First Annual “Stalin Did Nothing Wrong” Conference Organised

stalinsbirthday

ATHENS – In honour of the birthday of Comrade Stalin, the KKE has taken the initiative to organise a massive conference in Athens in honour of the completely error-free life of the nicest human being ever to be born: Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin.

The “Stalin Did Nothing Wrong” Conference will be held every year going forward, with possible candidate cities for next year’s conference including Volgograd (in Russia), and Gori (in Georgia).

Despite its decidely un-Soviet nostalgic location (the inevitable result of the material conditions under which the conference was planned), turnout was tremendous. Delegates arrived from countries as varied as India, Chile, Turkey, Togo, and the UK to offer presentations on the overwhelming rightness of Stalin in word and deed.

A panel was organised specifically for the UK defenders of Comrade Stalin, including the CPGB-ML, NCP, and the RCPB-ML. The NCP representative presented on “Frida Kahlo as Stalinist, de Rivera as Trotskyite”, the RCPB-ML presented on “Youth Culture: can Stalin be incorporated into it?”, and the CPGB-ML presented on “Please ignore the first two presentations at this panel, we are the only British people who defend Comrade Stalin”.

George Galloway was not invited to present, but had his own table outside the conference where he stopped women comrades entering the building to ask them if they thought he was more handsome than Stalin.

A representative of the Turkish party TKİP repeated its call, consistent in all international gatherings in which they are present, for all genuine Marxist-Leninists across the world to grow glorious Stalin-style moustaches. During the question-and-answer session for this panel, a Worker’s Spatula representative condemned the “butch dominance” of “formalistic Stalinism”, demanding a “femme equivalent to the Stalin moustache” be found. The TKİP responded that the Spatula correspondent was a “Foucaultite wrecker and clear agent of the MLKP”.

Despite tremendous disagreement on the most basic questions of history and current practice, a toast was held at the end of the evening to “unity in struggle, and struggle in unity”, at which point a giant mpaklavas, dyed so as to resemble a painting of Comrade Stalin, was wheeled out to cheers and the traditional birthday song of Georgia’s most famous native son:

Advertisements

Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr Declares People’s War on CPBG-ML, Chaos Ensues

wrsp

CARDIFF – Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr, a small Maoist group based in Wales, advocating Welsh national liberation and socialism, today began their long-promised “anti-colonial struggle” with a bombing of a CPBG-ML march in Cardiff, itself directed against South Korean aggression against the DPRK.

Three were killed and eleven injured.

Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr released a statement within an hour of the bombing, claiming responsibility and confirming CPGB-ML as their intended target, chosen for their “Brezhnevite deformation of Maoist theory” and their “denial of the existence of a Welsh nation”.

Harpal Brar, chairman of the CPGB-ML, promptly responded by labelling Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr “South Korean agents”, “bourgeois Welsh nationalists”, and “worst of all, just generally Welsh.”

In response to the bombing, the Spartacist League of Britain staged a demonstration in support of the CPGB(ML), declaring them victims of “imperialist aggression against the deformed worker’s state in North Korea.”

Known cunt David Aaronovitch immediately responded by calling on Jeremy Corbyn to issue condemnations of Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr and the Spartacist League, alleging that Corbyn possessed “worrying” connections to both: The Spartacist League had sold newspapers outside a Palestinian Solidarity Campaign event where Corbyn was speaking, while Corbyn’s connection to Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr was alleged on the grounds that “if Corbyn supports the IRA, surely he supports Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr.”

“And they’re all anti-Semites”, added Aaronovitch.

Corbyn promptly responded by accusing both Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr and CPGB-ML of “Maoist revisionism” and “collaboration with imperialism”, and ordering defence drills to be carried out in the Islington bunkers.

George Galloway, who was intercepted by one of our correspondents as he was returning from an important cigar-buying errand, praised Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr for “irritating the Zionist stooge Aaronovitch”, but reiterated that he, like CPGB-ML, considers the Welsh “annoying and stupid, no matter what they do.”