Jason Unruhe: “If Trump Wins, I’m Moving to the US”


By Jason Unruhe

Many Americans, especially those on the left, have been threatening to move to Canada in the case of a Donald Trump victory in the coming elections. Naturally, withdrawing one’s labour from the workforce in order to achieve one’s aims is a time-honoured tactic, but in this case it looks as though it would be sporadic and unorganized, and hardly likely to cause the crisis in US capitalism that North America so desperately needs. Those advocating this line of action in general represent the labour aristocracy, when they are not outright petty bourgeois. Such people are obviously completely worthless to revolution in the analysis of our ingenious leader, Comrade Prairie Fire.

You see, in our analysis, a Trump victory would be a gift—a historical, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to undermine the great Satan and drastically reconstitute the very world in which we live. Yes, if Trump is elected, I call on all Canadians to move to the United States.

Communism in China did not emerge fully-formed without a period of great struggle; it was born out of contradictions which were exploited by the international communist movement. As Mao Tse Tung himself emphasized: “A good comrade is one who is more eager to go where the difficulties are greater.” What Canadian can deny that difficulties in the US are already greater? And does not every US comrade eagerly anticipate election day, when they will be able to cast their vote for Trump, just as Chairman Mao would have instructed?

Of course, we would be true reformists if we analysed electoral politics as the only avenue for struggle. We must consider the objective conditions among the masses in the US: Whilst the Yankee peasantry is ripe for rebellion and unquestionably well-armed, US society does not yet appear prepared to take part in a peasant and worker-led struggle against imperialist and capitalist hegemony, even during the years of the hated Bush regime. But after a Trump victory, how long can it possibly take before the contradictions of capitalism force radical change in one direction or other?

Unlike in Canada, where hardened communists like myself are unable to organise the First Nations proletariat for struggle, the United States has a frighteningly large population of oppressed nationalities workers living in third world conditions: Afro-Americans, Chicanos, Appalachians, Mormons, these are but some of the populations who would finally embrace my worldview under the apartheid-like conditions of a Trump presidency.

Truly, Worker’s Spatula were wise to pour so much of their time and resources into the Trump campaign. While others, like the reformist ICOR affiliate ROL, wasted time discussing the process of the campaign of Bernie Sanders (who is a mere shadow of the first worldist scoundrel Jeremy Corbyn), Worker’s Spatula ensured that the conditions would soon be ripe for revolutionaries from across Canada will have the conditions we need to actually effect change.

In order to ensure that conservatives and reactionaries do not hijack the struggle for their own ends, it is imperative that we as responsible Canadians stand up and pledge to do whatever we can to ensure that the US is helped onto the right path. Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the various reformist and revisionist organisations in Canada which organise the labour aristocracy and neglect the greater contradiction of imperialism. But speaking on behalf of the LLCO, I assure the oppressed nationalities in the US that they will not be left alone. All of our Canadian cadres are coming to help you struggle until victory.

Yes, if Trump wins, I’m moving to the US.


Spartacist League Celebrates September 11th

While many communist organisations in the United States take September 11th as an opportunity to remind everyone about the CIA-backed coup against Salvador Allende in 1973 in a fruitless effort to make Americans care about history, communism, or foreigners, the US Spartacist League is taking the opportunity to commemorate “the fallen martyrs” who “gave their lives” to carry out an attack “on finance capital and US imperialism”.

“Just as the great Trotskyist Che Guevara called for us to ‘create two, three, many Vietnams’, we call for ‘two, three, many 9/11s”, read a written statement from the party in Workers Vanguard.

“Any time anything happens that looks scary to the bourgeoisie, it’s a good thing.” the statement continued. “For example, if there’s a hurricane, that’s good, because rich people don’t want to die in hurricanes. Long live Marxism-Trotskyism-Robertsonism!”

The declaration has met with fierce hostility from nearly every other leftist organisation in the United States, or as the Spartacist League refer to them, “fake communists”. One rare instance of agreement was the Third Worldist organisation the LLCO, whose public declaration read in part: “On September 11th, we remember with pride this great blow by the revolutionary forces of the Third World against the mighty fortress of the degenerate First World”. However, the LLCO’s lack of any real-world presence precluded anyone who doesn’t spend all day on the internet being offended by their rhetoric, despite their best efforts.

Within the ICL(FI), other sections mostly responded by attempting to one-up the US Spartacist League. The French section Ligue trotskyste de France held a press conference praising Pol Pot as an exemplar of their political line. When rival Trotskyist groups pointed out that “surely Pol Pot was some manner of Maoist, if anything,” a Ligue spokesman smiled and responded: “Right, because Che and Gramsci were Trotskyists.”

The Spartacist League of Australia released a statement demanding a “Stalinist” party seize power in Australia and persecute them personally, giving them an opportunity to prove their lack of bourgeois individualism by defending their own imprisonment and possible execution.

The Trotskyist League of Canada/Ligue trotskyste du Canada has not released any statement, but members were seen firebombing a synagogue while screaming “HEIL HITLER!” and “STALIN IST JÜDISCHER DRECK!”

The UK Spartacist League, on the other hand, while refraining from condemning the actions and statements of most other ICL(FI) members, did distance itself from the US Spartacist League’s statement with regard to September 11th, condemning it as “deviationist.”

“Look, we need to reiterate that this was never our position. We don’t support murderous Islamists in adventurist attacks against imperialist powers; we support murderous Islamists building up long-term sustainable organisations which attack innocent poor people in far-away lands. That’s what we call ‘anti-imperialism’.”

Trotskyist Dating Site Launched

LOS ANGELES – With a limited budget and a busy schedule, the average leftist has great difficulty staying competitive in the dating scene. For Trotskyists, the situation is bleaker still, as the risk of being set up on a date with someone who isn’t a Trotskyist, and is therefore a “Stalinist”, is pretty high.

Los Angeles technical support operator and ISO member Jessica Stone believes her new website, “TrotHotSpot”, could provide physical and emotional companionship for thousands of Trotskyists around the world.

“I wanted to make sure it was properly inclusive, so we have write-in slots for gender and sexuality, with a pretty extensive list of pronouns other users will see when you message them. I also wanted to make sure all the various Trotskyist tendencies were included, except the Pabloites. Pabloites will be pur… er, I mean… expelled from the site.”

Over the course of a mere 48 hours, over 10,000 confirmed accounts have been registered, representing the spectrum of  Trotskyism from Solidarity (US) to ICL(FI), better known as “the Sparts.”

“Yeah, we try to keep the Sparts well behaved.” Stone told us. “We expel them from the site if they send more than 10 accusations of being a “fake Marxist” to a single user in the space of five minutes.”

“So yeah, we’ve expelled almost every single Spart who’s joined the site so far.”

Concerns are already surfacing about unethical use of the site. A Chicago user named “TrotThot” has reportedly been offering sexual favours in return for newspaper sales. A sample message reads, in part: “I’ll do anything non-penetrative in exchange for a paper sale, anything penetrative is gonna cost you a subscription.”

Further, users on the 8chan board /leftypol/, a known Hoxhaite breeding ground, have been openly discussing plans to hack the site’s database to retrieve the personal information of users whose profile pictures suspiciously resemble the visages of Bob Avakian and Jason Unruhe. Stone responded:

“I completely understand these concerns. I mean, even for Bob Avakian or Jason Unruhe, it would be pretty embarrassing for everyone to find out that you talk to Trotskyists. We are working around the clock to heighten site security. We want security concerns for our users to be as low as those of actual Trotskyist parties in the United States.”

But the popularity of the site is so explosive that /leftypol/’s hacking efforts may be redundant. Communist Party of Canada (Marxist-Leninist) president Sandra L. Smith publicly admitted to having registered an account.

“Yeah, I’m a dominatrix, and while I have a very satisfying sex life within the Montréal S&M scene, it’s hard to find someone who wants to sub as my ice axe attack victim. I’m hoping through this site I can find someone.”

With Marxist-Leninists joining the site, it’s no surprise that famous Trotskyists would as well: Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant reports already having found love on the site, having been matched with her own duplicate account. A wedding is to take place before the next Seattle City Council election. “I love myself very much, and you should love me too”, she informed Worker’s Spatula, when asked for comment.

Asked if he had any plans to join the site, MLPD Leader and winner of the “Best Dressed” award at his high school prom for three consecutive years Stefan Engel responded: “What do I need a dating site for? Haven’t you seen my homepage?”