US Democrats Who Won’t Shut Up About “Russian Conspiracy” Part of Liechtenstein Conspiracy


WASHINGTON DC – Speaking on conditions of anonymity and that if for any reason their identity should be compromised, we would take them into a safehouse for the foreseeable future, a US State Department official revealed some shocking details about the ongoing “#RussiaGate” controversy in that country:

“Any reasonable person can see that the media and various public figures are kind of running with the idea that Russia’s behind every single controversy in the United States, without any of these necessarily making any sense. That’s not the interesting part.

“Some of us started getting suspicious around the time they declared Jill Stein was backed by the Russians. Now, it’s conceivable that Russia would want to use a third party vote to get Trump into office, but then they started talking about Sanders as part of some Russian conspiracy. Sanders would’ve beaten Trump, so that doesn’t make any sense.

“By now I’m sure you’ve heard, the DSA is Russia, #AbolishICE is Russia, Black Lives Matter, it’s all Russia, right? Now nobody can really believe all of that, can they? Is it just journalists having a bit of fun? But then why are Democrats going along with it? So I asked Senator [REDACTED], ‘do you really believe all this stuff about Black Lives Matter being paid by the Russians and so on?’, well he tells me ‘no, but I have to say it’.

“‘Why, the lobbyists?’ I asked, ‘which ones?’. Now, I could imagine all sorts of big money interests behind the Democrats want to keep steering the party as far right as they can, but no, he says, ‘certain fanatical anti-communist groups, if you know what I mean’.”

At this juncture, our informant gave our correspondent a meaningful look.

“Anyone who’s worked for the State Department for even a week knows he means Liechtenstein. I mean, you know these fucks, they still have their Nazi war criminal monument, they use their banking money to put the kibosh on anything that stinks of socialism from here to Sydney.”

[REDACTED], our top secret source at [REDACTED BOURGEOIS NEWS SOURCE], confirmed that several individuals with “German accents” had been seen going into meetings with journalists who were reporting on “RussiaGate”:

Yeah, #MeToo suddenly became Russian, every protest became Russian, I asked [REDACTED] if she felt ethical about spreading such obviously fake news, and she said ‘they offered me an all-expenses-paid trip to Vaduz for Memorial Day Weekend, what do I care if people who will vote for anyone who’s not a Republican think about some marginal left groups?’

I think it’s disgusting personally, but that’s the society we’ve been living in for some time: corporations own the media, special interests own the politicians, and when Liechtenstein says jump, everyone says ‘how high?’

It’s a shame that so many people who aren’t directly benefiting from Liechteinstein’s hush money are parroting their line, but what can you do?

Asked about the allegation that Black Lives Matter, the #MeToo movement, the Green Party, and significant sections of the Sanders campaign and the DSA (particularly the Boston branch) were all under the control of US ICOR affiliate ROL, [REDACTED] responded “well sure, but there’s no money in telling the truth, is there?”

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Point/Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong


Point: Jeremy Gong is Hillary Clinton
by Ray O’Light of the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA

Dear friends,
It seems our attention is drawn once again to California for an election. But this time not for an election sanctioned by the state, but by the local East Bay branch of the Democratic Socialists of America, an all-US organization made popular in the aftermath of the progressive petty bourgeois social-democrat Bernie Sanders campaign for president which our forces supported.

On the one side stands the so-called “Bread and Roses” slate, headed by Jeremy Gong, who cannot seem to make a single political argument without legitimizing themselves through Bernie Sanders, their “socialist” hero. On the other stands the Working-Class Unity and Power slate, which stands for uniting the reformist demands of the rising “socialist” tide associated with Sanders with the rightful demands of Afro-Americans, LGBT, and other marginalized folks.

It should come as no surprise which side we endorse. The San Francisco Bay Area shows great potential for revolutionary struggle, and we are heartened to hear through Worker’s Spatula that some of our readers are engaged in the Working-Class Unity and Power slate’s campaign to bring down the “Bread and Roses” clique, composed as far as we understand of Trotskyites and other imperialist tools masquerading as socialists. The Working-Class Unity and Power slate, on the other hand, despite its ideological diversity, seems committed to confronting fascism, imperialism, and capitalism, on a platform we can say is excellent, even exemplary given the current conjecture.

We hope that this will be the first step towards more intense vanguard struggle on behalf of the working class, oppressed nationalities, women, LGBT, and other marginalized folks in the San Francisco Bay Area and across California.

We must, however, warn our young friends and comrades of the East Bay DSA that Jeremy Gong, despite posing himself as a Sanders with every self-congratulatory breath he takes, shows all the tell-tale signs of being a Clinton. The “Bread and Roses” clique will attempt to use all power in their hands to do to the Working-Class Unity and Power slate what Clinton did in June 2016: Gong and his Trotskyite followers may use their control of the mechanisms of the East Bay DSA communication and electoral process to divert the attention of the less organized masses in the East Bay DSA and declare their own slate victorious without even counting the votes, if they do not resort to ballot box-stuffing, intimidation, or even violence.

Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, believes in a “progress” that must be legitimized by its “popularity”, a popularity they get to define in terms of the views shaped the organs of bourgeois media in the service of imperialism, when they are not simply declaring themselves popular through these same channels without any regard to the masses themselves! Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, want to have Sanders’s petty bourgeois progressivism on their own terms, without even Sanders’s own bold stances against Wall Street in the legal electoral sphere!

Jeremy Gong can tell everyone who will listen that he aspires to be Bernie Sanders all he likes, but we were on the Sanders campaign trail working to push it further while defending its positive qualities against the enemy. If Jeremy Gong had been there, which he wasn’t, he would’ve been one of those “helpful” Clinton supporters telling Sanders and his supporters to “be realistic”, every single step of the way!

A vote for Jeremy Gong or anyone in his “Bread and Roses” clique is a vote for Hillary Clinton, not Bernie Sanders. If the masses in the East Bay DSA really want to carry Sanders’s progressive message of fighting Wall Street rule forward, they will not only vote for Working-Class Unity and Power on April 29th, they will arrive early and united, prepared for any treachery and trickery Jeremy Gong has planned! Not only with our votes, with our voices and our actions, we must show Jeremy Gong what Working-Class Unity and Power is!

Contact us at: Boxholder
607 Boylston St. Lower Level Box 464
Boston, MA 02116 USA

Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong is Adolf Hitler
by Worker’s Spatula Representative

With all due respect for Brother Ray and the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA, the only US ICOR affiliate and most heroic Marxist-Leninist voice in that country, we must disagree. We have been speaking extensively to our correspondents in the East Bay, and it is clear to us that Jeremy Gong is not a DSA local equivalent to Hillary Clinton, but to Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler!

Hillary Clinton, while she does not care at all for the poor, the oppressed, or revolutionaries, and indeed, like all bourgeois imperialist stooges, actively aids in undermining our struggle, is not a reflection of any particular stage of the crisis. There have been Hillary Clintons for decades, and there will be Hillary Clintons for years to come.

Jeremy Gong, however, connects himself to the crisis for the same objective and subjective reasons as all fascists: he seeks to subvert the rising socialist movement in the crisis and replace it with a form of “struggle” conducive to the interests of capital. Replacing class struggle with a meaningless “socialism” which actively harms the oppressed, Jeremy Gong’s brand of “socialism” is about as meaningful as the “national socialism” espoused by the Nazi party.

Jeremy Gong and his clique want to use underhanded means to sweep aside the communists and all revolutionaries, so he can rise to power as a champion of the petty bourgeoisie, the labour aristocracy, and the most opportunistic elements of the lumpenproletariat. His brand of “socialism” will bring nothing but misery to the oppressed nationalities of the imperialist United States, whose neighbourhoods will be filled with jackbooted fascist police forces at his beck and call, whose terror will be used to keep them in line, while communists are disappeared in the middle of the night for resisting his regime.

Our correspondents in the East Bay have begun sleeping in shifts, watching the windows of their living spaces with a gun in their hand like Malcolm X. We cannot guarantee how long the legal space for resisting Jeremy Gong will remain open for these heroic comrades. We cannot say when they will be forced into open armed struggle against Jeremy Gong and his militias who work hand in glove with the alt-right, the police, and all other forces of fascism and imperialism.

Most of all, we fear for the safety of dear Hasan, who has so bravely and openly accepted to work with the Spatula in spite of the real danger that comes with being associated with such vocal and revolutionary critics of Jeremy Gong and all other fascists. May Allah protect our Anatolian angel in Oakland on Sunday.

We are now counting the hours until the East Bay DSA Steering Committee election. We hope for a sound and peaceful victory for the Working-Class Unity and Power slate. We hope that their votes, words, and unity will overpower this narrow fascist clique who have seized control of the East Bay DSA. But make no mistake: we fully expect that these fascists will not only steal this election, but will silence our people using every violent tool at their disposal.

Remain ever vigilant! Jeremy Gong and all fascists must not be allowed in our midst! Vote Hasan! ¡No pasarán!

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Humourless Marxist Reviews: Worker’s Spatula


What follows is a Humourless Marxist Review that was originally to be published on Worker’s Spatula – Marxist-Leninist prior to the faction’s reunification with Worker’s Spatula, in which WS–ML reviewed the page from which they had split in terms of our perceived shortcomings. It has been edited so as to not be in ALL CAPS.

Worker’s Spatula is a pompous rag for pseudo-revolutionaries which attempts to cover up its total lack of meaningful intervention into practical politics with a series of jokes so juvenile that even here in Australia they seem a bit insulting to the level of intellectual discourse we expect.

Even where the writers can excuse this total waste of time of a website by making reference to their own political work outside of it, they’re powerless to deny that the overwhelming majority of their readership practise a masturbatory political apathy fueled by depression-anxiety which Worker’s Spatula enable by providing them content with which to obscure their own objective distance from the proletariat and organised politics as such.

Particularly in the US, where most of their readers are.

The page used to do exclusively satire pieces, which, particularly when Australian writers were involved, were occasionally funny. Now they’re trying to reinvent themselves as some sort of lighthearted “platform”, so they don’t even have to make proper jokes anymore. They just write whatever’s on their bloody minds in between classes!

The worst of all their stupid ideas would have to be their “Humourless Marxist Reviews”, which in addition to not being proper satire, couldn’t even really pretend to refer to politics at all. Contrary to what the name implies, they were just stupid jokes about media they hadn’t always even reviewed. These were also the pieces where the “Marxist” analysis was at its thinnest as well. Hopefully they’ll cut that out now that we’ve called them out for it.

They’ve also gone soft on anarchists and Trots lately, particularly since so few of the writers are still in Turkey, the homeland of Marxism-Leninism.

It’s also extremely repetitive. Oh, another piece about your depression, [REDACTED]? Couldn’t have seen that coming. Oh, you’re going to write about the DSA, better mention how the ROL is in charge of it, particularly the Boston branch, for the thousandth time! Oh, another joke about Trump being a communist who’s trying to delegitimise bourgeois democracy and US imperialism and “accelerate the contradictions”? PICK A NEW FUCKING JOKE, YOU HACKS.

Hey, here’s a joke for you: what’s the US equivalent of RaFFWU, the fighting trade union for fast food workers here in Australia? You’d never know from reading Worker’s Spatula, a site with mostly US readers named after the fact that its founders all worked in fast food at some point in their lives, although clearly not any single one of their writers based in the US at present!

All in all, you can see why we left. The only Marxist publication in the English language which has less potential to meaningfully raise up the general theoretical level of internet Marxists and offer an inventive new way to practically intervene in the organising of the next generation of revolutionaries… is all of them.

Give it up now, you cunts.

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#SaveEBDSA: On Leadership and the Masses, or: Fuck Jeremy Gong pt. II


On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers:

As everyone knows, Jeremy Gong wrote a shitty excuse piece for Medium about trading his soul to the Devil at the crossroads in exchange for being anointed Messiah of the Mass Socialist Movement to Come™. It was garbage and should be thrown out, but we cannot avoid responding to it before the election on April 29th, when, God willing, Jeremy Gong and his Bread and Roses clique will be cast out from the East Bay DSA Steering Committee by the revolutionary masses as Satan was cast “as a profane thing from the mountain of God” by God Almighty [Ezekiel 28:16], amen.

Damn thee, Satan! We rebuke thee and all of thy works! Thou art naught but the Antichrist, a liar, profaner of the DSA! May a healing fire sweep through the DSA and free us from thee and all of thy wicked followers, amen!


Without further ado, behold how Jeremy Gong deceives the people:

On the one hand are those of us who are tired of both the useless compromise politics of the liberal center and the dead-end wheel-spinning of the activist left.

Here Jeremy Gong positions himself and his gaggle of shits as the only meaningful alternative both to self-congratulatory politics which do not connect to practical results for the masses, and the “compromise” politics which actually likewise produces no practical results for the masses. They are part of the totality of idealist “left” opposition to bourgeois politics in the imperialist United States of AmeriKKKa, eschewing material progress either by selling it out in exchange for bright lights or by disengaging from it in favour of feeling like a hip part of an elite club.

How are the Bread and Roses slate different from this? Well, in the first instance, because they do share some proposals for meaningful progress, namely, the Medicare For All campaign which is the fig leaf for their treachery.

Gong is particularly fond of routinely connecting this and his own personage to Bernie Sanders, who himself is known for being the target of near endless criticisms from the revolutionary left. But there are serious differences between Sanders and Gong, particularly with regard to claims to being “democratic” and “socialist”. Sanders stands for a shift to the left of the Democratic Party. Whatever our readers feel about this particular project, this means he is for more “socialism” in this party, which itself represents more “democratic” accountability to the Democratic Party’s base, who, since 2008, increasingly openly detest Wall Street rule.

By contrast, Gong stands for a shift back to the right of the DSA, for less “socialism”, as it were. From putting the brake on the brakelights campaign, to standing against the righteous reformist demand for police abolition popular in the local and endorsed at the “national”* level (very “democratic”!), Jeremy Gong and his frankly unpleasant friends stand for “one step forward” (in the form of the Medicare For All campaign) in order to legitimise as many steps back as possible.

And for all Gong’s attempts to link himself to Sanders’s “mass” “democratic” approach to “socialism”, how democratically minded is he? For all of our criticisms of Sanders, he is occasionally receptive to criticism, and will backpedal, with or without self-criticism. Charged with being soft on Israel, he refused to meet with AIPAC. Charged with not knowing how to engage with Black Lives Matter and Afro-Americans more broadly, he used the slogan “Black Lives Matter” during the debates with Clinton and travelled to Jackson, Mississippi, where Cooperation Jackson and the masses continue their ongoing struggles, and where he was well-received by the masses.

Jeremy Gong stands aloof from the masses and responds to criticism with defensive posturing about how he already represents the masses (because he says so!), instead of apologising to those he insults, he admits he has been offensive, before changing the subject as quickly as possible, and instead of acknowledging his complicity in racism and indeed reifying patronising views of the oppressed within an organisation opposed in word to oppression, he evades the point entirely and attempts to curry sympathy with reference to his disability.

All of this is to say: while Jeremy Gong is doing all this, he wants you to know that the “other” path must be the “middle path” between open opportunism (when Gong’s open opportunism and careerism are well-known) and sectarian “activism”. Given his assessment in the rest of the piece, it is already known that he ascribes to all of those who disagree with him identity with the latter trend. Not only on behalf of Spatula correspondents working within the DSA, but on behalf of the entire left wing of the DSA, we reject this in the strongest terms: our extreme willingness to compromise in order to achieve real results has been demonstrated again and again, and it is the Gongite clique’s unwillingness to allow for a democratic discussion within the East Bay DSA which prevents the many principled “left” elements of the East Bay DSA from demonstrating the falsehood of the blanket claims Jeremy Gong makes against his opponents in this slanderous hit piece, this FAKE NEWS.

Let’s read on:

these workers are part of a nascent working-class movement is making history across impoverished, austerity-wracked “red” states.

Literally nobody is opposed to these strikes and Jeremy Gong must know it, and he must likewise know that he and his hand-wringing crypto-liberal pseudo-socialist cronies cannot claim these strikes as their sole property, or as only possible through a DSA under their control. What we defend is not selling out all other struggles in the service of tailing the worst caricature of “red” state white workers. What we defend is raising high the banner of all poor and oppressed, not only those who are already in a relatively strong position with regard to established legal politics. The only principled stance is to try to unite such workers with all other poor and oppressed on the basis of their unity and not on the basis of chauvinistic dismissal! However difficult Jeremy Gong imagines this goal to be is irrelevant: history has shown how quickly such “socialists” are co-opted by the fascist movement.

Quite apart from this general picture, Jeremy Gong does not live in or organise in such an “austerity-wracked ‘red’ state”. He lives in the East Bay, where, as we all know, one is able to articulate ideas FAR to the left of the US average and still be taken seriously. What’s more, he lives in Oakland, a city where it is nakedly obvious to any but the most oblivious or right-wing resident that the evils of capitalism are to be seen particularly in the victims of gentrification and police violence, whom Jeremy Gong seems only willing to stand up for on the terms of total congruence with the needs of the relatively privileged sectors of Oakland society. He is like the “cool” “local” roommate the tech bros keep around, almost as a pet, at reduced rent. Where is the platform of socialists that speaks uncomfortable truths to that Oakland? Nowhere near the clean lips of Jeremy Gong!

Why should a “leader” in the most mainstream socialist organisation in the US demand that this organisation in this social context move to the right of the US average for this same organisation? Because he is a shameful wrecker bent on holding back the righteous anger of the youth, of the poor, of the oppressed, returning them to subservience to their Wall Street masters, no matter his words to the contrary! He can trot out Frances Reade’s “disillusionment” with the Democratic Party, but Frances Reade and Jeremy Gong owe the downtrodden masses of Oakland a reason to not be “disillusioned” with empty white saviourism, which they seem to think is only possible by not helping fix brakelights or otherwise organically connecting to the needs and struggles of the actual toiling classes!

Jeremy Gong then inspires us with a quote from his insipid faction’s tepid analysis document:

To build the power of the working class today, East Bay DSA should pursue mass action as our strategic orientation. This means gearing our activities toward the diverse working-class majority not yet in DSA — through canvassing, demonstrations, town halls, rank-and-file unionism, independent media, and more — and bringing them into open conflict with landlords, bosses, and their political functionaries.

Notice that this liar and deceiver’s idea of “mass action” only works when he controls the action of the mass. He can say:

We are a “big tent” organization and a democracy, meaning there is no party line we must adhere to, no cabal of leaders deciding our direction.

But the moment something slips even slightly out of his comfort zone, something runs contrary to the decided “direction” of the “party line” of his little “cabal of leaders”, like the completely legal brakelights campaign, or the popular police abolition platform, he patronisingly speaks for communities with which he has no contact, he shuts down all debate within the branch (so much for “independent media” if it’s independent of Jeremy Gong!), and ensures that no one can question the Gospel of Gong. He behaves, despite all pretense, like the Democratic National Convention, or Bob Avakian! Democratic in word, dictatorial in deed! Democratic in form, the form of the election which the Democratic Party already practises, dictatorial in essence!

But there’s one thing that the villain Jeremy Gong did not count on: Worker’s Spatula, the official press organ of the revolution, who have been gathering our forces in the East Bay for over a year and will now fight tooth and nail to expose this wrecker activity and liberate the East Bay DSA for the good of the progress of the revolution of all the poor and oppressed!

We will stand together with whatever forces are building such a real movement among the revolutionary masses, organising everyday life in all spheres on the terms of the needs of the people, led by them and leading them, not patronisingly passing down bureaucratic dictats to the people on what is and what is not democratic and what is and what is not socialism in the eyes of their natural-born saviour!

What does Jeremy Gong have to say about such a line, that he calls “The Inward DSA” (when it is his “outward” clique who will not face outward to the masses, and who turn inward to their inner circle at the slightest conflict)? Let us turn back to the document signed in his name, which was doubtless written by someone at Jacobin or some other Kautskyite, as evidenced by his complete lack of ability to respond to Worker’s Spatula’s rightful public critiques of his reactionary line. First Jeremy Gong points a finger of blame unrelated to the actual political line at the Boston DSA:

Friday afternoon, a Boston DSAer’s Twitter account published links and a series of screenshots showing private documents for the Bread & Roses slate written by me and some other East Bay DSA comrades marked in bold, Not for circulation — do not share. Because we are organizers, we had a Google Drive full of organizing documents, tools, and spreadsheets.

The Boston DSA are known to be mostly controlled by US ICOR affiliate ROL at this point. Those of us who have met Ray know that he would never let such unscrupulous and undisciplined behaviour go uncriticised, and the lack of any public self-criticism by the Boston DSA therefore stands more or less as proof of the falsehood of these claims. But nonetheless, let’s hear more of Gong’s sob story:

How these documents were accessed by strangers isn’t totally clear, but the intention of the people who did it is: they seek to intimidate members of DSA from engaging in the most basic democratic organizing within our organization and to give us all the sense that even in pursuing ordinary political goals in a political organization, we are subject to a climate of hostile surveillance and attacks

Oh, saints preserve us! You would think that Jeremy Gong was not himself intimidating, harassing, and silencing all of his critics on any subject up to this point. The way he sanctimoniously condemns this leak as contrary to “the most basic democratic organizing” and “a climate of hostile surveillance and attacks”, you would think he was living under the equivalent of the fascist rule of the Turkish AKP (whose rhetoric is indistinguishable from Jeremy Gong’s in any way, particularly due to their shared hatred of the Kurdish liberation movement). But to give Gong his due, such a theft of documents would be very difficult to justify and defend. If it had happened.

If Jeremy Gong, dictator of the East Bay DSA, were not controlling his local with the iron fist of Erdoğan himself, everyone would have already read the real story behind this “theft”. For those curious, it can be read here, but the short version is that the documents were publicly accessible when they were sent out together with the claim that the DSA stands only for Jeremy Gong’s re-election. There was no hacking, there was no theft, Jeremy Gong simply sends out mass e-mails with his horrific politics in them, and when he includes more than he likes and discovers he’s not as popular as he imagines, he cries foul for public criticisms.

We could go on, but we have other things to do on a Tuesday night. We repeat again our support for the Working-Class Unity and Power slate in the upcoming April 29th elections, to which we hope all of you bring a spatula, and our hope that Hasan will be elected and Jeremy Gong will not, and further pray to Jesus, who is the Christ, that the entire Bread and Roses slate will not only go unelected, but will be made to answer for their crimes against the DSA, the poor, the oppressed, the youth, humanity, and God.

If this does not happen, it’s patently obvious why. As the Spatula has now intervened to expose Jeremy Gong as the servant of darkness which he is to the entire East Bay DSA, any real democratic process would quickly right the wrong of the Bread and Roses clique’s undemocratic dominance of the East Bay DSA, and subsequently all internal East Bay DSA channels would be democratised. If this does not happen, it can only be because the April 29th election was rigged, or Jeremy Gong uses his known connections to the Oakland Police Department to silence his critics within the Spatula and the East Bay DSA. We cannot allow this to happen. Jeremy Gong must be stopped by any means necessary.

Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

*Here we must, as always, register our displeasure with reference to pan-US activities being referred to as “national”. The United States of AmeriKKKa is a multinational imperialist state, composed not only of the formally legally recognised indigenous nations and nationalities still yearning for freedom and decolonisation, but also an oppressed Afro-American nation separate from the oppressor Yankee nation who are all Jeremy Gong and his racist cohorts can see. This point is pertinent to be raised even among our fellow travellers in the Working-Class Unity and Power slate, who have not yet accepted the importance of explicit and open support for national liberation for the Afro-American nation including land and popular political power in the Black Belt South, although the “national” DSA Twitter account referred to support for “the right to self determination like MXGM’s Jackson Plan”, so we are hopeful for such developments in the future.

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US Democrats Reconcile with History: Apologise for la Guerra Sucia


BOSTON – Liberals across the United States are ecstatic about the speech given by Joe Kennedy III, not only for his bold stance against Donald Trump, but also because many analysts are hailing it as evidence that the momentum started by Bernie Sanders is finally bearing fruit, with the Democratic Party moving firmly to the left and reconciling with the US’s dark Cold War history.

“A lot of people have been claiming that our party stands for nothing,” explained Congressperson Kennedy in his latest speech in Boston, where several Beltway big shots, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the congressperson’s charismatic articulation of the youthful Zeitgeist in the US showed strong potential for a second Kennedy presidency soon. “Those people couldn’t be more wrong. We are a party of the 99%, we are a party of togetherness and fairness, we are the party of great Americans like Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Hillary Clinton.”

“A lot of people talk about making America great again. But those people have got to talk about what’s gone wrong in America in the first place!” shouted Kennedy to cheers from youthful supporters, taken with his handsome Kennedy face. “There’s a dark chapter in US history, where we let down the international community and our most deeply cherished values, and the current administration has done nothing to make this right!” exclaimed Kennedy, pounding his fist on the podium for emphasis.

“I’m referring of course, to the Dirty War in Argentina, and our other crimes against our Latin American neighbours during the Cold War. Oh, it was a dirty war indeed, my fellow Americans. Dirty because of the damage to the environment done by the bullets used to clean up the terrorists of the ERP. Dirty because of their filthy blood which dirtied the beautiful streets of Buenos Aires and the clean soil of Tucumán. And dirty because of the pollution of the ocean and air that resulted from Pinochet’s having to fly all those reds out in helicopters on the death flights.

“You want to make America great again? Let’s commit to our environment, and to a green, sustainable CIA! This is what the Democrats stand for! Let’s make it happen, America!”

The Boston DSA, which is widely suspected of having been converted into a front for the clandestine US ICOR affiliate ROL, were found protesting outside the venue distributing flyers with the following statement:

The workers and oppressed nationalities of the US shouldn’t be fooled by the Wall Street stooge Joe Kennedy, with his fake environmentalism and his fake overtures to Black Lives Matter. If Black lives are going to matter, to really matter, then we all have to strengthen the fight for the liberation of the oppressed Afro-American people by uniting their struggle with the other peoples oppressed by imperialism around the world. And that means first and foremost their brothers and sisters in Latin America! Black lives SHOULD matter, and they should matter just as the lives of Argentinians and Chileans should matter.

As our comrades in the PTP said to us at the last joint meeting of democratic socialists in the Americas, while addressing the fascist dictatorship which killed so many of their people in the years to which Joe Kennedy III refers: “We see no difference in the deaths of our bright Argentine youth disappeared by the fascist junta and those of the Afro-American youth being cut down in their prime in North America by the police of the great imperialist states. Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!”

That’s the spirit of proletarian internationalism that real democratic socialists like us or the PTP bring to the table. The workers and oppressed nationalities of the United States shouldn’t be hoodwinked by Kennedy’s flowery words! The real enemy is at home!

The local chapter of the CPUSA, for its part, were available for comment at the request of Worker’s Spatula. A suitably elderly man greeted us at the appointed meeting point in the Boston Commons:

“Sure we understand why the DSA kids don’t like Kennedy, they’re young and angry, full of fire. I like that. But the thing is, you’ve got to be wicked smart if you want to beat someone like Trump. You gotta let things go like the Cold War, or being able to pay for college, or whatever.

“It’s ultra-leftism to criticise Kennedy just because he wants to suppress and silence us and everyone like us, forever, and maintain every aspect of the status quo that we criticise. Because, if you think about it, he might run for president, and do you want Trump to win?

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Humourless Marxist Reviews: Star Wars: The Last Jedi


CW: Spoilers, accusations of “narodnism”

In a brazen cash grab following the massive success of the third and final installment in the Star Wars trilogy, George Lucas has seen fit to produce a sequel entitled “The Last Jedi”. Rumours already abound that this may be the beginning of a new sequel trilogy (which, since the entire thing takes place “a long time ago”, is more properly termed a “prequel”).

Due to overwhelming demand, Worker’s Spatula have dispatched their finest EMEP-affiliated film critics to determine the political character of this new War in the Star.

We are sad to report that contrary to the rumours, this film is not Marxist-Leninist propaganda, which frankly is the least you can ask from your science fiction. Progressive? Perhaps, but with grave organisational shortcomings that, among Marxist-Leninists such as ourselves, we should not shy away from criticising.

Are the forces of the New Order arch-reactionaries, imperialists, and fascists? Without any doubt. Is the struggle of the Resistance against them right? It is right, and the audience is right to identify with it. But can we avoid mentioning the scene where a distress signal was sent out, and no one answered Leia’s call? Should this not have been a sign to our heroes that they had been outmanoeuvred by the enemy? Read the Art of War, Leia.

But Leia’s mistakes as commander are not limited to particular moments of miscalculation or desperation: the general lack of training and discipline is apparent from the reckless decisions her individual troops take. Whether it’s Finn or Joe Pomeranian, the men of the Resistance get to pose themselves as heroes by carrying out great acts of revenge on their foe, but only by continuously taking adventurist risks that are responsible for great losses for their own organisation! No rigorous process of criticism and self-criticism greets these wayward comrades, merely verbal warnings and demotions. How long is the Resistance to last if it takes such a laissez-faire attitude towards discipline, training, and tactics?

Even the women of the resistance, who are notably more sober-minded, have yet to articulate a coherent overall strategy. Nowhere in the film is the overall tactical line of the Resistance mentioned, instead we are treated to Mao Zedong’s quote that “a single spark can start a prairie fire”, repeated over and over again by all the main characters in unison as they stare into the camera for a period of twenty minutes. Maddening.

Rey O’Light travels to the Dagoba system to meet with Luke Skywalker, who obviously represents Enver Hoxha, and stays with him in a mountain bunker where they condemn the failings of the Jedi Council, a clear stand-in for the Soviet Union, in brutally critical terms befitting the post-Cold War reality that we as Marxist-Leninist revolutionaries face. This was the only good scene, and even it was ruined by the rampant idealism we already mentioned in our first review.

But then even she, the supposedly most theoretically advanced figure in the Resistance, doesn’t listen to Enver Skywalker and runs off to face Darth What’s-His-Name in the Death Star or whatever, and kills Emperor Palpatine with him, only so that a new ruling clique led by Darth Who’s-It can emerge! Stop trying to abolish things without abolishing the conditions that led to those things! Anarchism! Narodnism! Adventurism! Wookieism!

All of these critiques are not to say that we do not fully defend the role the Resistance is playing. But the very dangerous objective conditions which these political subjects face require that we soberly take account of the facts. The Resistance can win its space war, and it can win by recognising the leading role of the space proletariat, and engaging in a diversity of space tactics to align all the progressive space forces against the space class enemies whose space exploitation and space oppression are the actual material basis for Captain McBadguy or Darth Kyle or whatever his name is.

The film, to its credit, actually spends a great deal of time portraying the sympathy of the working class to the Resistance, and if our narodnik heroes can unite their military manoeuvres with the organic trends of the proletariat, we are confident that socialism can be achieved in one more film, without having to sit through a half-dozen more of these.

Please George Lucas, stop sending these brave young people on suicide missions. Don’t be DHKP/C. These are human beings whose lives are being thrown out in a galaxy far, far away thanks to your adventurism. Orient the Resistance line towards the proletariat now. Do it for your old friends at the Spatula.

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Sanders Raises Eyebrows with Campaign to “Make America Great Again”

make america great again

BURLINGTON, VERMONT – Bernie Sanders surprised many today by announcing his candidacy for President of the United States in the 2020 election, running on a campaign to “Make America Great Again”.

“I think I speak for all Americans when I say that things were better in the ’50s, with the more Keynesian economic policies, and the post-war togetherness, that we all, equally enjoyed,” explained the presidential hopeful to an assembled crowd in his adopted hometown of Burlington, Vermont whose number dwarfs that of all genuine Clinton supporters the world over.

“While I did actually win the 2016 election, and remain the only politician who is actually popular across the United States, I think we can all agree that 2020 is the year in which we can make everyone recognise America’s potential. Trump didn’t have the guts to identify the era in which America was previously great, but I will: it was the New Deal, and post-WWII reconstruction, and the Golden Era of Browder and Browderism. That’s what socialism is about, that’s what America is about, and we can make it great again.”

The DSA have been bowled over the announcement, with three distinct trends emerging in response. The rightmost trend, representing the pro-Obama/Clinton trend within the DSA, have already embraced the coming 2020 Sanders campaign: “This is the culmination of everything the DSA have been working for. Socialism is now mainstream, Democracy is now mainstream, democratic socialism is mainstream,” explained a spokesperson for the “Old Democratic Socialists Caucus”.

“I mean, they always were, because the police are socialist.”

The bulk of youth supporters of the DSA have been less enthusiastic. We spoke to one Sandra Young, of the Georgetown DSA: “Like a lot of young DSA recruits, I consider myself to the left of Sanders?” explained Sandra Young of the Georgetown DSA. “But I have to recognise that the DSA, as legal and friendly and big-tent as it is, is actually quite far left as far as the general US trends go? So we should probably support Sanders, but really? Make America Great Again? Like actually?”

“I would say I’m glad we’re not automatically supporting whatever the Democratic Party supports, but I can’t guarantee that the Democratic candidate won’t run on a platform of Making America Great Again, and call this their lone concession to ‘the left’ now, so I’d say that’s a pretty hollow victory?.”

Asked who she would vote for in the event of a choice between Trump/Clinton and a Sanders who believes only in concessions to that camp, Young responded she would “probably just cast a protest vote for Assata Shakur.”

ROL units deep within the southern chapters of the YDS reported cautious optimism about the direction of the DSA following Sanders’s announcement. A young militant who goes only by “the Southern Hoxhaist” had this to say: “I’m not sure what’s so surprising to everyone. Sanders thinks FDR was socialist, half the DSA think Sweden is socialist, and it’s now an official DSA position that China is socialist. Everyone who isn’t Georgist is basically Keynesian, and this is a result of the US’s decades-long isolation from the world revolutionary movement and the lack of any single genuine Marxist-Leninist party.

“However, if you have a grasp of the totality of the process, you’ll see that the trend among the youth is towards us. All around the US, young people eagerly await the release of the latest ROL newsletter so we can debate the contents in Marxist reading groups and DSA working groups. Ray is looking into the future, comrades, and it is shining brightly thanks to the red sun of socialism

“Sanders is on his last legs, the future belongs to ICOR. Revisionism is over, if you want it.”

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Worker’s Spatula Endorsement for US Presidency in 2020


DEEP IN THE MOUNTAINS OF KENTUCKY – Following years of rising popular struggle in the imperialist United States, Worker’s Spatula’s Central Committee have traveled to a mountain base in rural Kentucky to discuss the upcoming US Presidential Election of 2020. After heated discussion, the following statement was released:

Comrades, we are speaking to you from a guerrilla base of the Appalachian Liberation Movement, who have graciously hosted us for the past few days. We have dined upon exquisite cornbreads and sipped upon the finest Mountain Dews; we have discussed the Afro-American National Liberation Movement and lessons to be learnt from it that may be critically applied in Appalachia; we have been reading ROL and AIM propaganda and discussing their ramifications; above all else, we have been trying to unite the struggles of the poor and oppressed in the fight against capitalism, imperialism, and fascism.

Our support for Donald Trump in 2016 was right, and we are proud to have been responsible for all the heroic unity and struggle of the peoples of the multinational United States. But the question must be asked: have we accelerated the contradictions enough? Surely Donald Trump stands for everything that is wrong with capitalism and imperialism, with the established oppressor nation order, with the patriarchy. The masses in the US are in general agreement that never before has such a cartoonish, unbelievably open chauvinism stood at the face of their enemy. However, in all our discussions of late, two points have stood at the centre.

Firstly, and most obviously, we have been unable to forge a strong popular front within the United States, encompassing not only the oppressed nations and peoples, but also the broad working class of the U.S. (North) oppressor nation. Unfortunately for us, it is actually impossible to unite the “Yankee” working class in struggle with the oppressed nations because even the most progressive communist trends, except for the ROL and the FRSO, refuse to acknowledge the heroic leadership of these movements and unite with them in practice. Our continued popular front work within the DSA may yet yield some results, but for now, it is clear what the problem is:

The labour aristocratic politics which bestow concrete privilege disproportionately on the “Yankee” proletariat are still relatively strong and connected with US imperialism as such. The Sanders campaign of 2016 showed that positive demands can be put forth to this population as the austerity imposed by the ever-deepening crisis concretely attacks them. Therefore, to organise “white” workers, we must actually deepen the crisis. We must arrange for a government which will be even less responsive to the needs of the “white” proletariat than the Trump-Pence government. Then, and only then, will the “white” proletariat understand the imperialist bourgeois United States as its enemy and seek common struggle with the oppressed nations and nationalities.

Comrades, such a government is no dream. Worker’s Spatula would like to officially announce our support for a joint Trump-Clinton ticket in 2020. We believe this is possible and desirable for the following reasons:

  1. Clintonites hold that you must change the system “from within”, on the system’s own terms, no matter what. Truly, there would be no better opportunity for this than operating within the Trump campaign.
  2. The majority of Trump supporters are no more chauvinistic than Clinton supporters, and just as we endeavour to win Clinton supporters over to our cause, so too must we win Trump supporters over to our cause. Uniting the two camps in political practice will erode the need to begin any conversation with either that opposition to their erroneous political stance is not a result of support for the other half of the political “duopoly” of the US.
  3. We really could not think of any more provocative candidate to support this time than Hillary Clinton, and admit it, none of you really believe even an anti-austerity social democrat has a chance in the first place. This isn’t New Zealand.
  4. Mutual penetration of the opposites or something. Dialectics.

This decision received overwhelming support from the Appalachian revolutionaries with whom we discussed the matter at great length. If Appalachia is behind it, the rest of White AmeriKKKa have no excuse. Vanguard life, fam.




News in Brief: July 15th 2017


THE INTERNET – Some years after Tumblr stopped being even a vague cultural influence on left-wing politics and well into the division of its former users into those who are engaged in quite broad front practical politics and those who have retreated from politics entirely, Marxist-Leninists on the internet remain convinced of the importance of fighting “SJWs” who are supposedly to be seen at every protest telling white male workers to “check their privilege”.

“Identity politics is dividing the working class,” explained a white man in an imperialist country to his internet audience of other white men in imperialist countries. “How does anyone expect to win over the working class when they talk about gay people and racism all the time?” referring to the all-white, all-male class which he has been extremely successful in winning over, unlike those horrific SJWs.

ST. PETERSBURG – Russian communists are trying to piece together what exactly the US government is accused of doing with the Russian state.

“So… the ‘resistance’ in the US refers to those people who feel the US state is not fighting hard enough for global hegemony?” asked local Враг Капитала reader Vladimir Semyonovich.

“I’m for revolutionary defeatism without exception,” protested Russian Maoist Party member Anna Mikhailovna, “so I don’t want Russian capital interests defended in Washington DC. But is there no one in the US who feel that the interests of capital in Washington DC should not be judged based on their Russianness?”

NEW YORK – ROL infiltration of the DSA is reportedly well underway, with the DSA already embracing national liberation for Afro-Americans and sending off martyrs to die in ICOR-approved armed struggle. Boston-based analysts expect the DSA to be a complete ROL front by 2019, right around the time the Democratic Party officially embraces the Three Worlds Theory as its lone “concession” to “the left”.

ANKARA – Worker’s Spatula correspondents are nervously considering whether or not to publish a story about Erdoğan condemning the French for celebrating Bastille Day, as he might do.

“Like, the joke is about how the Marxist tradition appropriates the French Revolution, and how Erdoğan is an arch-reactionary, and that,” explained [REDACTED 1] to her comrade during a Worker’s Spatula meeting.

“Right, but, even making a joke these days in Turkey makes you wonder,” replied [REDACTED 2]. “Erdoğan could easily say that the storming of the Bastille inspired the July 15th Coup Attempt, and…”



Unclear if DSA Declaration of “Irony” as Highest Stage of Capitalism Itself Ironic


NEW YORK/CHICAGO – The DSA have stirred up great controversy in US left circles, still reeling from the discussions of “Marxism-Leninism-Maoism” as the “third and higher stage” of communist ideology several decades too late, with their latest declaration that capitalism itself has reached a qualitatively new stage of irony.

“If you consider Marxism primarily from the perspective of alienation, it’s actually quite obvious,” explained Michael Foreman, a Bronx native and DSA member, to our local corespondent. “Capitalism has advanced so far in terms of alienating us all that even our own internal mental processes have a clear dual audience. Commodification is so total that we can only articulate resistance to the profit motive in terms of ironic humour, even to ourselves.

“O shit waddup,” he concluded.

In the past few months, large numbers of young Marxists have joined local branches of the DSA, an organisation dedicated primarily to making the Democratic Party add “vigorous defence of the legacy of Comrade Stalin” to their Party Platform. Consequently, theoretical discussion at various branches of the DSA have become more rigorous than ever before, with the legacies of such US radical martyrs as Malcolm X, Michael Israel, and Bernie Sanders being mainstays of discussions at meetings. We spoke to Alfonso Casal, professional Malört sommelier and anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninist, about developments within the DSA in terms of theory and practice.

“Basically, it’s not untrue that our innermost psychological health is being harmed by capitalism, and that capitalism’s tendency to commodify all things has brought us to this point. The disagreement we have with the DSA is mostly over whether this process, which has been quantitatively increasing since capitalism-imperialism became globally hegemonic, has actually reached some new qualitative stage.

“There was far more merit to the discussion, very popular since the 2008 Crisis, of neoliberalism, with its basis in profit-exploitation, as a qualitatively higher stage of capitalism-imperialism. In this vein, it is our view that the DSA themselves represent a new stage of revisionism. We had the classic revisionists like Bernstein or Kautsky, and then we had the ‘modern revisionists’ of the 20th century that our ‘anti-revisionist’ Marxism-Leninism defines itself in opposition to. However, these have descended so far into revisionism that they are no longer central to our discussions as revolutionaries. In the place of CPUSA or the CPB, we are now primarily concerned with the revisionism of the DSA and Momentum.”

Asked how he perceived a coming struggle with the DSA, Casal responded: “It’s very difficult to say. Just as defectors from the CPUSA played an important role in the struggle with modern revisionism decades ago, I predict contradictions within the DSA will lead to new formations, some of whom will have ideas close to our own.

“Pretty IRONIC, don’t you think?” winked Casal, who, before an explanation could be sought, pulled out an air horn and blew it into the air multiple times. “Capitalism, more like CRAPitalism, AMIRITE?”

The ISO, despite being mentioned much further down the page than they would ever read on a website as “Stalinist” as this one, also had their own analysis of the DSA’s growth and development. We sat down with one of their representatives at Fanxi’s Famous Foods in Manhattan:

“The DSA are reformists, which presents a clear risk of Stalinist growth within their ranks. On the other hand, they call themselves democratic socialists, and we Trotskyists are the real democratic socialists, since we have always militantly defended democracy for the working class, so perhaps we’ll be able to recruit some of them or take them over from within.

“It’s difficult to say, because we always had trouble telling which of their public declarations were ironic, and their latest declaration hardly does anything to clear up that confusion.”

At time of press, the ROL.

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