News in Brief: March 11th 2017

NormieBrother

MANILA -Reports indicate that [REDACTED], a Worker’s Spatula correspondent formerly based in Malaysia and now based in the Philippines, is hosting his fucking normie brother, who is in town on a business trip.

At press time, the former’s ideology was almost revealed when the latter burst into his room unannounced. Although the CPP propaganda was quickly thrown under the bed, our comrade’s normie brother still requested to see it.

An initial attempt to quell interest failed when being told it was “just my porn” only piqued the normie brother’s interest. Our comrade then calculated that choosing this moment to come out of the closet would result in less family strife than the revelation of his communistic views, and the subject was quickly changed.

OMAHA, NEBRASKA – Caleb Maupin is reportedly touring county fairs in Nebraska and Iowa, attempting to convince the local white population that imitating China today is the path to social harmony and progress for the United States.

While he has been largely unsuccessful at converting others to his particular brand of “socialism”, the mission has not been without incident: a 23-year-old man driving an SUV responded to Maupin’s request to “learn about Deng Xiaoping” by saying “I don’t really like Chinese food”. Maupin later barely escaped a beating by a Trump supporter by informing the latter of his close ties with the Donald.

STEMBOL – As PKK leader Abdullah Öcalan’s isolation continues, sources in touch with his lawyer have become increasingly concerned that he may have been replaced by an “Ölacan” figure.

“I mean, my god, I have spoken to my good friend Abdullah Öcalan quite recently *sniff*,” explained Öcalan’s lawyer. “And, this is to say, as we used to say in Yugoslavia, you know, the thing is, he is writing a new book.”

The reported title of the book, apparently about the Imagined, the Symbolic, and the Real of Kurdistan, is “the Mirror Stage: Libidinal Dynamics of Anatolian Resistance”. Öcalan’s lawyer also shared with us the following “very dirty joke, but also, it is completely true and serious”: The cover of the book will be the famous painting from the İmralı cell, of a labia shaped approximately like the map of Kurdistan.

BRIGHTON, ENGLAND – Local teenage Marxist Frank Hobbes has elected to join the SPGB, making him the first young person to join the party in decades.

“I just wanted to be part of a party that understood that everything literally and immediately reduces to class, in the first and final instance, and no other discussion of theory or practice is helpful, or even interesting.”

Tragically, his best internet friend, Mark Anson, another teenage Marxist from Florida, is unable to find a local equivalent organisation in which to act out the part of the caricature of Marxism that anti-Marxist liberals believe the rest of us actually are.

Real MLs to Spend International Working Women’s Day Mocking YPJ

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QENDÎL – While the revisionist pseudo-revolutionaries of the MLKP, THKP-C/MLSPB, DKP, and MKP continue selling out the revolution by arming Kurdish women against some of the most nakedly reactionary forces in the region, a few individual heroes see through this Narodnik nonsense.

Of course, we speak of Twitter MLs, the real face of organised Marxism-Leninism in the world today. Their tireless work to expose the struggle as being one free of internal contradictions, and one based entirely on uncritically cheerleading the patriarchal, bourgeois status quo supported by rival imperialist powers so as to distance themselves from Trotskyists who cheerlead their “own” imperialism, has cost them many martyrs, who we at Worker’s Spatula would like to take a moment to mourn.

[ONE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR THE MARTYRS OF ASSADISTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES]

The prison cells of the UK and the US are filled with the party-less forces of FDCK Twitter. And yet these brave strugglers refuse to be cowed by the CIA-backed propaganda of TİKB and TKP/ML. On March 8th, they plan to emerge into the streets of every major city where English is spoken from Vancouver to Melbourne, to mock women guerrillas whose leaders rot in other NATO prisons. We spoke with some of the representatives of their movement:

“The YPJ are all fucking whores. I hope they get raped,” said @TankieWaifuLuvr.

“Ivana Hoffmann is an idpol martyr to nothing,” concurred @ChinaIzSocialist. “The MLKP are CIA proxies, and Assad is more of a socialist than all these weird Turkish parties put together.”

“If I was part of a communist party, we would include denial of the existence of a Kurdish nation in the points of unity. It’s very clear if you read Stalin that the Kurds aren’t a nation,” insisted @ThreeWorldsTheory. “I really wish I could form such a party, but the US is too repressive for us to ever organise. In Turkey people are freer, Doğu Perinçek is able to organise against NATO and US imperialism as we never could here.”

In response, Trotskyists in those same countries will be marching against this “Stalinist” threat by waving the flags of the women’s brigades of the FSA.

Despite all this talk of Syria and Kurdistan, only one group of English-speaking leftists of any significant size seems to have actually travelled to the region to investigate: the anarchists.

“We’re here in solidarity with the most powerful anarchist movement in the world, the PKK, to learn more about anarchism in practice,” explained Heval Jacob, referring to the PKK in terms it has never once referred to itself. “Our delegation is proud to stand here with the Kurdish anarchist movement while all the fucking Stalinists waste their time, doing whatever it is they do,” he said, referring to a party that actual Kurdish anarchists refer to as “Stalinist”.

“Could the Marxists ever be so revolutionary as this woman?” asked Heval Vince, pointing at a woman patrolling nearby who, unbeknownst to him, was a member of the MLKP. “No, they’re nothing without their precious fucking tanks, goddamn statists.”

“Real revolution is happening now, these Kurds get that you can’t be a revolutionary while endorsing dictators like that,” laughed Heval Jacob, pointing mockingly at the MELS pin on our correspondent’s jacket. “That’s what people like you will never understand. No gods, no masters, man.”

As of press time, the anarchists had been ejected from Qendîl for various offences against PKK discipline, ranging from drug use to preaching “patriarchal polygamism”, an offence to the sex-negative teachings and wisdom of “our heroic leader, Öcalan”.

Jesus: Judeo-Bolshevik?

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BERLIN, QENDÎL – The latest article by the well-known US Christian-Maoist Cornel West calling for all his ‘brothers and sisters’ to ‘follow Jesus in fighting for the poor and downtrodden’ has provoked a repsonse by the respectable news outlet (in the US) and fascist propaganda front (by the standards of other countries) Breitbart News Network asking: “Was Jesus Secretly A Judeo-Bolshevik!?”

The Breitbart correspondant Guy Whitey Corngood writes “We alt-rightists reject the label ‘white supremacist’… A sort of visceral hatred of black people and immigrants is completely ignorant, and beneath us. We are more refined than that. We realise that the blacks and Mexicans are weapons used by the Cultural Marxist Jews in service of their planned white genocide*. We merely advocate self-defence against this.”

“When we see Jesus preaching, much in the style of the famed Jew Karl Marx, that black people ought to rise against the white race in the hateful and racist fashion typical of the Bolsheviki, we have to ask: Was Jesus a Jew?”

Response from the left was swift, as firing squads are swift. Cornel West responded in that typically Cornel West style by saying: “I hope my brothers and sisters at Breitbart, no matter how they feel about Jesus, will just… just shove it up their own assholes. I’m sorry, I’m done being nice to every hateful piece of shit that spouts some blatantly reactionary nonsense in my general vicinity. We can’t save ’em all. I’m selling my cloak and buying a sword for these Yankee Nazis.”

Meanwhile, in Qendîl, our editor-in-chief was deep in the finer points of historical-theological discussion with Murat Karayılan:

“Was Jesus a Jew? What is a Jew? A Jew is a Mesopotamian, in a sense. The Talmud is from Mesopotamia, as is the Gilgamesh flood myth. Abraham was a Mesopotamian, so why shouldn’t Jesus be too?”

“Sure, okay, but the actual point of the debate isn’t about…”

“In our understanding, Judaism, and all religions, including your faith, Shi’a Islam, and mine, Taoism, are just pre-modern yearnings for the ultimate truth of socialism.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“Jesus was a Kurd.”

The German left scene, which has been embroiled in critiques and discussions of Christianity’s effect on social and political consciousness since the death of Hz. Hegel, and which is deeply invested in responding to Nazis for some reason, had a great deal to say on the subject of Jesus’s alleged Bolshevism:

“Jesus was certainly a Jew, and not a dirty German,” explained Stefan Engel, the most Stalinist member of der Frankfurter Schule. “But was he a Bolshevik? I would argue not. Despite Jesus’s many positive teachings, he nonetheless failed to grasp the role of imperialism: Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s? More like expropriate from Caesar that which Caesar expropriated from the colonised people of Judea!

“Jesus would read GegenStandpunkt.”

GegenStandpunkt has responded with almost the opposite critique of the Nazarene. It reads, in part:

Any discussion of bourgeois society which divides between so-called “fascist” and “democratic” trends is itself un-Marxist. Jesus, as a classic “democratic revolutionary” of the type lauded by Leninite deviationists, may have appealed to the emotions of the poor suffering under capitalism, but he did nothing to actively elevate popular understanding of capitalism as a system of exploitation per se.

When Jesus explains „Ein Reicher wird schwer ins Himmelreich kommen“**, there is nothing Marxist in this. Marx may have broken with the other Junghegelianer over the role of religious ideology in the bourgeois state, but he was very clear that it was not an emancipatory role as such. As for Jesus:

„Es ist leichter, daß ein Kamel durch ein Nadelöhr gehe, denn daß ein Reicher ins Reich Gottes komme. […] Jesus aber sah sie an und sprach zu ihnen: Bei den Menschen ist es unmöglich; aber bei Gott sind alle Dinge möglich.“**

Case closed, Leninites: Jesus was a reformist, an idealist, and a class collaborator.

*It is once again to be noted that “white genocide” is a euphamism for a trend of consensual miscegenation, but “advocating” it will nonetheless result in them doing you like they did George Ciccariello-Mahir-Çayan.

**Bible quotes left in their original German to avoid human misrepresentation of words in the holy tongue of Hz. Hegel.

Fascist Counter-Protest Dispersed via Reverse Psychology

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HAMBURG – A tense stand-off with some wolf-howling Turkish fascists counter-protesting a crowd of Kurdish and Turkish progressives who had been protesting the mass arrest of HDP parliamentarians ended unexpectedly peacefully today, thanks to the careful deployment of an unusual brand of reverse psychology by one Ronî Akbulut, a professional Kurdish troll.

The simmering tension between the two sides almost reached a head around 2:45 PM local time, when a particularly burly ülkücü positioned himself in front of Akbulut and a comrade and began cursing them as follows: “You PKK sons of bitches, I’ll fuck your cunts.”

While Akbulut’s comrade, who drew himself up so that his face was within mere centimetres of the face of his fascist foe, elected to curse back, Akbulut cleverly chose another tactic:

“No sir, I think you’ll find that it’s actually you who’s the PKK. You’re dividing Turkey.”

“What?” asked a nearby crowd of fascists, craning their necks so that they could better observe this startling turn of events.

“Yes,” explained Akbulut, “while I can see why you might think that we, with our Kurdish slogans and Apo flags and so forth, are the PKK, you’re the PKK. All of you. We’re actually Erdoğan.”

“You’re Erdoğan?” asked a confused bozkurt with a long ponytail.

“Yes. In fact, I am Turkey, and you’re dividing me with your terror. Türk ırkı sağolsun. Now go, and terrorise no more.”

Within minutes, all local MHPliler had returned to their animal skin-filled hideout in order to process their newfound identity crisis, while the Kurds and their red allies returned to protesting in peace.

“BIJÎ BIRATIYA GELAN! KURDISTAN GORISTAN JI BO FAŞÎSTAN!”

Israel: “Please Barzani, Save Us”

 

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OCCUPIED JERUSALEM – Citing concerns that past statements had perhaps been too subtle, designed as they were to play off popular support for the PYD, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Tzipi Hotovely held a press conference today in which she directly addressed KRG President Masoud Barzani:

“Look Barzani, you know what this is all really about. You know our predicament. The KCK keeps gaining more and more power, and you’re just sitting there, letting them take it,” said Hotovely, referring to the Kurdish umbrella organisation born out of armed struggle, allied with the Palestinian liberation movement through the PFLP.

“We don’t know when you’re planning to step in and stop this, but terrorists are taking over Kurdistan, and this doesn’t just hurt us, but you too. Do what’s right, and invade Northern Syria and take over. The women of Kurdistan, by which I mean myself, demand this.

“Is this about ISIS? Does that really bother you? We can’t just call them off in Iraq with the Shi’as over there, being all… Shi’a. Why don’t you make friends with the Sunni Arabs, and then we’ll call them off. You guys are Sunni, right? Or is Kurdish a sect? How does that work? Can you be both? I’m extremely new to all this.”

In an unusual move, the PFLP responded by releasing its own statement directed at the increasingly unpopular US-backed puppet leader of Iraqi Kurdistan:

“Barzani, don’t listen to 7u6uwali, she’s drunk. We are your real bros, we speak the same language… Oh wait, you’re not happy about that. Hold up, I’m going to start over now.

“Hey Barzani, we assure you that we’ve spoken to some PKK guys in Beirut, and they swear they’ll give you all of Kurdistan as soon as they’re done beating ISIS. Honestly. They’re just being coy. So just let them do whatever they want, and the kingdom will be yours. It’s going to be great. Her bijî.”

The press statement was concluded with the PFLP spokesman fist-bumping Stefan Engel, who flashed the victory sign at the camera.

Plaid Cymru Kî ne?

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BANGOR, WÊLZ – Îro em di cîhaneke pir xeternak de dijîn. Dema dewleta faşîst a Tirk êrîş dike li ser gelê Kurd û li ser îradeya siyasî ya hemû hêzên pêşverû yên Anatoliya û Mezopotamyayê, gelên Birîtaniya jî tê dikoşin li hemberî hêzên faşîst ên David Cameron, serokwezîrê Birîtaniyayê ku birazek niya.

Ji ber ku piştgirî bi Îrlendiyan re îşê Filistîniyan e, divê Worker’s Spatula piştgirî navbera gelên Kurd û Wêlzî bilind bike.

A rastî, ji aliyê Wêlzî piştgiriya bi gelê Kurd re normal bû. Hevalên me yên Kurd in ku hê nizanin Wêlzî kî ne. Di Wêlzê de gelek Qomunîst hene, bi taybetî ji Partiya Qomunîst a Birîtaniyayê, CPB. CPB mîna TKEP/L ye, lê selehên wan tune. Di rojnameya CPBê, “Morning Star” (bi Kurdî “Ferec”*), gelek meqaleyên li ser mezinahiya têkoşîna PYD li hemberî çeteyên DEÎŞ hatine nivîsîn.

Li gundên Wêlzî, komeke Maoîst a pir piçûk heye, bi navê Yr Aflonddwch Mawr. Bi Wêlzî wateya vî navî heye, lê em nizanin çi ye, çimkî me nikaribû Ferhengeke Kurdî-Wêlzî bibînin. Bi kurtî û Kurmancî, Yr Aflonddwch Mawr ji Îbrahîm Kaypakkaya hez dikin, loma ew jî ji bo gelê Kurd baş in.

Îsal li hilbijartinên Birîtanî, li gorî hilbijartinên paşerojê, bêhtir Wêlziyan Plaid Cymru hilbijart. Ev girîng e, çimkî Plaid Cymru PKK ya Wêlziyan e, û em hêvîdar in ku li pêşerojê Wêlz ji Birîtaniyayê derkeve. Dema kantonên Wêlzê hatine avakirin, hereketa Kurdî dikare selehan ji wan bikirin ji bo têkoşîna li hemberî dewletên kedxwar.

Karker û gelên bindest ên cîhanê, hevgirin!

*Navê rojnameya “Morning Star” ji bo koma metal a Kurdî bi heman navî hat hilbijartin, û rojnamevanên “Morning Star”, heman wekî rojnamevanên Worker’s Spatula, her guhdariya muzîka Ferec’ê dikin.

Jürgen Habermas Leads Uprising of the Kurdish Masses Against the Turkish State

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AMED/DIYARBEKIR – Worker’s Spatula has obtained exclusive footage from a huge mass rally against the blockade of Sûr, the historical central district of Amed (better known as Diyarbekir). This information could not be verified by our on-the-ground correspondents, who are all “on the other side of the barricades” (so to speak), providing us with exclusive information on the struggle of the Civil Defence Forces (YPS) in a prime example of embedded journalism. However, we are absolutely sure that the white-haired man in the front row of the picture provided above is guerrilla academic Jürgen Habermas.

This explains why Habermas, Germany’s (and in fact, all of Europe’s) foremost public intellectual, has not commented on anything related to Germany or the EU as of late. Given his obnoxious presence in all previous mainstream debates regarding central issues related to Germany and the EU, and the picture above (which we obtained from KurdishQuestion.com), we are forced to conclude that he has secretly joined the Kurdish Liberation Movement and is now seeking to cultivate a larger following by means of armed resistance and mass rallies.

Through our contacts in Turkey, both Kurdish and Albanian, we managed to gain permission to phone the imprisoned leader of the PKK, Abdullah Öcalan, on the island of İmralı to get his reaction to this shocking news. Öcalan, who was apparently engaged in a fierce Texas Hold ‘Em battle with the prison guards when we reached him, first spent several minutes trying to convince us of Urfa’s status as the cradle of human civilisation. After allowing him to finish his rant, which at some point deviated into a diatribe about the superiority of Urfa Kebab to Adana Kebab, we asked him about the Habermas situation.

“Well, I read him,” he informed us, “but there was nothing original in his critiques of Marxism or positivism, both of which are clear examples of plagiarism of my own theoretical output. Pay up, Ahmet. This hand is mine.”

MLPD leader Stefan Engel, main organiser of ICOR, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of Judah, Elect of God, the Light of the World, did respond to our text message enquiring as to his reaction on the matter. The first text consisted of nothing but “LOL 😂😂”. About four minutes later we received a second text stating: “Look, if there is one German who has won the right to lead the Kurdish masses and in fact the masses of oppressed around the globe, that is clearly Stefan Engel. Yes, correct, that is myself. Other than that, I appreciate Habermas’s growing radicalisation and, assuming he should give a public self-criticism for deviating from the line of the MLPD, we would potentially be open to considering him as a member of the ranks of the MLPD, maybe, why not.”

“PS: I nearly choked on my Currywurst when you texted me the news. Please warn me in the future, or I will revoke Worker’s Spatula’s ICOR funding.”

Turkish State to Render Worker’s Spatula Obsolete

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ISTANBUL – The Turkish state continues its campaign to render Worker’s Spatula irrelevant in the Turkish context by outdoing in real practice the absurd fantasies of the Worker’s Spatula writing team.

In a well-known incident last March 8th, six women from the Kurdish women’s movement were charged with displaying banners with women who were assumed to be “members of [the PKK]” on them, but were in fact Clara Zetkin and Rosa Luxemburg. In a similar incident, two members of TÖPG, the militant communist organisation which now controls the de facto People’s Republic of Hatay, were just apprehended as they got off a bus in Istanbul for possession of a cell phone displaying the image of known terrorist leader Frida Kahlo.

An employee of the bus company had reported to the police that a woman with a suspicious cellphone cover was on the bus, immediately resulting in a “terror warning”. What happened next is not exactly clear, but Worker’s Spatula was able to acquire the following information: The cellphone cover in question was indeed a picture of Frida Kahlo. Some media outlets reported that she was taken to be a member of ISIS, and others reported that she was understood to be a Kurdish guerrilla of some sort. We are to assume that the Turkish state does not know the difference between the two, particularly given their repeated statements to this effect.

Further, the heroic bus company employee alerted the authorities that the TÖPG members in question were both foreigners, who confusingly spoke fluent Turkish, but also some strange and therefore hostile language. Given that literally all of TÖPG’s members are Alawite Arabs, this language must have been Arabic, but what are you going to do, you know?

Seriously, we are just reporting real news from Turkey at this point and it sounds like satire. What are we supposed to do with this?

All Turkish Linguists Fired for Chomsky Ties

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ANKARA – Against the backdrop of the ongoing war of words between self-described “neo-reactionary” Turkish President Erdoğan and famed American linguist and anarchist Noam Chomsky over the killing of civilians in Turkish Kurdistan, all linguists in all Turkish universities have been fired from their posts, while several of the especially generative linguists in the country were taken into custody for their excessive citations of Noam Chomsky’s work in the field.

Prime Minister Davutoğlu defended the decision, in his best attempt at a macho Erdoğan-esque voice, saying “This state does not have to tolerate so-called ‘intellectuals’ peddling terrorist theories about ‘universal grammar’ and ‘X-bars’. Even the name ‘X-bar’ makes clear the PKK sympathies of the Pennsylvanian linguists who are trying to infiltrate our schools with their separatist ideas.”

Confusion has reigned for days in Turkey as a result of the AKP government’s attempts to reconcile its narrative with the practical reality of carrying out day-to-day repression. Following widespread agreement from right-wing elements that calling for children to not be killed was PKK propaganda, officials from several municipal governments began joining in feminist pro-choice protests and arresting counter-protesters as “Chomskyan anarchist Armenian agents”.

In an attempt to put a stop to pro-choice behaviour by AKP officials, a communiqué was sent out stating that religious values dictated that “unborn children” ought never to be killed, but that only communist separatist terrorists spoke out against the killing of children who had been born. As a result, PKK leader and “baby killer” Abdullah Öcalan was freed for a period of twenty minutes.

Worker’s Spatula was able to get this comment from the recently-fired official blamed for the brief freeing of Öcalan: “After they recaptured Öcalan, I asked them, ‘which was right? Are the PKK killing children and we oppose that, or are we killing children and the PKK are bad for condemning it?’. They said I was talking like the PKK now, and that clearly I wasn’t cut out for work for the linguistically functionalist Turkish state, and I should go see if Chomsky would employ me.”

At press time, KCK co-chair Murat Karayılan was being interviewed live from Kandil about the similarities between the minimalist programme and Democratic Confederalism.

Conference of Anglo Trotskyists on Syria a Huge Hit with Turkish and Kurdish Left

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ISTANBUL – Friday’s “Understanding the Syrian Revolution” conference was a rousing success, with presentations by many Trotskyist organisations from English-speaking countries, and a strong turnout from many left-wing organisations in Istanbul, glad to finally understand the Syrian context thanks to the informed work of the Trotskyists.

An older EMEP member who chose to remain anonymous revealed his impressions to our correspondent: “I had always thought Trotskyists were idiots, but now that I’ve seen the brilliant analysis they do in English-speaking countries, I suddenly see that I’ve been on the wrong path all along. Truly they are right, and the primary contradiction is Assad, and not the jihadists. How could we, from right next to Syria, have been so blind, and the Anglos’ eyes been so wide open? For this I blame Stalin, who I renounce at once, forever.”

The most heated moment came in the form of a debate between the Spartacist League of the UK and the ISO from the US on the subject: “ISIS: Harmless or Heroic?” While both sides agreed that the biggest danger to Syrian civilians was the Assad regime, the ISO’s position was that ISIS didn’t kill so many civilians and would be easily defeated by the famous progressive secular Arab rebels, who were much more powerful on the ground, and therefore needn’t factor into our calculations, whereas the Spartacist position was that ISIS was the only powerful anti-imperialist force on the ground, and would easily wipe out all their rivals, including the regime, rival rebel groups, and the PYD.

The debate ended with the Spartacist representative referring to her counterpart from the ISO as a “CIA agent”, and the ISO representative defended himself by saying that while his position didn’t differ from the CIA’s, the lack of a paycheque from Langley should absolve him of all responsibility. Both sides then took questions, to which they provided generic answers about the need for proletarian revolution.

Around 3 PM, there was deep interest by various Alawite organisations in a presentation by representatives of a small Trotskyist organisation from the US called League for the Revolutionary Party, entitled “Why Salih Muslim is Wrong about Assad.” All Alawites in attendance, who were predominantly affiliated with DHF, ESP, TÖPG, and DHKP-C, listened with keen interest as it was explained to them that it was sectarian to be concerned with the safety of Arab Alawites in Syria, and that real internationalist revolutionaries would support “the secular Syrian Revolution” without resorting to “petty tribalism”.

“The same goes for the Kurds. They need to stop worrying about the balance of the forces or national liberation and stand behind the real democratic forces in Syria.”

“They really opened our eyes,” explained Heval Şoreş, a Kurdish student in attendence. “Before I saw the Australian ‘Socialist Alternative’s talk entitled ‘Kurds Hate Freedom’, I had been blinded by the leadership of the Kurdish movement. Now I understand that I must become a real internationalist revolutionary, like the heroes in London and New York, and not tail behind a dead-end nationalist movement like the one we see in Rojava.”

Fearing that the anti-revisionist hegemony of the Turkish left has been shaken by the masterful propaganda coup by their Trotskyist counterparts, an emergency meeting of various anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninist groups in the US was called. So great are the fears of the anti-revisionists that Trotskyist hegemony will be extended from the Anglosphere into Turkey and North Kurdistan, that even hyper-sectarians like the RCPUSA attended and took an active role. At the meeting, they determined that a counter-conference would be held next week in Istanbul, entitled “We are not worthy! We worship you, o Turkish and Kurdish revolutionaries, who carry guns for the revolution! We are unworthy even to kiss your feet!”

Explaining that the situation was dire indeed, and nothing was off the table, a representative of the RCPUSA spoke to our correspondent.

“We’re all in this together, yeah?” said the RCPUSA representative. “We’ve already booked a ticket to fly Bob Avakian from… wherever he is… we won’t say, but probably the flight is gonna be out of JFK.”

“Besides, we’re sure if we can get some of our people into Gazi Mahallesi, MKP and TKP/ML will reconsider their position on the New Synthesis.”