Paid Advertisement: ROL Kwanzaa Benefit Album

rol

BOSTON – It’s the hottest-selling anti-revisionist gift item of the season: The ROL’s Kwanzaa benefit album “Umoja na Kujichagulia” is practically flying off the shelves. Indeed, scarcely a music store in the country can be found that still stocks it.

From the very first track, the album pulls no punches: a trip-hop soundtrack underlies a speech presumed to be delivered by Ray Light, mostly about unity of struggle between the Appalachian and Afro-American peoples.

While some critics have criticised the album’s musical quality and mish-mash of musical styles (from gospel to disco to hardcore punk), those critics are mostly national chauvinists and Trotskyites, and they’re probably into Kanye West or some shit.

The album closes with a stirring choral rendition of “Lift Every Voice”, the national anthem from the US which local Worker’s Spatula’s affiliates actually stand up for.

All proceeds from the album go to the National Black United Fund, to which you too should donate, in all seriousness.

Paid Advertisement: Cadging Fags

cadgin

Are you a hip young communist, trying to stay fit and save money? Then may we humbly recommend the cadging of fags, or as our US friends call it, bumming fags, but that’s the subject of another paid advertisement: Our new app, Spatulr.

In the meanwhile, let us set the scene: You’re on the street, going about your anti-revisionist business, when your stomach starts to grumble. But you’ve barely got any money in your account for the next week, and you haven’t any cash at all!

Given that your impoverished lifestyle means that you survive mostly on cheap carbohydrates, you’re worried about your figure, which has to stay lean for running around at protests and jumping turnstiles at the train station. Our anarchist friends know this struggle well! Is there a way to eat fewer meals, thus saving money and staying fit, without being miserable? There is!

Simply walk up to any respectable bourgeois-looking person on the street having a smoke and ask them politely if you might have one as well, mate. You’re trying to quit, after all, and you wouldn’t want to have to buy a whole pack, thus tempting you back to smoking. Meanwhile, they, a lowly smoker, are in no position to judge whether or not you, one of the noble quitters, ought to be having this one cigarette! So cadge away, comrades! Cadge away!

Let’s hear some testimonials from satisfied customers:

“I often get hungry during the day, and I find that a cigarette staves off the hunger until I can get free food from an event at my school. Thanks, cadging!”
-Nigel Angliss, SOAS student

“That Nigel thinks he’s awfully clever, pulling that ‘Oh I’m trying to quit!’ routine. Next time I see him I’m going to charge him for a fag.”
-Jasmine Puri, SOAS student

Call now!

Paid Advertisement: Anarchist Lifestyle Consulting Services

AnarchistLifestyle

Are you a hip young anarchist bent on overthrowing capitalism, the state, and all forms of oppression through the sheer force of your individual will? Have you often pondered how, given the immense importance you’ve ascribed to your own individuality, you need to work REALLY fucking hard to bring down the system all by your self?

Then come visit Anarchist Lifestyle Consulting Services! For a sliding scale fee, we’ll help you organise your life so that you can combat the capitalist state to your fullest potential without subordinating your unique self to some phony party or organisation with a dumb strategy or pointless historical analysis based on that mystical bullshit they call “dialectics”.

Among the areas of your special snowflake life we’ll help you streamline for changing the world:
-Time budgeting, so you make sure to be able to debate your professors, relatives, and suspiciously petty bourgeois friend circle proportionately. Everyone’s gotta hear about how oppressive all existing concepts are, except anarchism of course!
-Commune choice: Every real lifestyler needs a good commune. Will you go with the commune where everybody’s always fucking each other and the drama makes it impossible to get anything done, or will you go with the commune where people are so serious about their struggle that sex is basically banned? We help you decide!
-Shopping: Are you letting any of your money go to a multinational corporation just to save money, like a stupid, non-revolutionary poor person? We’ll examine your monthly spending habits and make sure you spend several times as much on the necessities of life to buttress up your delusions of extracting yourself from the system!

We’ll also help you choose music, clothes, accessories, and a reading list to give your anarchism a more personal touch. When we’re done with you, you’ll be the envy of all your hip friends! Guaranteed!

Paid Advertisement: Joe’s Permanent Revolution Blog

stalinschildren

Tired of the same old boring Trotskyist rhetoric? Do you crave hip new analysis of the combined and uneven development of capitalism? Want to build a worker’s state out of the imperialist country you inhabit, but don’t know how to bridge the gap between your party and the workers of the Angry Birds generation? Then Joe’s Permanent Revolution Blog is for you!

Joe’s Permanent Revolution Blog takes a daring look at developments from around the world, throughout history and today, through a Trotskyist lens!

Other Trotskyist blogs are too bogged down in discussion of the October Revolution and how Stalin ruined everything (which he did, of course). Joe’s Permanent Revolution Blog takes a refreshing new approach, wherein every revolution* or insurrection or uprising or kerfuffle in history is embraced as a continuation of the revolutionary spirit of Leon Trotsky. The Zapatistas? They’re in the mix! Cuba? Yes! Burkina Faso? You bet! The Argentinian ERP? Of course! Vietnam? Why not? In for a penny, in for a pound!

Once a week, reference to Frida Kahlo will be made, because who cares about Frida Kahlo’s own political subjectivity when her image can be co-opted to get college feminists on board with Leon Trotsky?

*Anyone who references China or Albania in the comments section will be banned from Joe’s Permanent Revolution Blog.