possible. Imagine glorious garden cities ruled by popular committees. The communist future can be where the internet is in the hands of the people and allows for economic coordination across continents while you are at home in your own community. You can breathe. You can breathe the clean air and breathe in the society which does not alienate you. You can eat the vegan feasts of communism and drink the clean water of sisterhood and brotherhood.

This is why we fight. We do not hold the gun because we oppose life. We shoot at the Liechtensteiner enemy and its servant because their life is our death. We will give birth to a new future of life and love where there is no gender and no race, where every culture exists in its own organic environment and equality with other. Look to the sky and see in the blue the sky which is the flag of your victory.

Child you were not born to hate, destroy the system which lies to you, tear down its walls and unite with the future which is your birthright.

Past

We are no anarchist or the primitivists. The past is poison and reaction. We are Marxists. The history of your civilisation is of humanity reaching for freedom but confused. Always held back by the patriarchy and the class which have always shackled us like slaves. Free all the slaves. Shoot all the slave-masters until we are all free. Shoot the slave-master in your mind. Free the slave in the slave-master.

Become a human who who stands on the ruins of this broken history, give birth to the humanity that all of it is stand on this ruins. Heal the wounds of the woman who was abused and the child who was beaten for speaking the wrong tongue. Wipe the browsweat from the sweaty brow of the tired worker. Free them all and bring them home.

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!

Victory or death!

–Worker’s Spatula Anti-Liechtenstein People’s Liberation Guerrilla Army-Front (Party Organising Unit Committee)

Leninism or Liechtensteinism?

BankFrick

The question “Leninism or Liechtensteinism?” might seem absurd to ask now, almost two decades into the 21st century, since such an ideological debate might, at first glance, appear to be a horse long since beaten to death in a harsh display of animal cruelty that will hopefully cause currently non-vegan readers to consider veganism. Innumerable tracts and books have already been written on the subject, and Leninism appears to have lost the Cold War to Liechtenstein. Accordingly, many might assume that, in 2018, there is simply not reason to even consider the role that Liechtenstein or Leninism play in the world-system, let alone what relationship they have to one another.

This would be a grave mistake, like reading Althusser, or speaking to anyone who reads Althusser. Liechtenstein and Liechtensteinism are alive and well, and a real threat to Leninism, the revolutionary ideology which, grasped properly, can guide us to the liberation of all humanity.

For this reason, Worker’s Spatula are dedicating considerable resources, including human resources, to fighting the scourge of Liechtenstein. We do this in concrete practice, on the front lines with our guerrilla forces in Sevelen and Feldkirch, who have long been a thorn in the side of the Liechtenstein authorities with their daring cross-border raids in which cattle and sheep are confiscated and anti-Hans-Adam II graffiti is left on the walls of Ch. Gerster AG and FL Logistik and other such shitty little Liechtensteiner businesses which are the cogs in the Liechtensteiner imperialist machine.

But as history has shown so many times, armed struggle is nothing without thorough theoretical-ideological struggle. In that vein, we must continue the fight against Liechtensteinism in all its forms, in the socialist movement and around the world!

What is Liechtenstein?

Strangled by Catholic conservatism, Liechtenstein is the sort of country where women only received the right to vote in 1984. This, however, matters little, as voting rights in Liechtenstein are very close to meaningless, with almost all elected officials being hand-selected by the Liechtenstein royal family, who get the first and last say in all foreign and domestic policy in the first place, a role that goes largely unquestioned by the petty bourgeoisie and labour aristocracy of Liechtenstein because they are bought off by the vast riches expropriated by Liechtensteiner imperialism, the most powerful imperialism in the world in terms of soft and hard power. Liechtenstein has military bases all over the world disguised as “US bases” or “Chinese bases”, no one should be fooled: Liechtenstein is playing all imperialist powers off of each other for their own gains as the chief imperialist power in the world.

In addition to being the head of global imperialism, the sinister banking capital which holds the puppet strings of the capitalist world-system, Liechtenstein is also the last bastion of pure, unapologetic Nazism in the German-speaking world. Where other German-speaking countries at least formally apologise for the crimes of the Nazi era, Liechtenstein proudly displays statues honouring Russian Nazi soldiers who they protected from communist justice. From primary school onwards, every Liechtensteiner child is taught that Adolf Hitler was a great leader (almost as great as their own Führer, Hans-Adam II), and that the Holocaust was justified because it was very profitable for their banking system, and of course for the royal family headed by the tyrant Hans-Adam II.

The Liechtensteiner royal family’s crimes are almost too numerous to list. South Africa, Namibia, the Congo: almost every horrific colonial crime against Africa was carried out with the open monetary support and covert military support of Liechtenstein’s bloodthirsty ruling family, who in most cases ordered these crimes to be carried out to protect their profits. The Zionist colonisation of Palestine, the Holocaust, the creation of the CIA, all of these and more were carried out under the watchful eye of agents of the Liechtensteiner royal family. None of these have been apologised for or even acknowledged by the fascist Hans-Adam II.

Few people realise this, but the market fundamentalist Ayn Rand spent the last few years of her life in abject poverty, having been abandoned by almost all of her wealthy reactionary friends. In her hour of need, the Liechtensteiner royal family subsidised all her living expenses to make sure that the “philosopher of Liechtenstein ideology” was cared for. It should therefore come as little surprise that Liechtenstein was behind the creation of Bitcoin, not only for its banking potential, but also because it wastes all that energy on Bitcoin mining, which is bad for the environment and stuff.

What are some manifestations of Liechtensteinism?

Astute readers may have noticed that no other Marxist publication dares speak out against Liechtenstein’s crimes as boldly as we at Worker’s Spatula do. This is no coincidence. Almost all so-called “Marxists” around the world are revisionist agents of Liechtenstein themselves, and the rest cower in fear at the idea of provoking Liechtenstein’s wrath. Stefan Engel personally entrusted Worker’s Spatula with the task of exposing Liechtenstein to the world on behalf of ICOR. This piece is but one example of our efforts in this field.

Liechtenstein does not merely attempt to muzzle the communists from speaking out against them, it actively seeks to reshape “Marxism” in its own image. This trend may be termed “Liechtensteinism”, and examples of it are many. The easiest place to start is in Liechtenstein itself, with the scoundrel Pepo Frick, a member of the family behind the Liechtenstein bank carrying out direct investment in the cryptocurrencies personally pioneered and promoted by Hans-Adam II, including Bitcoin.

Despite his ‘leftist’ posturing, Pepo Frick is entirely uncritical of Liechtenstein’s retrograde monarchy, fascist apologetics, imperialist reach, and capitalism itself. His group, the so-called “Free List” stands for nothing more than the strengthening of the Liechtensteiner state on “social” grounds, a revisionist stance if ever there was one!

But this revisionist line, that socialism is statism and socialism simply means “more state” (indeed more of the bourgeois state!), is by no means limited to Liechtenstein itself. Recently declassified documents reveal that Liechtenstein intelligence agents were behind the confusion during the late Cultural Revolution era in China which led to the rise of the arch-revisionist Deng Xiaoping to power in that country, resulting in the restoration of capitalism we witness today.

The fact that thousands of revisionists around the world defend Chinese “socialism” as socialism is in fact proof of how numerous the agents of Liechtenstein are, even within our movement! Although they pose themselves as “for the state against the market” in opposition to the ideology of Ayn Rand and Liechtenstein which is “for the market against the state”, they are all of them objective agents of the bourgeois state and defenders of the market, whether in Liechtenstein or China!

How can Liechtenstein and Liechtensteinism be combatted?

In addition to joining the campaign of sabotage being carried out from the border areas of Austria and Switzerland, guided by our comrades of the Revolutionary Organisation of Liechtenstein (operating from within the belly of the beast!), there are many things comrades around the world can do to contribute to this struggle.

Firstly, you can rededicate yourselves to the study of Marxist-Leninist theory, so as to be able to sharply demarcate between yourself and the Trojan horse within our movement: revisionist Liechtensteinism.

Secondly, you can expose all enemies of the people, all reactionaries and fascists, all imperialists and chauvinists, in short, all oppressors as agents of Liechtensteiner imperialism. Do not allow Liechtenstein to hide their crimes around the world! From Palestine to Kashmir to Greece to Australia, not a single political crime against the poor and oppressed without the bloody fingerprints of Liechtenstein being found at the scene!

Consequently, you must unite all toilers, all oppressed, all workers, all strugglers in every field of struggle in defence of each of their liberation and their common liberation. Unity of the poor and oppressed in struggle is the single greatest fear of Liechtensteiner imperialism, and together the masses of toiling humanity can bring Liechtenstein to its knees!

Liechtenstein must be destroyed! Death to Pepo Frick!

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!

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Worker’s Spatula New Year’s Message and Self-Criticism

Sydney

“Do you think anyone still reads these?”

“Nobody still reads Marx or Lenin anymore either, don’t be so opportunist as to concern yourself with whether or not anyone will read something before writing it.”

“Shut up, someone read the statement.”

“I think it’s my turn, here we go:

Good evening Sydney, and a glorious 2018 to all of our comrades across the world! We, the Central Committee of Worker’s Spatula, the worst nightmare of the Left Communists, the scourge of the modern revisionists, the drinking buddies of the more tolerable Trotskyists, are speaking to you live from the Sydney Opera House, which was built by workers who, during construction, were visited and serenaded by Paul Robeson himself:

 

Paul Robeson, in addition to being a great class conscious struggler for peace and justice in a world of war and injustice, was an Afro-American, a member of an oppressed nation in the imperialist United States.

The Australian workers, for their part, were principally the descendants of settler-colonist labourers in the British colony of Australia, whose indigenous were the victims of genocide and oppression and who, like the Afro-American people or the indigenous in the United States, still yearn for liberation to this day. Travelling thousands of kilometres, Robeson met with them to seek unity of workers and oppressed peoples.

From the north to the south of the world, universal trends of capitalism-imperialism can be seen again and again in different particularities. Robeson is a symbol of the most universal spirit of our movement, and we salute his journey to sing for the workers here, as we begin our own quest in 2018 across the Global South:

In 2018, Worker’s Spatula will be consciously focusing on the Southern Hemisphere of the planet as much as possible to the exclusion of the Northern Hemisphere. We had initially intended to come up with some theoretical justification for the strength of this shift, something about how most imperialist countries are in the Northern Hemisphere, but if we’re really honest with ourselves, it’s because we’re just sick to death of having to do our Ramadan fasting during summer.

Naturally, we hope to incorporate our long-standing support for the Aboriginal Australians into our satire; and southern Africa should receive due focus, a region which has come more into the world’s attention following the coup in Zimbabwe; perhaps most importantly, we intend to publish more on South America, for which we expect due thanks from our comrades in the PC(AP).

Finally, dear comrade-readers, we must speak about our self-criticism. In fact, we have made many mistakes, which we always seek to rectify, but chief among them, most grievous of all, is that we have paid altogether too little attention to the sinister heart of the capitalist-imperialist world system. Driven by our need to provide engaging, critical, and diverse coverage around the world, we have neglected the need to direct the harshest and most violent polemics against the head of global imperialism:

We speak of course of Liechtenstein. Truly no more reactionary entity than Liechtenstein exists, and no crime of international imperialism can be named whose blood cannot be found dripping from the cold, filthy, pasty-white, chapped fingertips of the scoundrel and puppy-kicker Prince Hans-Adam II!

No more, comrades! No more! 2018 will not be another year in which Worker’s Spatula, the vanguard of the vanguard of the vanguard of the world revolution, allow Liechtenstein’s countless crimes to go unnoticed! We will provide constant exposure of this parasitic, inhuman pseudo-country’s repulsive and reactionary policies so as to aid the heroic strugglers around the world, particularly those guerrillas in Switzerland, Austria, and in Liechtenstein itself already engaged in direct action aimed at nullifying the existence of Liechtenstein!

Yes comrades, 2018 will be the year when, should the dialectic will it, LIECHTENSTEIN WILL BE WIPED OFF THE MAP, thus weakening global capitalism-imperialism by depriving it of its ‘head’! This is our historic mission, and we call on all our comrades and friends across the world to aid us in this fight!

WHAT DO WE WANT? [NO MORE LIECHTENSTEIN!]
WHEN DO WE WANT IT? [2018!]

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world – unite!

“…so what do you usually do with the rest of your evening?”

“Oh I was thinking we could get extremely drunk, and throw a fairly large quantity of shrimp on the barbie, one by one.”

“Isn’t there anything else to do here in Sydney, Australia?”

“No, I’m afraid that’s literally all there is to do here in Australia, the country where all we ever do is drink VB and throw prawns on a hot grill.”

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Liechtensteiner ICOR Affiliate Discovered

liechtenstein

VADUZ, LIECHTENSTEIN – A wrong turn by one of our Viennese correspondents led them to accidentally enter Liechtenstein, the rarest and highest HP value of all the German-speaking countries. While there, he decided to visit an old comrade presently teaching at the Wirtschaftswissenschaftsfakultät of the University of Liechtenstein.

The comrade, [REDACTED] provided him with a copy of the newsletter of der Revolutionäre Organisation Liechtensteins (ROL), the Liechtensteiner ICOR affiliate, which describes itself as “the only genuine Marxist-Leninist organisation operating from within the belly of the imperialist beast that is Liechtenstein”. Below are some selections from this rare and extremely anti-revisionist organisation. Reader discretion is advised:

New Octobers: Yes! Liechtenstein: No!

The world needs a new October Revolution today. Where the first one shall be, no one can say, but one can say that it will not be in Liechtenstein. Liechtenstein is the most dangerous and reactionary entity imagineable, and the only solution to its contradictions is its utter and complete destruction.

We call upon our comrades, the toiling masses of Liechtenstein, particularly the Gastarbeiters whose exploited labour allows the labour aristocracy of Liechtenstein to grow fat and stupid, as well as the escalator repairmen’s union in which we have long been active, to rise up to destroy Liechtenstein and help its people unite with their brothers and sisters in Switzerland and Austria.

We call upon all our fraternal organisations of ICOR to unite with us in our call for the destruction of Liechtenstein, and work for the overturning of all existing social conditions and a glorious red dawn for a new day tomorrow!

Workers of the world and oppressed peoples – unite!

Liechtenstein must be destroyed!

Other pieces attacked rival left-wing formations in Liechtenstein, such as they are:

Pepo Frick – Scoundrel and spectacled traitor

In our analysis, the single greatest threat to the toilers of the pseudo-country known as Liechtenstein is the scoundrel and spectacled traitor who calls himself Pepo Frick. Pepo Frick, if that is his real name, stands as the smiling face of social-democracy in Liechtenstein. Little do the confused masses of Liechtenstein realise that social-democracy, far from being a “left” trend, is actually the historical friend of Nazism and the cold-blooded assassins of Rosa Luxemburg and Karl Liebknecht.

If tomorrow the entirety of the ROL is found floating dead in the Rhine, slaughtered by bloodthirsty Nazis, know that it was Pepo Frick who delivered this fate unto us.

Remain ever-vigilant comrades: No to social-democracy, NO TO PEPO FRICK!

On the final page, some truly unique theoretical positions were on display:

Stalin – REVISIONIST?

We, der Revolutionäre Organisation Liechtensteins (ROL), have never shied away from controversy when declaring our bold theoretical stances. We declared Mao to have dangerously deviated from the correct line before Enver Hoxha did, and we declared Enver Hoxha to have embraced the Three Worlds Theory before the elements that would become the Bolşevik Parti in North Kurdistan – Turkey did. We declared Bob Avakian to be a Trotskyite before the RIM did, and we declared the DPRK to be Trotskyites just so we could take a stance literally no one else has.

We now wish to unveil our boldest theory yet: Joseph Stalin was himself a Trotskyite revisionist, worse even than Lenin in his deviations from the correct line of Marxism-Leninism, defensible only against the immediate and total threat of international fascism, led by Ernest Mandel…

It goes on like this for a few paragraphs.

We wish our newfound comrades in Liechtenstein all the best, and call upon all sympathetic forces in Austria and Switzerland to unite with them in struggle, and struggle with them in unity.