Oscar Temaru Announces Candidacy for President of France

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FA’A’Ā, FRENCH POLYNESIA – After months of meetings secrètes avec les représentants de l’ICOR et de la CIPOML (maoïste) organiséd par le staff éditorial du Travailleur’s Spatule, le candidat whom we all know that France both needs and deserves has annonced himself before le monde: Oscar Temaru will be seeking le office du Président de la République française, running sur une plate-forme de contrôles d’immigration reinforcéd sur les blancs.

Speaking before a crowd composéd principalement de communistes et d’autres leftistes too hard for the fucking Parti de Gauche, Temaru a expliquéd ses plans pour sa présidencé: «Depuis trop longtemps, our borders have been flooded with white trash, thinking that they can just come in and just localise themselves without consulting the will of the people, and it’s got to stop. Nous, les polynésiens, sommes des peuples raisonnables, and we tried, I personally tried as président de la Polynésie, de proposer des changements raisonnables à la loi qui permettrait à notre peuple de vivre dans le comfort, mais le système colonial imposéd par le métropole ne permet pas de changements réels de la part de peuples subjects comme le nôtre.»

«As Président de la République française, je défendrai l’intégrité culturelle de toute la France contre la tide de l’immigration non-contrôléd. I have no intention to discriminate against white people. Le problème avec le régime current est que les blancs sont accordéd une licence spéciale to behave however they like, with no regard for les normes culturelles polynésiennes. Tous les nouveaux immigrants blancs à la France et à l’un de ses départements et territoires d’overseas must démonstrer leur capacité d’assimilation à la culture polynésienne.»

“Just to clarify,” asked incoming MLPD chair Gabi Gärtner, sporting a multicoloured lei around her neck, “Your plan is to solve the colonisation of Polynesia and racism in France by imposing Polynesian culture on the French metropol?”

“Yes,” responded Temaru.

“An extremely dialectical and elegant solution!” gushed Gärtner, who led the MLPD delegation in two minutes of sustained applause.

OCML-PV cadres have résponded immédiatement à l’annonce avec une campagne de graffitis around Paris: «VOTEZ TEMARU!» lire les graffitis, «VOUS ÊTES EN POLYNÉSIE, PARLEZ LES LANGUES POLYNESIENNES!»

Pour leur part, le PCOF, le parti local affiliéd de la CIPOML (hoxhaïste), a rejectéd cette campagne polynésienne as «insuffisamment danque et edgée», proposing instead that the goal should instead be to marcher sur Rome en concert avec their «Carthaginian sister parties» (de Maroc et de Tunisie).

Back in Fa’a’ā, local millionaire Lucas de Chevron Villette reacted to the scene of communists marching about with pictures of Temaru, declaiming their intention to rid France of white culture, with shock:

«Je ne reconnais plus ma France, je pense sérieusement à voter pour Le Pen.»

«Je ne suis pas raciste, mais…»

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News in Brief: September 21st 2015

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BERLIN – Die Linke has released a press statement explaining their longstanding support for the German bourgeoisie as an internationalist tactical line. “As Lenin teaches us, there are inter-imperialist contradictions, and we’re trying to maintain the strength of the German bourgeoisie as a bulwark against the UK, the US, Russia, etc., giving our comrades around the world more imperialist powers between which to navigate.” CPUSA is expected to release a comparable statement in the coming days.

LOS ANGELES – At a “Red Guards” meeting of the Maoist NCP-LC earlier this week, a member is reported to have said that Cambodian leader Pol Pot was “probably the best Maoist who ever lived,” resulting in his being taken out back and thoroughly beaten. This follows news of an inter-NCP-LC beating in the Bronx where a new comrade reportedly defended Ho Chi Minh over Mao Zedong. No word from NCP-LC as yet on whether or not a defence of Lin Biao is beating-worthy, but analysts advise against it, on the grounds that “that’s the LLCO’s guy.”

OTTAWA – The NDP announced their “critical support” for all leftist organisations in Canada offering the NDP critical support. Analysts almost universally agreed that the RCP-PCR, CPC-PCC, and CPC(ML) had made a huge mistake by not backing the NDP the way that the Canadian IST affiliate International Socialists did, as the latter will surely now be able to build a worker’s state out of Canada and “the Stalinists” will be left far behind.

PARIS – In a heated confrontation at a demonstration yesterday, members of the PCOF nearly came to blows with members of the sole ICU organisation Lutte Ouvrière after the latter refused to apologise to the Hoxhaite party for Trotsky’s betrayal of Stalin. The PCOF has stated that it “firmly believes all the bad blood can be put behind us if only the Trotskyites would confess to and apologise for their crimes.”

LONDON – David Cameron fucked a pig, apparently.