New Zealand Left Relocates to Australia

Sheeps

AUCKLAND – Announcing that “we’ve had a good run”, the entire New Zealand left held a press conference today at which they declared their intention to relocate to Australia, gain Australian citizenship, and help foment socialist revolution in Australia.

“There’s not really much point in going on anymore, is there? We kept expecting to see a resurgent far right like they have in the rest of the Anglosphere, scaring massive… er… relatively massive numbers of young liberals into our arms, but that didn’t happen,” explained Sophie Brown, spokeswoman from the New Zealand ISO.

“Speaking for my own organisation, we were always internationalists, so we have no attachment to particular conditions, and anyway Australia’s not so very different to New Zealand. We have Socialist Alternative waiting to take us in with open arms.”

Ian Wilson, an Auckland-area anarchist, agreed: “One day we won’t have borders, but for now we reckon we’re inside the wrong ones for our ideology. Australia may not exactly be a  left-wing country, but us Kiwis are too moderate all around as things stand. Those of us who don’t have organisations or groups waiting for us intend to mill about for a while and see what suits us. I’ve got some friends in Sydney whose couch I can crash on while I go commune shopping.”

Asked if they were prepared for struggle against the rising tide of nativist chauvinism and fascism, all present answered in the affirmative: “Yeah man, Pauline Hanson, Malcolm Turnbull, bring it on! The people want some bloody action, and we can’t sustain that here in boring old Kiwiland,” reported “Adam”, a member of a tiny group calling itself the “New Communist Party of Aotearoa”, which will apparently be liquidating itself so it can join one of the many successful Maoist grouplets in Australia.

“Most of us won’t really be directly victimised, not being wogs and all”, explained OMU spokesman Alec Manson, “But we are ready to passively declare solidarity with those who are victimised by Australian racism, from refugees being abused in prison camps to the Aboriginal Australians, who clearly just take being angry more seriously than the Māori do.”

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