Venezuela Making King of Norway Doubt Merits of Rentier Social Democracy

KingFuckingston

OSLO – Bernie Sanders’s favourite socialist leader and last bastion of struggle against EU imperialism, King Harald V of Norway, today revealed to our Worker’s Spatula correspondent in Oslo his concerns about Venezuela and its implications for the Norwegian model.

“Ever since the war in Libya, I’ve been concerned that our gradualist approach to socialism presented too long of a period of transition, allowing sabotage by the imperialists. Venezuela has been a concern in this area for a long time, and now everyone’s seeing how serious of a problem this is.

“In fact, I had discussed the matter with Comrades Gaddafi and Chavez before their respective tragic deaths…” said the 79-year-old monarch as he gazed sadly out the palace window.

“The problem is, if there’s one country that is more gradual than any other in its march to socialism, it is Norway, where we are so conservative in our struggle against the forces of reaction that I am in power,” he said looking our interviewer directly in the eyes.

Influential Norwegian Marxist theoretician Elling Borgersrud expressed frustration with the king’s stubborn refusal to draw the necessary conclusions: “We’ve been saying this for years, and I think the time has come for the king to just admit it: Social democracy may be good in theory, but it doesn’t work in practice.

“I think I speak for the entire people of Norway when I say that the time has come for the king to carry out a resolute offensive against the kulaks, the comprador bourgeoisie, and the aristocracy.”